Fly, Fly Away

Last night, I don't know why but I had worked myself into a tizzy. I had decided that I wanted to travel the world and I would change jobs so I could pay off my debt faster while trying to get a job at an airline so I could fly for free. Then I would just travel. Everywhere! ...but then reality hit. It's not like I couldn't do that or that I have even completely decided against it. I think it was my plan to just get away. Just do something completely different then what I am currently doing. I have seen plenty of movies and shows where people just hope on a plane and go somewhere. Because of course in the movies you aren't thinking about how expensive a taxi ride is or how you are going to pay for the hotel room that night. You just go. I think now that my fear of flying, that wouldn't fit in a seat, is over my desire to travel has grown.

So besides going crazy everything has been going ok. Not having tv drives me a little crazy, I don't know what to do sometimes. Last night I got frustrated while I was preparing dinner. I had always known I dealt with stress with food but I didn't realize I also used the tv. So last night I was frustrated, sat down with a meal I wasn't satisfied with and couldn't even watch tv. But that is good. I am learning to actually deal with my emotions instead of ignoring them. My brother is getting a couple of movies from Netflix I really want to watch. For a second I really wanted to just watch them anyways but the moment passed and remembered the reason why I am fasting from tv. To spend more time with God. 

With everything else going on I have barely noticed I have gone caffeine free. I had forgotten that I had mentioned it to a teacher before the break so she asked me about it. It actually took me a second because I totally forgot I gave up caffeine. Not that I have been drinking, I just have so many other things I am thinking about. 

Today I was supposed to exercise again. I decided to skip today because my thighs are still in so much pain. It hurts just walk around and then you add sitting and walking up and down the couple steps in my house and I am in lots of pain. I wanted to give them another day or two to rest and I will be better about stretching first and not doing so much so fast. I understand the point of the exhaustion test to see where you are at so you know where to start on their list. But to go from no exercise to a sudden 85 squats did not make my body happy. 

Tomorrow morning I am going to go down to Rio Salado. The financial aid was already approved by the government but I guess the school needs to verify my tax information. Plus I can't register online, which is weird in my opinion. So I will go down and fill out the registration stuff, go see financial aid, and then stop by admissions. I am having my transcripts sent over to them from the other Maricopa Community Colleges I attended. I did that a couple days ago so hopefully that has been done and then admissions can help me figure out what classes I still need. 

In my random thinking yesterday, which was all about changing what I am doing now. I also thought that maybe I could get my AAS degree and then if I moved out to Davenport it would be easier to get a job as a paraeducator at a school there. I guess they have lots of para educators. Most of them are aids for class rooms from what I can tell. And if I was making a reasonable amount of money then I could afford to live out there. There apartments cost just as much as they do out here and right now I could not afford to live in an apartment so I have to remember that anytime I think of moving out there. But I am not sure how long it will take to get the degree. Or if the AA will actually help me get a job at all. Though I guess that is why I want to talk to an advisor tomorrow to try to figure it out.

Without tv and music filling my head my brain seems to ramble around a lot. I am spending lots of time in prayer and have been doing my devotional book every day. I know that I can not keep just doing this, working part time and living in my dad's house, much longer. I need a change. Because there is nothing here anymore. My sister is 1500 miles away, my older brother and his wife are hoping and praying for an opportunity to go to Japan for a couple years, I barely talk to my younger brother since the house drama, my dad lives a hundred miles away, and the only friend I have I only see maybe once a month if we can manage to get our schedules right. I am 29 years old, living in my dad's house, with a part time job that 16 year old can do. This is not what I was made for. God had/has so much more for me. I can feel it. If I would just listen to His voice. Block out everything else and hear my Shepherds voice. Which is exactly why I need these twenty-five days of silence.