At what cost

It is 3am and I was totally going to post about how angry I am about work. And how I wish I never ever had to go back but have to because for whatever reason I seem to be stuck here. And then my stupid computer took 30 min to be totally annoying (I actually blame cox for not working in the middle of the night and less blame on my computer) and now I am tired and just want to sleep. 

I can say though, this schedule is really messing me up and I only just finished week two of 16. I don't know how I am going to get through this. This school thing was totally a bad idea. And after today at work I am just so wound up I don't even know how to get it all out of me, this...I don't know, immense anger that I feel helpless to get away from a job that makes me feel awful. Even worse is I am totally blaming God. All I can do is plead for understanding as to why I am here, why I have to continue at this company. But there is no answer. Well maybe a 'You'll see' but I fell for that before, now I have been there six months make it better. I know six months sounds short but when every day you wake up thinking how much you absolutely hate your job and then have to just push it to the side and go on with your day because there are bills to pay. There has to be more to life than this. I can't actually spend the next fifty years going to a job I despise. But I have looked, the options aren't good. So I sit and listen to my boss tell me how much I suck for an hour even though overall my stats are great compared to my teammates and the one spot I did improve like he wanted he doesn't even mention, because of course now it isn't bad and we have to spend an entire hour telling me how awful I am and 'you could be so much better.' As it turns out I am not perfect and your stupid stats are ridiculous anyways so I don't know how anyone meets them all. Oh wait, to date I have not met anyone that has been able to get all the stats perfect. But apparently my boss is going to try to make me the first. In his condescending, talking to me like I am an idiot, not listening to a word I say, totally negative but expecting me to come back with an 'of course I will, anything you say, it will be perfect next week' attitude. You told me what a horrible employee I am, I am not going to then spew roses at you. That just doesn't make any sense. 

I know, I said I was going to sleep. And I also know I could probably be written up for writing this is if my boss read it. But right now, I don't care. I mean hey if I got fired I would probably loose my home but at least I would go home furious and crying all the time.