Attitude, calories, and school

I hate that every time I post everything is so negative. I don't want to be so angry. I even recognized it while I was posting on myspace, several of the posts are me being so mad at people. I don't think I am that angry but apparently I am if it is so consistently coming out on my posts. I think I need to try to remember to focus on the positives and not the negatives. That is so hard to do sometimes. It is easy to blame my parents, it is their fault because I learned it from them. But now I am older and can't sit in that excuse anymore. Well, I could but I want more than that for my life. 

I know saying it is one thing but doing this everyday is very difficult. It is changing my nature. But I see people who are positive most of the time and wish it was as easy for me as it looks for them. So step one try to make my posts a little more positive. Accentuate the good things in life not only the bad. 

So I am trying to eat healthier or maybe just less. I was trying to figure out how many calories I need to eat. I know they always say 1200 but because I am so overweight it is my understanding I should start higher so my body doesn't think it is starving. I checked out several sites and they all said at about 2000 cal a day I would loose weight. So I have been looking into what I can eat that will work with my crazy schedule. One thing I looked at was the Special K challenge. Did you know if you follow that you will eat aprox 1000 cal a day. No wonder they say you will loose weight. So I went shopping and found some good food. And I found a free site I can track my food on. Yesterday I tracked what I ate and I think 2000 cal is a lot of food. But I don't understand if 2000 cal is more than I normally eat then why am I already not loosing weight? Maybe it is the type of food that I eat. I will continue to watch and track my eating. I haven't yet started exercising yet but one thing at a time. 

School is going fine so far. Last friday I had an essay due which I waited to do till Thursday night, that wasn't the best idea. I ended up with 2 hrs of sleep for friday. I stayed caffeinated and didn't have too much of problem. Yesterday I had an assignment for my bib interp class which I did all wrong. I didn't know it was wrong till I went to turn it in and my homework didn't look like everyone else's. But just one assignment and now I will pay much more attention to the instructions on future assignments. The teachers are both pretty cool so that makes class good. 

I seem to have run into a problem with getting the tuition paid though. I had mentioned that my company is paying for the tuition and then I have to pay the extra fees. They wanted me to pay the fees by the 31st. I have been working overtime last week and this week so I will be able to pay it on the 6th. Hopefully that will be ok. And then I found out it takes 30 days for the tuition to be paid. I don't know why it takes so long since the classes and tuition was already approved doesn't a check just need to be cut. My concern is 30 days would be feb 15th and then if they only mail a check at that point it be another week till they get it. I guess I need to talk to the school again about this now that I know a little more. I am just worried it won't be ok, but there isn't anything else I can do. I don't have the money now. But I really think God wants me here so I think it will work out. 

Time to go to work - I have 4 hours of overtime.