When my birthday comes around I always find myself reflecting back to the year before. What did I blog about last year on my birthday? Did I hope for anything? And if so did it come true? What has changed? And so I looked back.
Last year for my 28th birthday I celebrated a year in which I lost nearly 60 lbs. I had made a big accomplishment and was looking forward to the year ahead and the steps toward loosing more weight. I am sorry to say I have since not lost any weight though I am happy that I have maintained my weight and not gained back those 60 lbs.
I was curious and so I looked even further back, back to my 27th birthday. For my 27th birthday my best friend took me to a Rascal Flats concert. Even though I didn't know much of their music I still had a blast with my friends that night. Oh how this has changed. In the last 2 years that friend and I have stopped talking, worst of all she has since had a gorgeous baby son whom I have still not met in person. A lot has changed in 2 years, and definitely not all of it was for the good.
This year I hadn't been feeling much up to celebrating and yet as the day draws near I become more and more excited. It is weird because I was sure I was going to just let this birthday pass like nothing happened. This year I find I am no longer surrounded by friends in which to celebrate with. In fact I find this year I can only think of one person (non-family) that would want to celebrate with me. This is a sad thought when I think about my birthday's past and yet I accept where my life is at. I have long ago realized I can not make people be my friends and that I have habits and personal defence issues that keep people away. And although some days I think that totally sucks I also accept it as part of who I am. (It is how my mother was, she had no friends.)
Anyways, enough with the depressing. I really want to go somewhere! I keep wanting to travel and I can never do it for this reason or that reason but usually money. I can't really go anywhere but I am going to go to a hotel for my birthday. No where too fancy just someplace to get away to. I found it didn't matter if I was living alone or with someone else when you get yourself away from home into that other environment it can be relaxing, at least for me. So Saturday I babysit all day and then I will take myself out to dinner, probably to Culvers. Then hang out in a hotel watching girly romantic comedies and then sleep in the next day. I want to do something else on Sunday afternoon but I haven't figured out what yet.
I can tell you that, for right now at least, I am happy with my life. It is difficult somedays and I am not getting enough sleep lately but life is good. I love my jobs, I love my church, I am working on paying off my debt, I am thankful for having such a close and loving family. The Lord has provided so much for me and I am thankful for what I have. I pray that in the next year I continue to grow closer to God and listen for His direction in my life. I am alive and breathing today because the Lord allowed it to be true. I am thankful that through heart ache, challenges, and disappointment the Lord has always carried me through to the other side. So even now as I begin the process of foreclosing on the home I bought 8 years ago and as I cherish every moment I can with my sister and nephews before they move 1600 miles away I praise the Lord for those 8 years of having a roof over my head and I praise the Lord for being able to be so close with my sister and her kids. Twenty-nine can feel young and yet so very old when I think about all I have done, seen, experienced, and lived. Thank you to those who have blessed my life by simply being apart of it!