I posted five days ago with a plan. A plan to exercise and to lower my blood pressure. Guess how many times I exercised in the last 5 days? That is right, none! Well unless you count walking through stores shopping.
My tax refund came, plus stress, plus I have an issue with overspending = me spending way too much money on home goods and stuff for a classroom I do not even have yet. I have been working on making my house look more adult and put together over the last year or two. It is looking amazing but there is always a few more tweaks you can do. I really wanted a canvas of a world map over my couch (currently blank.) I went to many thrift stores, discount stores, and craft stores. I wasn't falling in love with anything. I then found one on facebook market. While I was waiting for her to get back to me I then spotted a US map canvas that I loved from Hobby Lobby on OfferUp for a great price. I ended up with both. The US is going over my couch, the colors go well with what I have in there. The World is going in my bedroom, I have been collaging pictures from some of the trips I have been taking that it will go great with.
Right now I am attending WGU to get my BA in Education so I can teach at a public school. I have a million classes to finish before December but if I manage to the student teaching would start in January! That would be so exciting! That would also mean I could potentially have my own class next Spring of 2019!! That would be amazing. I am excited can you tell. Well I have been spending a lot of hours on getting through my classes. This also means I have been thinking a lot about how I want my class to run. I already have a lot of resources from 4.5 years teaching pre-k and k. I bought a few more resources off from TPT that I am excited about. I also bought some more storage for my school supplies. Everything I have is a bit chaotic. I had it mostly organized and then I quite by Kindergarten job and had to bring home a bunch of stuff that was mine from the class. That also meant that I needed to reorganize my stuff. Everything was set up for the set curriculum I used to have. So I have started organizing and sorting to fit a more public school model. I also spend way to much time following instagram teachers so I of course want all the products they have and use. Not necessarily a bad thing but it is an expensive start up. That is also why I am trying to do it slowly to build up what I have. Anyways, I don't really regret my purchases but know that in a month I may wish I didn't spend so much money.
This brings me to another crazy in my life, I am a bit crazy. I have taken Prozac for many years. I have self subscribed it and it has worked well for me. Whenever I am off from it I feel unbalanced. I feel a bit manic with crazy mood swings. That is where I can get into trouble because my lows always went very low - hence needing anti-depressants. Due to financial issues I ran out of pills. At this point I have for 7 weeks. In the last few days I have done a lot of only reading and Prozac takes 4 weeks to be out of the body completely. This means that for the last three weeks I have been Prozac free. So clearly if I am reading and posting about it something must be wrong. I noticed a couple weeks ago that I started being super weepy, over everything. The craziest things will just set me off on and I will be in tears. A couple weeks ago their was a school shooting. Totally sad, totally deserves crying over. But even now two weeks later when I see the picture of this teacher who dead protecting his class I start to cry. I just have to see his picture! Tears stream down my face uncontrollably! It is so annoying!! If it was just the hourly emotional breakdown into tears I could deal but I am also have weird angry outbursts. I was literally livid at a call center rep over something I now realize was dumb. I could not calm myself and I totally cursed the girl out. I don't curse, ever! This is also so not like me. When I was reading online is that I have to figure out if this is withdraw side effects from the extra seretonin getting to my brain or if it really is my depression. I do not want to be on Prozac because it is so expensive without insurance. I want to try to wait it out and see if I even out but how long do I wait? Nothing online seems to tell me. I am also not sure even if I went to a dr they could tell me either. It seems to be subjective to the dr and how they feel about prescribing anti-depressants.
So shopping and avoiding school work to try and forget that I have high blood pressure I don't want to deal with and a possible mental disorder that I can't afford to fix now that I have spent money on a classroom I don't even have yet. Yes, I realize I am ridiculous. I can't seem fix it though.
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