20's Reflection

I am still 29 for seventy more minutes and I feel that this needs a blog post. As tomorrow has approached I have sometimes been excited and other times been reflective and cautious of the future. I can not help but think about the last ten years. Think about what I did, what I didn't do, and what I should have missed.

What I did:
On the top of my mind comes buying a house and foreclosing on it eight years later. In ten years I have worked four call centers (credit cards, infomercials, travel agency, and cell phone), I have worked for Cold Stone, delivered the AZ republic, and now work with kids. Those are all details that come to mind and yet I know that there are much more important ones. I have spent more Sunday's in church then away from church. I spent six years working with grade school kids in the Awana program at Hillside. I have helped behind the scenes in church nurseries, kitchens, and general set up and tear down. Not because I had to but because I wanted to. Although I fought with my sister during my early twenties that has changed. I now feel closer to her then any other person on the earth. I have spent countless hours with my nephews being a good Aunt; teaching them about God, life, and supported them through the many changes of their lives. I have remained close to both of my brothers even though I have had different fights with them i know they will always be there. This is something ten years ago I took advantage of but now know is a rarity in this world.
I have battled with depression and not let satan get me down. I have held tight to God even through the darkest of times. My walk with Christ over the last ten years has not be without it's faults but I have come through victorious and closer to God then I was back then. I know more about who I am and what I want in my life. I have allowed myself have a voice and to speak up when needed. I have done things that scared me; buying a home, quitting my last call center job, and even stepping up as a leader for NaNoWriMo. There are many more things that I have done but I can not list it all here. But this is to say I have done a lot.

What I didn't do:
As I turn thirty - in fifty-two minutes - I can not help but think of what I thought life would be like. I of course am not 150 lbs like I have been trying to get to for ten years. But I am not also not married and I do not have any children. I thought I would two or three kids by now. I thought if I wasn't a stay at home mom by now I  would have a career and be making lots of money. I never pictured myself with this much debt, but really who does.
But there are other things. I thought I would be a bigger traveler and would do mission trips to other countries. I am still surprised that photography is not any bigger in my life. Some days I question if it part of my life at all. I have always dreamed of running (Even if my big brother says it is horrible for my knees.)

What I should have missed:
When I think of this I think of some of the things I did, saw, experienced in my early twenties. I was rebellious and put myself in circumstances that I now wish I hadn't been in. So those are there. But I also think about the things that don't really matter. How many hundreds of hours have I spent watching tv shows? Does that show I watched 10, 8, 5 years ago even matter. For that fact do any of the shows I watch matter? No not really. I think about the time I spend worrying about things I can not change. I think about the friends that were never really friends to start with. In my last post I listed actual amount of times heart beat and how many breaths I have taken. I think about how much time I spent on things that could have been spent so much more wisely.

A few other things:
- I wish that I had not wasted so much time on school. That is to say taken eng 101, eng 102, and basic math each three times. I wish I had not dropped out of over a dozen classes because being lazy.
- When I was twenty it never crossed my mind that my mom would not be here when I turned thirty. In fact she wasn't even there when I turned twenty-one. Time is fleeting.
- I can not control a downturn in the economy but I should not have bought a house I could barely afford in hopes that I would make more money or that I would be married soon and a joint income would take care of it. This was not wise.

So what do my 30's hold? What is yet to come? I don't know. I have no idea forty will look like. I do know that if I stay on God's path. If I continue to stay close and follow Him that He will pour out blessing on me. And so I will and I do because when I did not follow God's path in the last ten years, that is when I made choices I now wish were different. So to another ten years, may they be better than the last!