Jealousy

Not about weight, instead about God and me.

I hate it! I hate when I get jealous. I usually notice pretty right off of the feelings of jealousy which is good. Last night I was at church and the pastor was talking about creating a timeline from the day you were born till 78 years later (the average current lifespan.) He said he marked down all of the important things in life. Now the point was to demonstrate that after he accepted Christ at 17 and then listed significant things in his life: went to bible college, mission trip in europe, then a month backpacking through Ireland telling about God, getting married, spending a year in Belize with wife as missionary, mom dying, dad dying, becoming pastor, having kids. You know and I just look at his life and say "wow." Obviously I don't really mean the parents dying part, already lost mom don't want to loose dad anytime soon. But the travel...and the missionary work...and having a spouse and kids and sharing my unfailing love for Christ with my spouse. And then I look at my life and I don't have that stuff. What do I list? And all my failures run through my head. And then sad things, mom dying, loosing my house.

I try to remind myself that my path is different. That I may not have gone to Belize for year but for the past 6 years I have been committed to the Awana program at my church. That I may not have gone to Ireland for a month but I changed my work schedule so I could help with Vacation Bible School. I know that I try to do my best and I try to follow God's path my life. But it just makes me think, am I listening to God? Am I doing His will? I always wanted to be a missionary. Though when I dropped out of bible college mostly because I didn't want to work with other students because I am shy I kind of realized that I never could have been a missionary because...well...I am shy. So I am who am and my life is how it is. Would those experiences have been awesome? Of course! But that wasn't my path, this is my path. Of course I am still totally jealous of Ireland cause I totally want to go there, its like my goal location in the world.

So I think I need to make my own timeline. And I don't know if I will include Awana's and VBS, they don't really seem big or important. But I will try to make sure that I make at least as many positive if not more than the negative. How about your time line?