About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Sleepy Post

I am tired, exhausted, and frustrated! I have been awake for 17 hour which isn't actually a lot but I feel so tired and run down. I spent two hours exercising and 9 hours with kids and I am just worn out physically and mentally. I am also starving which I shouldn't be because I have eaten plenty of calories today but it has been 4 hours since I last ate so my body is whining at me to eat. But I just want to sleep and I know I don't need the calories but I don't know if I can sleep with a whining stomach.

But I am just at my wits end with these long exhausting days that don't seem to be doing anything for me except helping me gain more weight. I wore my fat pants today and they fit reasonably well this morning but by tonight they were tight on me. I am scared to measure but I may have gained another inch on my stomach! What in the world!! This is NOT what I wanted. My brother says "it takes time" and I know I just started back at the gym but this is just annoying. I litteraly want to cry because it is just so crazy.

Ok and then even worse I have a friend who saw I was loosing weight and was inspired. Well she is using a Homeopathic version of HGC and it is totally working for her. She lost like 80 lbs in the first session (42 days) and is already down 142 lbs and she is still on her second session. I don't even have 142 lbs to loose, I only need to loose about 110, ok maybe it is a little more than that with my current weight gains. But it isn't really healthy (you only eat 500 cal a day) and it is not approved by the FDA. And I don't have ins so if something does go wrong while I am on it then I am out of luck. But she hasn't had any problems and she is so happy and says she has more energy. Plus it is only $82 for one session. I spent $100 last week on fast food. And the Gazelle I bought years ago that I never used was $150. I just want an easy way out. I just want to get rid of this weight and then work to maintain it. Today some kid goes "your butt is big. All of is big." Now he is 4 and his mother is very skinny but it sucks to hear that when as I stand there most of my body is sore from working out. Knowing that my butt is actually bigger even though I have been trying so hard to make it smaller.

So right now in this moment I just want to quit these stupid boot camps. I just want to take the easy way out. Though most of my head is telling me that "if its too good to be true it probably is" but then the other side says well it is true, I know someone it is true for. I can see how much weight she lost. My family thinks its a bad idea, my friends are unsure of it but are swaying toward no's. It just makes everything more frustrating. Like this morning as I am running a mile around a park, really walking most of the way, I just think hey if I was taking HGC I might actually loose this weight. See in my head I already know this isn't working. I see that after 2 weeks I weigh more than I have in months. So now all I can say is grrrr.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

Ok just so you know this blog is probably going to be all over the place. It's like my head is swimming or maybe more like my thoughts are in the wash spinning around in my head. Though I figure that is pretty normal for my blogs.

Went again today, though I barely made it on time. We mostly did cardio which for me is just frustrating. She had us jog around the park stopping at these little exercise stations they have there. But really it just seemed like a lot of jumping. So we would run and then jump and run and then jump some more. Part of it is frustrating because I can see someone else do the full version and I try but my body just won't do it. And don't know maybe it is mental or because my body weighs more than theirs but it is discouraging. Like one spot we held a bar over our head and we were to lift both legs off the ground waist high. The other girl could do this and then trainer actually said she regularly has to lift her toes all the way up the bar not just waist high. But i couldn't do it. I got my feet maybe knee high but not any further. I had to do a modified option of lifting one leg at a time. I am going to keep doing this and finish out the 10 sessions but I don't think I would continue with this company. At least not at this weight. Anyways, so I was driving home out of breath but my body wasn't tired so I actually went to the gym for an hour and did my strength training routine.

Weight Loss:
So I know I said I wasn't going to weigh myself but I couldn't help it. I have noticed my pants getting tighter which is not a good sign. So yesterday I measured and my waist is up 1 inch. I used a different scale so I don't have an exact # but I have gained at least 5 lbs like I suspected. I know it has been my food, I keep eating out. Even today I went out for lunch even though I packed my lunch. But I was thinking about it and I also think is the non-gym thing. As you know I hadn't gone to the gym in several weeks before I started boot camp. And I kept thinking I would go, especially because I had time in the morning. But then I figured the boot camp would replace my strength training. And then when I was sore from the strength training I would use it as an excuse not to go do cardio on my off day. So I am eating worse and really not exercising of course I am gaining weight. I don't know that I will always do the strength training on my boot camp days but I think I might try. When I went today I noticed that when i did chest press and some of the leg moves I could do heavier weights but like my biceps, triceps, and lat pull down they were all much more difficult at my old weights. Actually I barely made it through the triceps and overhead press because the weight was just too much. So this lets me know that although some things are being worked out and improved not everything. I worry about over working a certain muscle group but I am smart and can figure it out. Like I did 30 lunges at boot camp so I only did 40 at the gym instead of my normal 60. I did have to push myself harder on my abs too but had to be careful since we did some ab work in the morning. As I type it out it sounds complicated which is why I have avoided the gym lately but when I was there I just figured it out. I need to trust myself and my knowledge and just go anyways.

I don't think I have talked about it but I currently attend two churches. I have attended Hillside Baptist for over 6 years. I attend at least twice a week and sometimes go more than that. But if you remember at the beginning of this year I was looking for a new group to plug into. At the time I was thinking of a small bible study. Instead God led me to Living Streams where I attend a Sat evening service. For the last 7 months or so I have always considered them separate just being two different parts of my life but over the last month or two I noticed how God is teaching me many of the same things through both churches as well as through some of the random books I have been reading. One of the biggest things is John. I started like 4 months ago a devotional study on John by Beth Moore. It was weird because I had randomly stopped at a Ross and was walking around and on a shelf where there were no other books there sat this book, at a great price. I had a few of her other devotions and wanted this one but didn't get around to buying it because of the cost. Seeing it in that store there was no question it was for me. I think it was two weeks later the Pastor at Living Steams started teaching from the book of John. You would think that was enough of a coincidence but it wasn't. Tim Lahaye, that wrote the Left Behind series. He and the same co-author have a new series where they tell a fictional first hand account from John, Mark, Matthew, and Luke. I was in the library one day and the Luke book had just come out and so it was in their new book area and it looked interesting. I noticed it was actually the fourth book so I went to see if they had the others and they did. The series started with John. I have had the book for 6 weeks, finally had to return it today. I have been slowly making my way through. Well the book isn't just about the book of John, 4th book in the New Testament. But it was about all John wrote which includes Revelations. Since Jan we have been studying Revelations in my Sun morning bible study. So knowledge from the class helped with book and now knowledge from the book is helping on Sun mornings. Not only that but the Pastor at Hillside, who is normally all over the bible. Has often been picking many verses and stories from both John and Revelations. Now I don't actually believe in coincidences and there is no way that this just happened. So I have been trying to learn and absorb as much as I can right now just trying to learn anything and everything God wants me to know.

A second interesting coincidence is fasting. Living Steams did a month of fast because the 26th was their 26th anniversary. So fasting was on my mind. Then last Sunday out of the blue the Pastor at Hillside mentions that he is going to be fasting on Mon and Tue and encourages us to fast as well. Although I have been interested in fasting it has always been a scary idea to me. I already have so many food issues that fasting doesn't sound like the right thing for me. But here I am and I feel like God is telling me to fast. So I got this book that is literally called "Fasting" of course by Christian author. I am hoping that I can get some insight into this fasting thing so I can feel more comfortable about it. Though I get being uncomfortable is part of the point so I will lean on God. I was thinking maybe instead of food I could fast from tv for 21 days but knowing me, and the lovely site Hulu, I could just watch it all after the 21 days. But would that be cheating? Knowing that I would get to watch it later. I mean it would still drive me nuts seeing my hulu queue grow, listening to my brother watch shows, or even listening to people talk about shows. I am not sure. Now I do know you aren't actually supposed to tell people you are fasting because you aren't supposed to be lifting yourself up to show others what you are doing. But I think the reason why I wanted to post this is first for your prayers that I won't chicken out and two for any tips or idea's you have for me encouraging this. Have you fasted? What kind of fast? I keep thinking I need to lock myself in my room and be alone but don't people fast while they work? Any advise would be helpful.

The List:
Awhile ago I posted about making a to do list. Things I want to accomplish in life. I said I would post it soon. When I sat down to think about it I realized that nothing on my list is for God. Everything is stuff I want to do; go to ireland, bungy jump, own a new car. But my list, and more importantly my life, need to reflect what God wants me to do. Sure me to have fun and be happy but my plans are not very often His plans. And yet His plans always turn out better. So I need more time to think and pray before I make a new list.

On a side note to this (I can not remember if I told you this yet.) I did start teaching myself spanish. I have this workbook I found at Sam's club. And then I can only get part of my dad's spanish program work but I am using the part that works. I was going to look into how many credits I need and I need 18 credits for a general AA degree. But I really have no desire to go back to school so at least I know my credit count. The third thing I was working on was saving for a trip to Seattle. This really hasn't happened yet. As I mentioned before I keep going out to eat and that's expensive. Plus my old school loans are coming due again and I don't think I am going to defer again. But I am working on my budget and hopefully it will come together.

I took my nephews to the AZ Museum for Youth. Honestly it is really small and pretty boring. Unless you live near it or are really desperate for something to do in Mesa I would say skip it. The AZ Science Center is better for youth and the Children's Museum is best for little kids. I posted several fun photo's on Facebook because my crazy nephews can have fun almost anywhere.

So my car sucks and I am not supposed to drive it long ways because it overheats. Well I did it anyways and went out to mesa and back. On the way home, like 3 miles from home the car did overheat and stall out. But I just had to let it cool for a little while and then we were good to go. But now the car engine is extra loud and it doesn't like being between 40-45. I push it anyways but I know something is wrong. I checked all my fluids and everything is full and nothing is really leaking. I know I should take it in but I seem to hate every mechanic I take it to and then all want to charge an arm and a leg. So I don't know what I am going to do. I was thinking maybe take it to the Nissan dealership for a full 109 point inspection or whatever it is so I can get a list of everything they think is wrong. I am sure it will be very long but maybe if I get someone honest (yeah right) and I say "ok, I have $200 what is the most important" then maybe that will work. I don't know, but I will figure it out.


Ok, I have been up for 17 hours now so it must be time for bed. Hopefully most of this was at least coherent enough to read if not then you probably didn't get this far. :) Have a fabulous day!!

Friday, September 24, 2010

One week down

So here I am one week later, 4 boot camps down. It has been quite a week. I am finding waking up at 4:30 am to be difficult. It makes for very long days. I have been doing the full hour workouts and have been sore every day.

The problem is that I don't think I am loosing any weight. In fact I am pretty sure I gained weight. As I said I haven't officially been weighing myself. But I know that my pants are feeling tighter and this morning I stepped on a scale and I think I have gained 5 lbs. Now part of that may be muscle weight so I am not to worried about the weight gain. I do think I have been eating too much. I keep getting confused about when I am hungry verses when my abs are sore. So then I eat not realizing that I am not actually hungry. Plus I am awake several more hours during the day and so I think I am eating extra with that. But then yesterday I was so busy I only ate twice. I need to do something different. I have been eating sweets this last week so I am sure that hasn't helped either.

I didn't do cardio yesterday. I felt too sore that I didn't think I could. Of course looking back on it now I probably could have pushed through 30 min. I need to try to do cardio tomorrow and probably Sunday too. I just want to do at least 30 min to keep myself moving.

This morning at boot camp we had to do a run. She didn't want us to stop but not very far all I had to. I think the air was too cold and it made it hard to breath. I ended up walking most of the way. I had to use my inhaler when I got back to the tables and it felt like my lungs were on fire for the next 20 min. In fact even now I it is painful to breath. Strength I can do but this cardio is just painful. Even while I was walking back I knew that my problem wasn't that my muscles couldn't do it, it was that my lungs couldn't do it.

Monday, September 20, 2010


I should be cleaning right now. Why? Well 10 min ago I found out that there will be a birthday party at my house tonight. Tomorrow is my older brother's birthday turning the big 32. My dad is coming in to town and as life goes it was all thrown together last minute. I have to go to work soon so I think I will just power clean after work. Most of what needs to be cleaned is just clutter around. Shoes on the floor, stacks of papers around. I do need to do a quick clean of the bathroom too. I figure its not really a big deal, my brother does totally deserve a party so it is worth it.

I spent the last hour driving around trying to find a cheaper car battery. I didn't really realize how expensive it was for a new battery. I am sure my current one is going to die on me any minute so I will need to make a decision soon (like today.)

Boot camp was good this morning. The trainer was late but called us and she has us start running the perimeter of the park. They said it was probably 2 miles. We didn't run the whole thing it was more of an off and on running thing. Afterwards we did a team exercise. We had to do 100 sit-ups, box jumps, superman's, and squats. But we did them collectively so I would do some and the other girl would do some. When we weren't doing the exercise we had to hold 5 lb weights straight up in the air. The other girl definitely pushes her self harder than me so she kind of picked up where I lacked. At some points I could have done more but when we reached our 100 we were done. This time she did let me do crunches with legs lifted instead of full sit-ups which I was so happy about because I still feel sore from Friday. Ok, no too sore today but yesterday my abs were killing me, it was painful to move. But maybe I will work up to the full sit-ups with this repetition. Overall I am glad I went back today.

Alright, time to change and go off to work.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Boot Camp Day 1

So I went to boot camp this morning. I went to bed last night at 8pm and I got plenty of sleep before my alarm went off this morning at 4:30am. I was surprised how easily I woke up despite the early hour. I went down to the park, found myself there a little early but soon saw a couple other girls show up. My class only has one other girl in it, which is why they wanted me to join right away. The trainers roommate also joins in the class but is much more advanced than us.

We start our warm up doing 10 squats, 10 pushups, and 10 sit-ups each 3 times. No problem I thought, then she said the sit-ups had to be all the way up. I can't do that, like literaly. I can do crunches 10 different ways but go from laying down to sitting up without using my hands! Your nuts. I guess she is training to be a detective and so for that you have to do full sit-ups so she now thinks its important. I did end up doing them but the last 10 took forever and a lot of my energy and self motivation to get through them.

Next up was a run. I don't know how long it was, seemed like forever but I didn't do too bad. I think my recent 5K training really helped. Though I don't think we even ran a quarter of a mile which makes me feel wimpy. Toward the end my breathing really got labored but I could still take full breaths so I didn't worry about it.

Next up was our actual workout. 100 jumping jacks, 75 lunges, 50 dips, and 25 burpies (jumping to the ground and then doing a push up.) I had to start on the jumping jacks. Have I told you how much I hate jumping jacks? I know I have. I think this was my downfall. All jumping jacks do is stress me out because I hate them and then get my heart rate up. I don't need my heart rate up because once it is up I have stop and get it to slow down before I keel over. I did get through my 100 jumping jacks and then tried to move on to the 50 dips. Normally 50 dips is no problem, it is just working your triceps. But I was already feeling nauseous from the jumping jacks and so as I push myself to do the dips I just keep feeling worse. Mentally I quit at 20 dips but did keep going to 40 dips. At that point I said no more and left.

The trainer was nice about it. Walked me to my car and encouraged me to come back on Monday because we do different stuff everyday. She says she will e-mail me to find out what I want to focus on so she can modify the routine and for me to let her know what exercises I do and don't like. I think I am going to have to mention the jumping jacks to her. Even just walking back to my car I started to realize how dizzy and nauseous I really was. On the way home I had to mentally remind myself I had no interest in throwing up. Even now, after a shower and drinking my iced down gatorade I still feel a little sick.

Now for those of you who the most you have seen the inside of a gym is watching Biggest Loser then I will let you know you are not actually supposed to vomit. I know that Jillian Micheals thinks it is great, even funny. But in reality it is probably because your body is not getting enough oxygen. I remember watching SWAT with Collin Farrell. At one point he is working out so many hours a day he threw up. I thought that was so cool, one day I wanted to work out that hard. And then comes Biggest Loser and they do it on there. But then I did some research, actually its not very good for your body. Means something is wrong. So with that knowledge I knew I couldn't keep pushing myself farther than my body wanted to go.

I do think I wasn't breathing enough. I remember while doing pushups a couple times realizing I was holding my breath. Then with jumping jacks I don't even know if I was breathing with everything moving around so much it is hard to keep track. Here I am at 7:15 am and I realize I should go back on Monday. I need to focus on my breathing and if we do something like this rotation again then see if I can split up the jumping jacks. Maybe if I did 20 at a time it wouldn't have been as hard on my body and I could have made it through everything instead of just the first step and a half. All I know is that I would rather spend two hours a day exhausting my body in the gym then feel that dizzy and nauseous at a boot camp. And yes even that meant I wouldn't loose anymore weight. I think those symptoms are like a yellow light you need to listen not just ignore them. Because listening to my body is more important than loosing a couple pounds.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Boot Camp

Yes you read that right I said Boot Camp. Long ago, must have been May or June I signed up through Groupon for a boot camp with Ultimate Boot Camp. I knew they had a huge response and I wanted to wait anyways till Oct or Nov to do the camp. Then in Aug Doozy of A Deal had a boot camp offer through Boot Camp Chicks. And I thought what's better then one month of boot camp then 2 months of boot camp, so I bought it.

Well I was think Oct and Nov for these camps so that I would look my best before Christmas, you know Holiday parties and all. But the Boot Camp Chicks last class is Sep 25th - Oct 22nd and then they have no classes till April. I thought no big deal, I kept forgetting to call. Or I would call and really it is just someone's cell phone and if she doesn't know the number she lets it go to voicemail. Anyways I finally sign up online on Tue night. I get a call while I am in the shower saying if you are planing on going to tomorrows class it is...and she gave me directions. I thought she must be mixed up and ignored it. Wed morning I call and get the voicemail of course and leave a message inquiring about the prev nights call and confirming I purchased through Doozy of A Deal. I get a call back later explaining that if I want I can start on Friday and that's why they called Tue night so I could start on Wed (even though that isn't what was said.) I agreed to go on friday because I am having some scheduling conflicts with the other boot camp.

So now I have a conundrum. After the phone call I realize that I think they are planning on shorting me the two days (The class is M,W,F.) So I would have 10 classes and end on Fri Oct 8th. Now I could probably easily get them to let me go my two additional classes on 10/11 and 10/13. The problem is the other boot camp that I wanted to take in Oct or Nov the last class of the year they have starts on 10/11. Otherwise I may have to wait till Jan. So do I short myself those two classes from the first group so I can just have it all together or will two months of this possibly make me crazy and I should split it up anyways.

Oh, and in case you are asking "why not do both for those two day." First of all that would be insane and second because both are from 5:30 am to 6:30 am. Yes, I said am. And for anyone that knows me knows that this is going to be a huge challenge in itself just to get myself out of bed every morning. Both groups have night classes but the classes start at 6pm and I don't get off work till 6 pm so that won't work. So what do you think. I am actually leaning toward the back to back classes and just ignoring the loss of two days. I got a great deal on these classes and so I really shouldn't be so stingy about it. Especially because both are pretty expensive and I don't think I could keep up the 5:30 am classes for more than two months.

So I start on Friday. And I have no idea how I am going to do it. I mean here I am on Wed night up at 12:30 am blogging. Maybe I will try to wake up early tomorrow (7 or 8) so I can get to sleep earlier in the evening. I have to be honest I am a little scared because I haven't really been going to the gym lately. I went on Mon but only did 30 min on the eliptical. But I also know that I can push myself. I do need to ask my friend Kandie about what she thinks I should eat before. My body isn't used to being up this early and I think I am going to confuse it.

Anyways, I will let you know how it goes on Friday.

Monday, September 13, 2010

A weekend of food

This weekend was a little different. I normally watch my sisters kids all day saturday and sunday. But she had a big test on Sat morning and so she and her husband decided to do a staycation saturday night. This meant I had Saturday morning to myself but then stayed at my sisters all night and all sunday. Because I normally don't have saturday's off I wanted to do something, often times for me that means eating out. I became more aware of this this weekend but I will tell you about that later.

Saturday morning I woke up and my brother was showing his art at like a sidewalk fair thing. So I went out and stopped at dunkin donuts and got two donuts. This didn't really work out well. I was still hungry afterwards because I was used to eating a real breakfast and their donuts were more expensive and yet weren't any better than what I sometimes get at QT. In fact they didn't even have any filled donuts there, how weird is that. I went and hung out with my brother and SIL for awhile and then came home. On the way home I was craving soda (probably due to the donuts) and stopped at Taco Bell for lunch. Delicious but totally not healthy. I got to watch a movie before heading over to my sisters. For dinner I went to Wendy's and got the club sandwich, my favorite! The problem is a also got a medium vanilla shake. I am literally still sick from eating that stupid shake. I new I shouldn't eat it. I knew it would be a bad idea but I just got it in my head and couldn't seem to get it out. The next morning was a protein bar because it was easy and then lunch we went to McDonald's.

For dinner I was on my own. I was driving home and all think about was Baja Fresh. I wanted the quesadilla or maybe the nacho's. But I new that it wasn't fiscally responsible even if it would be delicious. I convinced myself to go to fry's instead because for the same $9 for one meal and 12 oz of soda I could easily get a bag of chips, shredded cheese, and a 2 litter. So that's what I did. The problem is I was on my way home from my sisters house so I had all my stuff in my car from staying the night. So not until I got to my car with my bags did it even dawn on me that my laptop was in the back of my car! Now you may so, no big deal. But remember my drivers window is stuck down so my car is never secure plus my windows are not tinted. Now thank GOD it was still there. But I still can't believe I left it there. I was so single minded toward getting the food and soda that I thought of nothing else. Not even my favorite position. Seriously if my house was on fire, bible's are cheap a new laptop not so much. Oh, and all my pictures on my laptop to so that just ads to the value.

After this happened I could think about was that morning's bible study. We are in Revelations and were discussing how during the tribulation Christians will die for their belief's and that you have to decide now what you will do if it happens not wait till the moment happens. Like with teenagers; they need to decide now if they will be abstinent not while they are in the "heat" of the moment. In class the discussion then turned into other parts of our lives where sin is a problem listing things like drugs, alcohol and porn. But for me it is food. Sat night the idea of the frosty entered my head and I couldn't seem to kick it out. I had actually been wanting to go to Dairy Queen all day and kept trying push away the thought but then I found myself at Wendy's and it was like my "drug" of choice was right there in front of me totally available. I have heard same thing about how I forgot about my computer people who are thinking about the alcohol or the drugs forget important things like their kids. And I know my computer is not as important as a kid but honestly where my head was if Tirso was in the back I just pray the Holy Spirit would have stopped me to remember him. I know it is awful to say and I almost don't want to post it but I think it is a real problem. ... I don't want food to control my life. I can't let it. And don't really know what I can do but be aware and the more I stop myself hopefully I learn to retrain my brain. I don't know though.


As I said I was with my nephews and I realize how important food is to me. See in my head (because I was already obsessing over it) that going to Dairy Queen would be a treat for them. But they didn't really care because it is just food to them. And then the next day I took them to Arrowhead because I wanted to hang out with my friend and her son and my youngest nephew could play together. And I felt bad that they had such a bad time that again I just kept thinking that maybe food would fix it. I could take them to taco bell or mcdonalds or something and it would fix. And I had remind myself that where in my head going out to eat is this big treat and special that for them its just food. I mean they like it and bug me sometimes to go instead of have PB&J but if they are not hungry they don't keep eating. They would prefer pants, shirts, hats, silly bands, etc. And this really made me realize how food is just...I don't like mentally I am messed up. I hate saying I bad relationship with food because that is part of the problem food is food it shouldn't affect me like this.


oh and on a side note after realizing I had left the computer in the car I had no desire to eat the nacho's and then soda bottle is still sealed in my fridge.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

It begins

So I went to three stores; Whole Foods, Sunflower, and Sam's Club. I have spent my entire monthly budget for food already but I have no reason to step into a grocery store for 3 weeks. And even then it will just be for milk and yogurt. I decided not to buy any soda. I have already been struggling with this decision the last few days feeling tired and blah. But I think after some time passes that I will be ok. My brother and sister-in-law gave up caffeine awhile ago and they agree that the first few weeks are tough but then you get through it. I know I need to make sure I get enough sleep each night plus with going to the gym that should help with my energy level to.

Yesterday my friend had to teach a BodyPump class and wanted me to come so of course I did. We got there a little early so we jumped into the last 20 min of a Zumba class, then did her class, and then tried to do this martial arts type class. I only made it about 15 min and then had to quit. It had been 3 weeks since I last worked out plus I pushed myself pretty hard in the BodyPump class. Today I am feeling pretty sore in my legs but that is good. It reminds me how I need to get back in the gym. Reminds me that I do enjoy working out. Plus today my pants feel a little tighter, I think I went up another inch! Totally not cool! So back to what I know is healthy. Oh and I changed my 90 day board. I have always had it say "90 days to Victory" but I changed it to "My body is a temple." Because it is, it is God's temple and I am not treating it very nicely. So over the next 90...82 days I will not stress about my weight or calories and instead eat healthy and go to the gym to be healthy and strengthen my heart.

I do think that for the first week that it will be tough. I have been eating whatever I can, whenever. Which means my calorie intake is probably way to high. So going back down to a reasonable calorie intake will be hard. Plus the caffeine withdraw this week. And then adding in the exercise. As I type it all out I realize it is a lot to do all at once but I also know I have done this before. It is a routine and lifestyle I had for 2 months (I did drink soda though.) I think I can do it. And when it gets tough I need to remember to just trust and lean on God because He can help me through.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Do you have a list?

Recently I had been searching for books about running a 5K. A book came up called "The Next Thing on My List." I checked it out from the library without really knowing what it was. Turns out it was a fiction novel about a woman, June, who gives someone a ride home but then a tragic accident happens and the passenger dies. The passenger had a list of things to do before turning 25 and so June decides to finish the list for her. It was a really good book. Some of it predictable and some it was a total shocker.

The idea of having a list is such a recuring theme in many movies; The Bucket List, Last Holiday, and A Walk to Remember are just few that come to mind. When "A Walk to Remember" came out I tried to make a list of 100 things, I think I only got to about 30. Then when "Last Holiday" came out I loved the idea of a book of possibilities and so I made one. I used some of the idea's from my original list (which is actually tucked in the first page of the book) and I added new idea's to my book. I watched "Bucket List" but everything seemed so big so I didn't really get inspired by it. But here I am reading this book and again a list comes up. Most of the things she writes down aren't too big; run a 5K, go on a blind date, ride in a helicopter. Some are bigger; loose 100 lbs (she did before dying), make a difference in someone's life, take mom & grandma to a concert.

Last night I was looking at my list/book again. I have done a few things but not very many. I start to wonder why not. Some things are bigger than others but there is no reason why I shouldn't put some effort toward completing some of these tasks.

On one of the blogs I follow (Likeawarmcupofcoffee.com)the woman made a goal to learn one new skill every month. Things like changing a tire, how to quilt, french braid daughters hair, and make homemade candles. I love that idea too. Focus on 1 thing at a time but give yourself a date to complete it by. The link is here is you want to take a look: http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com/home/2010/08/12-new-things/

I think I have decided on three things to focus on for right now but I haven't come up with a date of completion yet. First, start saving to go to Seattle. I have mentioned this before to you. I have wanted to go to Seattle since...I think since I was 16 or so. I don't know why but it has been my obsession to go and then other things come up and I haven't made it. But I want it to be my prority. So when I make money babysitting (besides my sister because that is part regular income) I will save it. I already got started. On Wed night at church I do nursery during choir which pays me $6 a week. And then last night a family from work I sometimes babysit for called me up. So that money goes right toward my fund. I don't know exactly how long it will take but I am going to do this.

Second is to learn spanish. It is so important here in AZ. And yes I have gotten by without it but would really like to know more. The school I work for even focuses on teaching spanish and sometimes 3rd & 4th graders know more spanish than I do. My dad had gotten a spanish set of disks and lent them to me since he had already loaded them on his computer. So I am going to start going through the disks and working on it. And then if I have any specific questions I know that the spanish teachers at work would be happy to help. I don't think I will be fluent anytime soon but a basic knowledge could deffinitly help.

Third. Ok this one is hard and I almost don't want to mention it. School. I want my associates degree. I think I am about 18 credits from a general AA. I don't have much of a desire to go back to classes but I think that an AA could help me advance here and in future jobs. So I am going to start looking into which credits I need to do this. Figure out what it would take for my degree.

So there they are three things on my list I am currently working toward. I think there are a great place to start. Have you writen list? Are there goals or skills you are trying to acheive? I need to refresh my list, meeting Ben Affleck and getting on Road Rules aren't really something I want to acheive anymore. But I plan to post my list by next week. What's is on your list? Do you have any recomendations for my list?

Blog Avoidence

*I wrote this at my sisters house and her computer does not spell check. So yes I know many spelling errors.

So I have been meaning to post this all week. I keep meaning to and then finding, something, anything else to do instead. After 90 days I ended up at 260 lbs (about 5 lb gain) and no inches lost. This did not come as a surprise as I did not exercise for the last 2 1/2 weeks of the 90 days as well as I binge ate the last week too. So no changes because I self sabatoged.

I have decided to stop stressing about everything. I do want to be healthy but this constant obsession is not doing me well. I am going to make my food easier, less options and less waste on food I don't even like.

I always wish I was a cook. That I cared enough to spend my time cooking a great meal but I just don't like to. I can follow a recipe. I have even cooked Thanksgiving a couple times. But even the steps to make a salad every day for work is a pain to me. Then by the time I get around to doing it all the stuff has gone bad and its like throwing money down the drain. I know that I do this every once in awhile. I get it in my head that if I cooked full meals then that would be the key to someone loving me, but honestly that is just silly. I like simple. It drives me crazy to spend 20-30 min making a burger and fries that take me four min to eat. Or even an egg and sausage that take 8-10 min to cook and 2 min to eat. I think that if I had someone to cook for maybe it would give me a reason to cook. But of course this makes me realize why my mom always hated that we weren't more appreciative of her cooking. She spent time and effort and we, ok I didn't appreciate it. Ah, things to look forward to. :)

This last week I have not gone to the gym. I can't believe it either. And the longer I don't go I find I don't have the desire to go any more. I know I need to go. I know it keeps me healthy but when considering what to do on Friday night going to the gym didn't even cross my mind. I don't like it. The gym is important and I need to treat it that way. So goal next week is to go 3 times minimum.

With a change of what I am eating to something simpler I need to clean out what I currently have. Which means eating all the stuff I have in my fridge, freezer, and cabnets. I of course ate all the snacking stuff first; popcorn, chips, crackers, etc. Now I am getting a little more creative with my meals. I did have to go to Fry's to get some more milk for the boxes of cereal I have. (The new Signature Fry's is 1 mile from my work so I was looking for an excuse to go.) On Thursday night I was going through the freezer and I found something I bought from Trader Joes. It was a seafood stew with shrimp, clams, mussles, and cod. It was ok, but kind of weird. I really tried to eat it all but some did end up down the disposal. :( But I was glad I tried it. There is a lot of chicken in my freezer and a totinoes pizza that I think has been in their for over a year. Most of the random stuff is gone now and I am finding more room in my cabnet and freezer now.

The next step is figuring out what to eat now. Ok, I do pretty much have that figured out. I am always running late so breakfast has to be edible on the go. Lunch has to be portable as I am never home for lunch. Literally, 7 days a week I am not home to eat lunch. Dinners can be more flexible but I want to keep them simple. I like to go to the gym in the evenings but not during rush hour. So I get off at 6 pm, go home and eat and then go to the gym. But if dinner takes 30-60 min to make then that pushes back when I can go to the gym which pushes when I get to bed. So simple things; cereal, eggs, burgers, spaggetti, toquitoes. I really just want to fall into a routine with my food instead of constantly worring about it. Honestly that is how I lost the first 50 lbs, I wasn't paying attention. I was just trying to eat healthy and yet enjoy what I ate.

So I actually shouldn't have any posts about weight loss for at least the next 90 days. In 90 days I am again going to stop and see where I am and adjust accordingly. But besides that I want to focus on other things in my life.