Too Much

The blows just keep coming one after another. I try to push through. I lean on God and have faith that this is just a blip on the radar just one day out of many and then...

What do you do when it is just to much. When you have been hit over and over again and pull yourself up over and over again just to be pushed back down again. The body can only handle so much. Today was too much. I am numb. I can not smile even when I try. It was, just too much.

The problems I run into with school are ridiculous. They are one after another and are totally weird and when I call the school for help no one has an answer for them. Just a couple weeks ago I was dealing with an issue where I needed special approval for some of my last semester classes. I sent the request mid- October and was told it was too early to send it end of Nov. So I send it Dec 3rd, they don't get to it till the 11th and I am told it is too late to request classes because they need 45 day. I explain and send a copy of the e-mail where I requested the classes 45 days in advance and they would not allow me to do so. They tell me that, that is correct that mid-october is too early to register for classes but we still need 45 days for your request to go through. This makes NO sense!!!!! I escalate the issue pushing how crazy this is and they approve the class and it is added. (I still wait on two other classes starting later in the semester to be approved through the standard 45 day process.)

Thanksgiving was ok, but ended in me crying. It usually does. I hate Black Friday as I am broke and can not buy things and hate listening to all of the other people going out and spending money. Christmas was horrid and lonely. I wouldn't wish that experience on my enemies. New Years was okay, I babysat and worked on homework. How sad is that?!

So as I am dealing with my lack of friends, my singleness, and the fact that I have gained 20 lbs in 2 months and yet can't get myself to stop eating junk food a new calamity occurs. Yesterday I received notice that I have exceeded my maximum number of credit hours to receive financial aid. Did you know that was possible? I didn't. I guess because I switched major's three times but had all of my credits transferred to Rio I am exceeding my limit. So I try not to freak out, only yelling a little bit, I fill out the form to explain my change in degree's and this, according to the form appears to be a valid reason to have extra credits. I figure out the scanner on my printer and I e-mail it over.

Then today my financial aid is removed. Now I had thought that is fine if my grant is removed while the process goes through because I am also taking out a student loan. But the loan is through FAFSA so it has also been revoked. So I have four days to come up with $1600 or get dropped from my classes! This is absurd!

I call, of course, and try to talk through the situation with one rep and then their supervisor. They didn't care in fact they didn't even listen. See I got special approval for the class, the approval that is supposed to take 45 day. If it takes 14 days for them to review my case and then re-apply my financial aid then all of my classes would have dropped, including this one. That would mean that I would have to wait, after financial aid is re-approved 45 days till I can take the class. That is not possible! I would have to push my classes back a semester to the Fall, I can't do that. I can't keep working part time like this. I try to explain how they have put in holds on my account in the past to keep my classes from being dropped due to my varied schedule. The manager won't even listen! Worse she thinks I am a lier. Apparently the system says they e-mailed me about this issue on the 30th, even though I got the e-mail on the 2nd. I offered to send her proof but she dismissed me. Then she called over to admissions and they say they don't have the form I sent in. She then starts talking to me as if I hadn't sent it in and was simply lying about it. I got a reply e-mail from the department, I know it went through!! AHHHH...

Halfway through talking with the supervisor I am so pissed and angry and just want to curse at this lady and so instead my entire body goes numb and I am overcome with tears. I feel like I have nothing good in my life right now and I just hold on to this school thing. I just need to graduate, I am so close. One semester away. I use this to push myself forward. All of my finances are tied into this. I work part time, I make maybe $400 a month. Without the financial aid I have to work full time. I did realize at one point that I have a credit card I can put the classes on. But what if my aid is still declined. I can't take 17 credit hours while I work full time. There is no way. In fact I am not even sure how I am going to get through the 17 credit hours working part time.

It is too much. But time just keeps moving. So I keep fighting my way through, hoping that the promise of a hope and a future that God made is out there somewhere.