Not Again

I lay down on my bed just wanting to sleep. At my 3 hour write-in I only wrote 500 words, a low for me. I was withdrawn and not good at encouraging. In fact I was chatting nearly the entire time, which most likely made me a distraction. I stop on the way home to buy more craft supplies. I have this new desire to do painting, (the guy I like paints and I am totally aware this is part of my new desire.) I also decided that I should make an ornament for the ornament exchange I am going to in a couple weeks.

I lay in my bed wanting to be painting but knowing that I should be doing homework. Truth: I had two assignments due on Saturday that I did not do. I have no desire to do them. I try to get myself to read the book and my mind is completely distracted. Here I am on Monday night and it is still not done.

I lay under my blanket and feel like I could fall asleep when I realize this is depression. I didn’t wake up until eleven there is no way I should be tired. I am depressed. Knowing this, my emotions these last few days make so much more sense. That is why I am struggling with doing homework and writing my novel and being social. I know what I have to do.

I get up, get my books, and walk out the door to find somewhere with internet to do my homework. I will not let depression win. I am stronger then my depression.