A moment stolen from the craziness of life

My life is crazy right now. I know it has been a month since I posted but I have just been so busy. I am not tracking like I should and I haven't exercised lately but they are both on my mind daily. They just seem to be getting lost in the mess of everything else.

In the past I have wondered how women do it. I have a cousin who have five kids, is active in her church and her community, she is working on her Masters degree, recently ran for a local political seat and still seems to take lots of vacations to visit family and friends all the time. How does she do it?!

Well, I think God is showing me. I had told you before I have been really praying about meeting my future husband and having a family. My life is so crazy right now I feel like it God saying, "Are you sure? Do you really think you are ready to handle it?" And I just keep pushing forward saying yes. Yes, I can handle all of this.

You probably know all this but I want to just lay it all out. Right now I am working 15 hours a week, volunteering at church 5 hours a week and try to volunteer other times during the month as well. I attend 5+ hours a week in bible studies or church services. I am also taking 15 credit hours at school which has been having some very unique problems lately. I am also doing Nanowrimo. This means that I am writing a novel this month which equates to about 3 hrs of writing a day. On top of that I am the ML, leader for Phoenix which I would say adds at least ten hours a week driving to events and spending time online. My brain is going in so many directions I have trouble writing my novel because I can't seem to just focus on my novel.

All of this doesn't include household chores like laundry, dishes and shopping. I am trying to figure out when I can add back in my exercise because I really wish I was exercising daily. You would think this was enough. That my brain and time were packed to capacity but it's not. See I just keep thinking about dating. I think about finding my husband, not missing when God points him out to me. Not doing something stupid to push away who I am supposed to be with.

So despite all this. All the things I could be and should be doing what do I want to do? I want to read. See along the way in life I have bought christian books on dating. I tried to read them but I wasn't really interested or it just didn't seem like the right time. I have kept this stack of books on my shelf knowing that one day I would read them. One day it would be the time to pull out these books and read all these books teenagers read about dating. Today I found myself pulling out the stack and looking through trying to decide which to read first. Part of me realizes how crazy this is. I can't read right now! Definitely not a whole stack of books. But that is all I can think about. See because despite the fact that I am busy with other things, my longing and my deepest desire is to marry and have children.

I thought I would share with you the books I plan to read. I don't know that I will actually get through them this month, that sounds crazy. But I think it is time to start going through them. Time to start seeing God's perspective on sex, love, and marriage.

I do want to note: I know this is not a magic bullet. I will not read these books and a perfect man will suddenly appear. In fact I know that no man is perfect. I also know that God's timing is still God's timing which perfect. But just as I prepare my body physically for having children I must prepare my spirit and my mind for Marriage. I think this is one step along the way of doing that.