Upcoming Birthday

This year I am feeling old. I usually don't mind my age. I have lived each year learning and growing from the year before. Unlike most women I don't mind telling people my age. I have lived these years, why hide them? This year I will be turning 32 and for some reason it is really getting to me. It feels so…old.

I have thought about it. Why this year? What is different? It may be the time I am spending with college and 20's age people. Compared to these 18-26 year old's 32 seems so far off. I have also noticed the wrinkles around my eyes begin to appear and the greying hair of a friend my age. I think about the fact that I still have no boyfriend making me at least 2 years from marriage and at least 3 years from having a child. Although 35 is not too old have a child, it is getting very close to the too old to have a child age.

I have started to think about what I haven't done. I haven't lost the weight I had been hoping to for so many years. I have traveled some but not like I really wanted to when I was younger. I wonder if I have been adventurous enough, explored enough, been a witness for Christ often enough?

In the last couple weeks I have started hiking. It is nice to get out of the house and just hike. It clears my mind, gives me time to work thoughts through, and most important time with God. I realized this week there is a mountain less then 5 minutes from my house. How have I not realized this before? How did I miss before how beneficial hiking is for me both mentally and physically. So much better then hours and hours in front of the television.

It is said that we can only move forward. I can not change what I have missed out on or what has passed me by. Instead I have today and then tomorrow to take new steps on the path I desire.

Oh, and what will I do for my birthday? My birthday is Wed the 12th. On Fri the 14th - Sun the 16th I am going on a mission trip to Mexico with my church. We will serve in a variety of ways and I will pour out love on the children of Rocky Point.

Bible Study

Back in September I started to volunteer for the college group at my church. It is called Refinery and meets every Sunday night. It was a small commitment with no real direction. I seem to have found my spot making new comers feel welcome, getting to know them and not let them sit alone. It actually surprised me at how well I do this and how comfortable I feel doing it. See I am generally an introvert and I am not one to go greet new people. I stay in the corner and keep to my self generally. However God, as always, knew what He was doing. See I know what it is like to stand in a corner. To want to go to an activity but simultaneously to not feel alone or overwhelmed by people. I watch people and see their mannerisms and can see how they are feeling through their actions. So I reach out to people the way, hopefully, they need it best. I can truly only do this with God's help each time. 

It didn't take long to get invited to the actual leader meetings and get further involved. They also meet for game nights on Thursdays. I have a bible study that night so I often miss but over winter break I was able to go to about 6 of them. I loved just hanging out and inviting people to join us each week. I went camping for the first time with this group and will hopefully be going to Mexico with several of them in March. 

One of the other leaders has been doing a bible study for women each week. She had casually invited me but I never made it. It has been on my heart to see about joining her at the end of January when she started a new group for the new semester. She contacted me first. She was starting  co-ed group and was wondering if I would start my own woman's group to fill the hole. It is one of those things, clearly it was on my mind already placed by God. But I have never run a bible study before. What if I do it wrong? What if I don't have the right answers? 

I continued to pray about it. Friday the Refinery bible studies randomly came up in conversation with a close friend. I mentioned the opportunity and my concerns and they were a total encouragement to go for it. Their confidence was so supportive. It again, a half hour later, randomly came up in conversation to the Refinery's Pastor's wife, she is a friend but I just wanted to clarify who. Now here we are 4 days later and we have a day, time, place, and topic all planned. She is going to help me since I am feeling a little less then confident and I don't really mind. 

The plan for the content is to expand on what the Pastor teaches on Sunday night. This is the biggest thing I am thinking about at this point. I want to make sure I am not misrepresenting what Luke talks about. He is a powerful speaker and God has blessed Luke with this amazing gift. It's again weird because I know that that is what I should be teaching on but at the same time it worries me. I know the answer is to make sure that I am in the Word and in prayer listening. I believe God wants me to do this and now I need to trust and listen.