My brother said to me "you sure do eat a lot of pancakes." And it is true. Lately I have been having pancakes nearly everyday for one of my meals. It isn't hard to figure out why, because they are sweet. Whether I am using my vegan chocolate chip mix or just the regular vegan whole grain mix that I add syrup too I am getting something sweet to eat. I miss eating sugar! I tried to by cookies but I literally could not stop myself from eating the entire box which is over 1000 calories and just not ok. So I don't by them anymore. So pancakes have become my outlet. I know this isn't going to work long term so I started thinking about it. One thing is I haven't gone to a grocery store in nearly two weeks which means I have no fresh fruits or veg in my house. But I should be eating more of this, in fact every single day I should have at least 1 piece of fruit and one serving of veg but I haven't been getting that lately. So tonight I went to the store and bought a few things including apples, a pair, banana's, and strawberries to help sweeten my life. The other thing is that I can still eat soy yogurt. So I am thinking that in the evening's a serving of soy yogurt maybe with some almonds or granola would satisfy my sweet tooth.
The problem is that I keep wanting horrible things. I literally sit around distracting myself until it is too late to go out and get that sweet thing I want. And before you say "what about moderation" I will point you back to the cookies, I can't do it! I don't have the will power right now! I bought a bag of mini cruellers, I ate the whole thing in one sitting. I stopped at QT for 1 donut, I left with three and ate then in less than 20 minutes. So for the last two hours I have wanted to go to Fry's under the idea that I was buying flavored carbonated water but really going to buy some ice cream or chocolate or donuts. But I can't hide from myself, I can't trick myself. So I pull out all my lazy skills and ways of procrastinating until it is too late to go and get anything.
One thing that does help is the scale. Officially I use my brothers Wii Fit to weigh in but I have a scale I keep in my room that is a little less accurate but can help motivate in a pinch. September 1st I weight in at 279. At the end of the 6 day detox I was down to 270. In the following week I gained back 4 lbs taking me back up to 274. But this sunday I dropped the 4 lbs again and am at 270 again. Which means that over the last two weeks monitoring my calorie intake and eating vegan and more naturally is really working. Now the scale in my room says instead of 270 it says 277. I go to step on the scale this evening and it says I am down to 274. Now I know it isn't completely accurate and I know that it is a different time of day which also effects it. But knowing that being halfway through the week and I may be down a little is totally motivating to help me keep up with what I am doing and not sneak out for donuts. (By the way I have had a cold this week and didn't feel like eating so I was way under my daily calories so far this week.)
I will be honest I have not been perfect. I sometimes have something with a little dairy in it. On Friday I was awful and ate non-vegan all day including In-and-Out for dinner. I went 2000 calories over my daily limit so the next day I worked out hard and was under my calories because I knew the day before was a mistake. I got sick Sunday night and took Monday off work. Tuesday I had bought a salad for lunch at work but by the time I got to it, it looked gross so I ended up at Taco Bell having a Beef Grilled Stuff Burrito. I had planned to get something vegan when I went but then caved too scared to ask for modifications. So stupid of me!
Someone asked me, today actually, if I feel different after eating non-vegan. But the answer is no. I haven't been vegan long enough for my body to get upset when I give it meat again. But of course the longer I go with out meat the more careful I will have to be.
I have not been working out, except last sat. I know I really need to exercise it is so good for the body. My cold is mostly gone and is all above the neck so I think tomorrow I will pull out my step machine to use while watching all the new fall shows.
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