About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 34 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Shopping to Avoid the Truth

I posted five days ago with a plan. A plan to exercise and to lower my blood pressure. Guess how many times I exercised in the last 5 days? That is right, none! Well unless you count walking through stores shopping.

My tax refund came, plus stress, plus I have an issue with overspending = me spending way too much money on home goods and stuff for a classroom I do not even have yet. I have been working on making my house look more adult and put together over the last year or two. It is looking amazing but there is always a few more tweaks you can do. I really wanted a canvas of a world map over my couch (currently blank.) I went to many thrift stores, discount stores, and craft stores. I wasn't falling in love with anything. I then found one on facebook market. While I was waiting for her to get back to me I then spotted a US map canvas that I loved from Hobby Lobby on OfferUp for a great price. I ended up with both. The US is going over my couch, the colors go well with what I have in there. The World is going in my bedroom, I have been collaging pictures from some of the trips I have been taking that it will go great with.

Right now I am attending WGU to get my BA in Education so I can teach at a public school. I have a million classes to finish before December but if I manage to the student teaching would start in January! That would be so exciting! That would also mean I could potentially have my own class next Spring of 2019!! That would be amazing. I am excited can you tell. Well I have been spending a lot of hours on getting through my classes. This also means I have been thinking a lot about how I want my class to run. I already have a lot of resources from 4.5 years teaching pre-k and k. I bought a few more resources off from TPT that I am excited about. I also bought some more storage for my school supplies. Everything I have is a bit chaotic. I had it mostly organized and then I quite by Kindergarten job and had to bring home a bunch of stuff that was mine from the class. That also meant that I needed to reorganize my stuff. Everything was set up for the set curriculum I used to have. So I have started organizing and sorting to fit a more public school model. I also spend way to much time following instagram teachers so I of course want all the products they have and use. Not necessarily a bad thing but it is an expensive start up. That is also why I am trying to do it slowly to build up what I have. Anyways, I don't really regret my purchases but know that in a month I may wish I didn't spend so much money.

This brings me to another crazy in my life, I am a bit crazy. I have taken Prozac for many years. I have self subscribed it and it has worked well for me. Whenever I am off from it I feel unbalanced. I feel a bit manic with crazy mood swings. That is where I can get into trouble because my lows always went very low - hence needing anti-depressants. Due to financial issues I ran out of pills. At this point I have for 7 weeks. In the last few days I have done a lot of only reading and Prozac takes 4 weeks to be out of the body completely. This means that for the last three weeks I have been Prozac free. So clearly if I am reading and posting about it something must be wrong. I noticed a couple weeks ago that I started being super weepy, over everything. The craziest things will just set me off on and I will be in tears. A couple weeks ago their was a school shooting. Totally sad, totally deserves crying over. But even now two weeks later when I see the picture of this teacher who dead protecting his class I start to cry. I just have to see his picture! Tears stream down my face uncontrollably! It is so annoying!! If it was just the hourly emotional breakdown into tears I could deal but I am also have weird angry outbursts. I was literally livid at a call center rep over something I now realize was dumb. I could not calm myself and I totally cursed the girl out. I don't curse, ever! This is also so not like me. When I was reading online is that I have to figure out if this is withdraw side effects from the extra seretonin getting to my brain or if it really is my depression. I do not want to be on Prozac because it is so expensive without insurance. I want to try to wait it out and see if I even out but how long do I wait? Nothing online seems to tell me. I am also not sure even if I went to a dr they could tell me either. It seems to be subjective to the dr and how they feel about prescribing anti-depressants.

So shopping and avoiding school work to try and forget that I have high blood pressure I don't want to deal with and a possible mental disorder that I can't afford to fix now that I have spent money on a classroom I don't even have yet. Yes, I realize I am ridiculous. I can't seem fix it though.

Friday, February 23, 2018

High Blood Pressure Worries

I have had moderately high blood pressure for years. I try to keep it in check by including exercise in my life but sometimes that falls to the bottom of my "to do" list. A recent trip to have a TB test done for work determined that my blood pressure is now in the top of Hypertension stage 2! That day at the doctors office it registered at 181/113. I was concerned, I have never seen it that high before. In fact according to the American Heart Association that would put me in a hypertensive crisis. Adding to my concern two days prior a blood vessel broke in one of my eyes. I didn't understand why till I saw this high number.

I bought a blood pressure cuff to monitor my numbers at home. I switched to whole wheat breads and have cut out some extra salty items I love to eat. (I checked my numbers before and after eating a plate of nacho's and it jumped 10 points. Not really surprising but sad.) The real problem is I have not added in exercise yet. I know that it will make a huge difference but I have not managed to get my but in gear. I think that is why I have decided to blog about it. I want to feel accountable. To log and record what I am doing. Even if no one sees it as sometimes I am afraid of comments.

I got my blood pressure cuff on January 23rd. My numbers fluctuated for the 8 days but averaged at 167/116. I knew that I could get it down and worked on what I was eating. Between the Feb 1st and the 17th I had gotten my average down to 161/107 which I think was a great improvement. The last few days I have been eating horrible. I can list excuses but that is really what they are. I crave carbs when I am stressed and I gave in to those cravings. This made my numbers jump back up to 180/123, not good.

This leads to the fact that I really need to add in exercise. It is a stress reliever and a time filler (less time sitting in front of the tv eating.) It should help strengthen my heart dropping my numbers. Now I realize that some of you, probably most of you may be questioning why I do not go to a doctor. That would be because I have no insurance. I haven't had insurance for over a decade. The cheapest option is to go to a CVS, Walgreens, Fry's Grocery clinic to see a nurse practitioner. Out of pocket they will cost my $90 per visit. Plus whatever the cost of the meds will be. There is no way I can afford this. So I get to figure it out on my own. Not that it is really hard; live a healthy lifestyle and then your body will be healthy. Imagine that. :)

So I am challenging myself to 30 min of exercise tomorrow. The weather is amazing here in Phoenix, AZ so I really want to go for a hike. I couldn't afford the $100 for beachbody on demand subscription this year but I just got a used copy of 21 Day Fix for $15 I found on the OfferUp app. 21 Day Fix is the only one I used last year when I had the subscription so this seemed like a cost effective option for right now. So 30 minutes minimum of one of these two options. Even if I go slow or have to pause the video a few times. I need to get moving!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Updated Vision Board

Last weekend I had the available time to finish my dream board. I had posted about my goals here but my board was just a draft put together. As a reminder here is the picture of the before.

First I picked up a yard of fabric from Joann's, there is always a coupon for fabric on their mobile app. I then had to go through my actual debt and write it down. I used the debt free heart and pre-printed circles. Each circle got a small post it note with the amount of current debt. I added a little purple paper that details out my debt snowball for the next year. If I work my plan then I will be able to close four credit cards by the end of 2017 paying off $4100. Okay, I hadn't calculated that till just this moment. That is a pretty significant number. That would be really really awesome! Also on the board is a monthly calendar. I printed a years worth. - As a note I wanted to go buy one but of course that would be silly and a waste of money when I have a printer, ink and the internet that has a million amazing options for free. This one I found on Pinterest by Ann Drake and you can see it here. This will help remind me of what I have due when which is something I forget sometimes. I did cover the numbers with pics for some privacy of my details but you can still see how I set it up.

I am now trying to find a good app to track my spending money. One of my biggest issues with money is spending on a daily basis. Honestly eating out is the majority of debt which is super sad. So I have a set amount for food, gas, and other that isn't too strict. So I want an app that I can just put in an amount for the month and then subtract what I have spent during the month. Something that is in my pocket so I cant just spend the money and try to figure it out later. 

So that is my current dream board.

Friday, December 2, 2016


When I was seventeen I decided I wanted a tattoo as soon as I turned eighteen. I was not very cool but my older sister was. I also wanted to feel very adult and do something special for my birthday. My sister had a flower on her ankle and so to follow I got a butterfly on my opposite ankle, I couldn't be exactly like her. I have never regretted my tattoo. Well, as I was getting it the pain was not fun but otherwise I have liked it. Her is the picture of it now. The colors have clearly faded a bit but I got it 16 years ago so that is expected.

For the last ten years or so I have thought about getting a new tattoo. A bible verse that has helped me get through hard times and lows of my depression was Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper, not to harm, for hope and peace." It reminds me how I am here for a purpose and the truth of God's love for me. As I made the tattoo piecing together the fonts that I liked best I decided that I wanted to switch the colon to a semi-colon. Known as a symbol to pause before suicide, a perfect addition to this tattoo. I do want to say that I am better now but still taking meds to help regulate my emotions.  My lows are something that I still have to be aware of but not something I fear as I once did. I am not sure what did it but after 10 years of thinking about it I finally got the tattoo on wrist. I love it and have had zero regret.

I do want to add as a side note about my tattoos. The size is clearly different as well as the locations. The butterfly was fully colored and I have no idea how long it took. I still remember how much I hated getting it. My sister who had come with me was concerned I would pass out and tried putting a scented something under my nose hoping to distract me. The newest tattoo is smaller and is only lines with no fill in. It took ten min at the most so pretty quick but I would swear it did not hurt as much. I think they put a numbing gel on it before the tattoo. That would have been handy 16 years ago. Though I have also lived 16 additional years and was aware of what to expect so that had to also play a part. Tattoo's aren't bad but you definitely need to be committed to your choice and think about social standards as well. This new tattoo is on my wrist but it is placed specifically to be covered by a watch or bracelets for when I am at work. 

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Dreams and Goals

My brain has been thinking about many things lately. First the idea that I may not get married and what I want my life to look like if that is not an option. Second my younger brother and his wife are have a baby in May. It is exciting but it makes me think about never having kids. I will be turning 35 in four months and my life is not what I thought it would be. However that does not mean it is not good. I have had a pretty amazing life actually.

Bucket lists are so common. I started searching though Pinterest and other places for ideas of things I have always wanted to do. I pieced together a couple of long lists of ideas, printed them and started going through. Through the 550 things I had on my list many were duplicates, some I had no interest in at all. The really cool thing was all that I have done. I have traveled to third world countries, snorkeled on a coral reef and with sharks, I have been to Disneyland, Disney World and Hawaii. I have Cliff Jumped and stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I have been in the audience of two different late night shows and sat first row to Cirque du Soleil, one of the performers even sat on my lap. I have lived! I have truly lived!

As I looked at things I really do want to do like so much more traveling, sky diving, riding in a hot air balloon or even traveling in a limo. What I realized is I could make a long list of things I could try to check off a list but being more focused seemed wiser. I am about to be 35 but where do I want to be at 40? What goals can I set right now that will take me where I want to be at 40. Now of course being faithful in Christ I don't know where He will actually lead me but I see some steps that will be good.

So I thought of those things I have been wanting for a long time and how I can get to them in 5 years. First two to work on is traveling to Seattle and becoming a teacher. I am in school now, should actually be working on an assignment now instead of blogging. I have been trying to get to Seattle for a long time. I save some money and then it has to be used for something different. Longer term goals I want to move out of my dad's house and into a nice 2 bedroom apt. I love living where I am at but I can't stay in my dad's house forever. I once owned a house and I think of doing it again but I really don't want to deal with a yard. So things are a bit of give in take when I consider that. The other long term idea is traveling to Ireland, Scotland and England. This is a much more expensive endeavor but maybe for my 40th b-day.

The last thing I am continually working on is paying off my debt. I suck at following a budget and get myself in trouble all the time. So I am adding that onto the list because it will help with at least three of the four goals.

So it is not very fancy right now. I want to get some cloth to make it look nice instead of the cork. But this will do for now. On the bottom I want to add on the monthly calendar so I can see what is going on and when things are due.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love having a few extra days off work. A day when I wake up and not have to get out of bed is a very lovely day indeed. I started my day pretty lazy but I am determined to catch up on homework so I work on one of my assignments to turn in. After submitting Task 1 for my World History class. I am want to get two more assignments done before Tuesday when I meet with my student mentor again. It will catch me up on the 3 weeks of school work I didn't do. The cool thing about this school is that I pay a single fee for the half year. So I can do my scheduled four classes or if I work hard I can get a fifth class done for the same price. It is a pretty awesome opportunity if I take advantage of it.

My family includes my dad, my sister, two brothers and me. We all live here in AZ around the valley but we do not always see each other with the business of life. Like many families we have many differing opinions about things, especially the recent election. I was a little nervous about today but I think it was a great day! Lunch was great and great conversations. My eldest nephew is dating a girl and I haven't had much of a chance to spend time with her. It was great getting to know her and really spending time with my family. It was a lovely day.

Every year I go out shopping for black Friday. I have previous posts about it if you want to look for them. This year was no different. This time I went out to get a Roku 3 devise. It was a pretty awesome deal normally $100 I got it for $50. I also had a chance to pick up a few of the movies I wanted on sale. I watch a lot of Netflix normally streaming through my computer hooked up to my tv. This can be annoying, especially when I want to blog here. The Roku devise lets me watch Netflix, currently watching PrisonBreak, while I do other things.

Tomorrow I will pick up a couple other things. Petsmart for some hamster bedding and maybe Home Depot for a child size cardboard gingerbread house for my classroom. I love that deals are online now. You can pre-think through deals and how you best want to spend your money. My brothers are also really good about purchasing all of the deals online to avoid the crowds.

I pray that your Thanksgiving went as mine.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

A Busy Schedule

After I wrote my last post I was good for a bit and then got a bit depressed. It can be hard to think about the possibility that I won't marry and that I won't have my own kids. I made it through my low and then I have been super busy.

At work things are crazy during this season. On top of teaching and conferences we have special events each week. They are fun but they take extra planning and take from learning times. In addition to work stuff I am working on my BA in Elementary Education at Western Governors University. It is an online college that lets me get all of my assignments done after work.

Each day after work my schedule is full of errands, working on lesson plans and making my way through course. Right now I am just starting my third history class in a row. It seemed like a good idea but working on this third class I kind of regret it. Though when I am done in 5 weeks history classes will be complete. That will be super awesome.


Last night was my friends Colleen and Alec's wedding. It was beautiful and lots of fun. My second trip to Belize Colleen came along. We also drove to Mexico and back which included a flat tire on the way home. It has been awesome watching her relationship grow with Alec. They are a super cute couple and it was totally reflective in the wedding. I am so excited for them!

Only days of work and then a four day weekend!!