A Battle Lost

I have been eating horrible all week. I have been eating some of my fruits and veggies that I packed at the beginning of the week. Which is great. The problem is that I have been eating thousands of calories of food every evening. I also have not exercised since monday Yoga which doesn't count much since it was relaxation yoga. Every night this week before bed I have weighed myself and watched the number go up, up, up.

Sun 22nd - 276
Mon 23rd - 277
Tue 24th  - 277
Wed 25th - 276
Thur 26th - skipped
Fri 27th - 278
Sat 28th - 279

I hate that I am eating this way but then don't do anything about it. I know what to eat and how much. I have exercise options at my fingertips and yet, nothing. Some weeks are such a battle.

I was recently reading someone's blog (can't remember whose or I would link.) They referred to women who were at their goal weight who were interviewed about their food habits. The women said that it is a constant battle every time they eat or don't eat something. That is so true both now for me and when someone reaches their goal. I read blogs from women who have been at their goal weight for years and they struggle and look for encouragement. I have had this on my mind all week and all week I felt like I am not strong enough for this battle. I am not a fighter I am a lover. Seriously, I hate conflict! I can not be in the same room with people who are arguing or as some people call it 'having a loud discussion.' It drives me crazy. You may have seen the drop on Wednesday. All day long I was fighting with myself over every little thing. I think that was the day I drove to Denny's, sat in the parking lot, convinced myself not to go in. Then tried to stop at Taco Bell on the way home but they were closed, pulled into the McDonald's parking lot and again fought with myself not to buy food. Then went home and proceeded to eat my regular dinner plus 400 calories of popcorn and 500 calories of ice cream bars. I won two battles at Denny's and McDonalds and then went home and was exhausted from a day of fighting and couldn't fight anymore.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will try again at what I know is the good choice. I will try again at what I know is the right thing. I know the battles get fewer the longer you have been fighting but starting over is so hard. Hope your week was better than mine.