Updated Vision Board

Last weekend I had the available time to finish my dream board. I had posted about my goals here but my board was just a draft put together. As a reminder here is the picture of the before.

First I picked up a yard of fabric from Joann's, there is always a coupon for fabric on their mobile app. I then had to go through my actual debt and write it down. I used the debt free heart and pre-printed circles. Each circle got a small post it note with the amount of current debt. I added a little purple paper that details out my debt snowball for the next year. If I work my plan then I will be able to close four credit cards by the end of 2017 paying off $4100. Okay, I hadn't calculated that till just this moment. That is a pretty significant number. That would be really really awesome! Also on the board is a monthly calendar. I printed a years worth. - As a note I wanted to go buy one but of course that would be silly and a waste of money when I have a printer, ink and the internet that has a million amazing options for free. This one I found on Pinterest by Ann Drake and you can see it here. This will help remind me of what I have due when which is something I forget sometimes. I did cover the numbers with pics for some privacy of my details but you can still see how I set it up.

I am now trying to find a good app to track my spending money. One of my biggest issues with money is spending on a daily basis. Honestly eating out is the majority of debt which is super sad. So I have a set amount for food, gas, and other that isn't too strict. So I want an app that I can just put in an amount for the month and then subtract what I have spent during the month. Something that is in my pocket so I cant just spend the money and try to figure it out later. 

So that is my current dream board.

Tattoo

When I was seventeen I decided I wanted a tattoo as soon as I turned eighteen. I was not very cool but my older sister was. I also wanted to feel very adult and do something special for my birthday. My sister had a flower on her ankle and so to follow I got a butterfly on my opposite ankle, I couldn't be exactly like her. I have never regretted my tattoo. Well, as I was getting it the pain was not fun but otherwise I have liked it. Her is the picture of it now. The colors have clearly faded a bit but I got it 16 years ago so that is expected.

For the last ten years or so I have thought about getting a new tattoo. A bible verse that has helped me get through hard times and lows of my depression was Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper, not to harm, for hope and peace." It reminds me how I am here for a purpose and the truth of God's love for me. As I made the tattoo piecing together the fonts that I liked best I decided that I wanted to switch the colon to a semi-colon. Known as a symbol to pause before suicide, a perfect addition to this tattoo. I do want to say that I am better now but still taking meds to help regulate my emotions.  My lows are something that I still have to be aware of but not something I fear as I once did. I am not sure what did it but after 10 years of thinking about it I finally got the tattoo on wrist. I love it and have had zero regret.

I do want to add as a side note about my tattoos. The size is clearly different as well as the locations. The butterfly was fully colored and I have no idea how long it took. I still remember how much I hated getting it. My sister who had come with me was concerned I would pass out and tried putting a scented something under my nose hoping to distract me. The newest tattoo is smaller and is only lines with no fill in. It took ten min at the most so pretty quick but I would swear it did not hurt as much. I think they put a numbing gel on it before the tattoo. That would have been handy 16 years ago. Though I have also lived 16 additional years and was aware of what to expect so that had to also play a part. Tattoo's aren't bad but you definitely need to be committed to your choice and think about social standards as well. This new tattoo is on my wrist but it is placed specifically to be covered by a watch or bracelets for when I am at work. 

Dreams and Goals

My brain has been thinking about many things lately. First the idea that I may not get married and what I want my life to look like if that is not an option. Second my younger brother and his wife are have a baby in May. It is exciting but it makes me think about never having kids. I will be turning 35 in four months and my life is not what I thought it would be. However that does not mean it is not good. I have had a pretty amazing life actually.

Bucket lists are so common. I started searching though Pinterest and other places for ideas of things I have always wanted to do. I pieced together a couple of long lists of ideas, printed them and started going through. Through the 550 things I had on my list many were duplicates, some I had no interest in at all. The really cool thing was all that I have done. I have traveled to third world countries, snorkeled on a coral reef and with sharks, I have been to Disneyland, Disney World and Hawaii. I have Cliff Jumped and stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I have been in the audience of two different late night shows and sat first row to Cirque du Soleil, one of the performers even sat on my lap. I have lived! I have truly lived!

As I looked at things I really do want to do like so much more traveling, sky diving, riding in a hot air balloon or even traveling in a limo. What I realized is I could make a long list of things I could try to check off a list but being more focused seemed wiser. I am about to be 35 but where do I want to be at 40? What goals can I set right now that will take me where I want to be at 40. Now of course being faithful in Christ I don't know where He will actually lead me but I see some steps that will be good.

So I thought of those things I have been wanting for a long time and how I can get to them in 5 years. First two to work on is traveling to Seattle and becoming a teacher. I am in school now, should actually be working on an assignment now instead of blogging. I have been trying to get to Seattle for a long time. I save some money and then it has to be used for something different. Longer term goals I want to move out of my dad's house and into a nice 2 bedroom apt. I love living where I am at but I can't stay in my dad's house forever. I once owned a house and I think of doing it again but I really don't want to deal with a yard. So things are a bit of give in take when I consider that. The other long term idea is traveling to Ireland, Scotland and England. This is a much more expensive endeavor but maybe for my 40th b-day.

The last thing I am continually working on is paying off my debt. I suck at following a budget and get myself in trouble all the time. So I am adding that onto the list because it will help with at least three of the four goals.

So it is not very fancy right now. I want to get some cloth to make it look nice instead of the cork. But this will do for now. On the bottom I want to add on the monthly calendar so I can see what is going on and when things are due.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love having a few extra days off work. A day when I wake up and not have to get out of bed is a very lovely day indeed. I started my day pretty lazy but I am determined to catch up on homework so I work on one of my assignments to turn in. After submitting Task 1 for my World History class. I am want to get two more assignments done before Tuesday when I meet with my student mentor again. It will catch me up on the 3 weeks of school work I didn't do. The cool thing about this school is that I pay a single fee for the half year. So I can do my scheduled four classes or if I work hard I can get a fifth class done for the same price. It is a pretty awesome opportunity if I take advantage of it.

My family includes my dad, my sister, two brothers and me. We all live here in AZ around the valley but we do not always see each other with the business of life. Like many families we have many differing opinions about things, especially the recent election. I was a little nervous about today but I think it was a great day! Lunch was great and great conversations. My eldest nephew is dating a girl and I haven't had much of a chance to spend time with her. It was great getting to know her and really spending time with my family. It was a lovely day.

Every year I go out shopping for black Friday. I have previous posts about it if you want to look for them. This year was no different. This time I went out to get a Roku 3 devise. It was a pretty awesome deal normally $100 I got it for $50. I also had a chance to pick up a few of the movies I wanted on sale. I watch a lot of Netflix normally streaming through my computer hooked up to my tv. This can be annoying, especially when I want to blog here. The Roku devise lets me watch Netflix, currently watching PrisonBreak, while I do other things.

Tomorrow I will pick up a couple other things. Petsmart for some hamster bedding and maybe Home Depot for a child size cardboard gingerbread house for my classroom. I love that deals are online now. You can pre-think through deals and how you best want to spend your money. My brothers are also really good about purchasing all of the deals online to avoid the crowds.

I pray that your Thanksgiving went as mine.

A Busy Schedule

After I wrote my last post I was good for a bit and then got a bit depressed. It can be hard to think about the possibility that I won't marry and that I won't have my own kids. I made it through my low and then I have been super busy.

At work things are crazy during this season. On top of teaching and conferences we have special events each week. They are fun but they take extra planning and take from learning times. In addition to work stuff I am working on my BA in Elementary Education at Western Governors University. It is an online college that lets me get all of my assignments done after work.

Each day after work my schedule is full of errands, working on lesson plans and making my way through course. Right now I am just starting my third history class in a row. It seemed like a good idea but working on this third class I kind of regret it. Though when I am done in 5 weeks history classes will be complete. That will be super awesome.

****

Last night was my friends Colleen and Alec's wedding. It was beautiful and lots of fun. My second trip to Belize Colleen came along. We also drove to Mexico and back which included a flat tire on the way home. It has been awesome watching her relationship grow with Alec. They are a super cute couple and it was totally reflective in the wedding. I am so excited for them!

Only days of work and then a four day weekend!!

The Christian College Age Phase

In the Christian world you are not just dating but looking for a spouse. It is what you aim for and the reason you date. Sex is held back like a prize for those who find their winning match. So in the Christian community relationships are not long term and from engagement to wedding it is very quick. This often happens young. Shortly after high school or as you finish college.

Let me be clear I do not think there is anything wrong with it. I have seen amazing relationships blossom and grow in the church. Sometimes people rush to fast but they have the church to help hold them up as they work through growth and change.

I have had a weird experience in my life. After the second time it happened I thought "weird." Now it has happened a third time and I can't help but just laugh with God. When I was a teenager I went to NPBC. It was a pretty big church and I grew up with these people, these friends. We entered college and joined a new group, more friends. Slowly over time friends got engaged and married. I watched them go through the process, talked with them and heard about all the details. Slowly the college group changed because the friends I used to have in the group were now married and had moved on to other church classes/groups. I understood but also felt out of place.

Life moved on and so did I. I stopped going to church for a time and then found my way to a new church, HBC. It was a much smaller church but I felt confident God had called me there. Feeling too 'old' for a college group (I was probably 20 but it was post my mom dying) I found a different small group to join. But it was a small church and so the group was 4-5 people plus the two leaders. After not very long it was the leaders, me and a couple that would shortly be engaged and get married. The group fell apart but I still had a place at the church by connecting with the college group. They were a few years younger then I but I was okay with that. They were/are great people. But as it goes over time they connected with someone, they got engaged and most switched to other church's for a bigger young married group. I was again left alone. I watched as now two completely different groups of friends were able to find "their one" "their connection." I had prospects along the way but nothing had stuck.

Years later I was drawn to a new church LSC. This church was a large church again with a big diversity of people. I again, like the others before, engaged with the church. Regularly attending and becoming involved by serving the community at the church. For the first two years I joined a small group, new all of the pastors on first name basis and many of the very large congregation. Three years ago I felt the tug on my heart to help the college group. They were looking for mentors and I felt God tell me to go help. I wasn't sure at first and even asked friends what they thought. See I had already done college group. In fact I had done college group twice. I was obedient and over the last three years it has been an awesome and amazing experience. I camp now and hike two things I had no idea I would enjoy. I love the connections to the people I have met through the college group. However I sit here tonight after going to a bridal shower. I sat at a table looking around at my friends who over the last couple years I have watched get married or engaged and are looking toward that next step. I am again giving advice about wedding planning and marriage even though I have yet to experience it.  I can tell you wedding etiquette and shower expectations. I can listen and talk about marriage and kids because I have heard it before, I have done this before.

Please know that I LOVE these girls!! I really do and I am so over the moon for them. I really truly am. The same is true for the girls at NPBC or HBC I still talk and hang out with some of them. I 'like' all their kids photos on Facebook and am excited when they announce the next exciting their life. Because they are my friends and married or not they remain that way.

I just find it an odd position. To be so very very single and to watch for 16 years dozens of friends get married. To watch those closest to me have this experience that I may never have. It is just weird that as much as I know I would hate having a shower with attention on me I miss the fact that I may never have one.

#totallysingle #dontjudgesingles #rathernorelationshipthenabadrelationship

Sharing a Little of My Life Again

It has been forever since I posted here but sometimes I think about posting something. As one goes through you experience many things and sometimes I just want to share it with the world. Let the world know that this is how I feel or that they are not alone in their feelings. Though sometimes I want to post just to whine about annoying people. Posting can be dangerous. My real name is on here and I am a teacher which means a parent may come across this blog. I have always been open and honest about my life, confident in my choices. Settled in the idea that if you are ashamed of what you are doing then you shouldn't do it. As a teacher it gets a little tricky. A parent can take something out of context or not approve of something in my life. So I may, going forward, be careful of my words. However my past remains unedited free for you to read and judge because I am who I am.