About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Week 9 - 3lb loss

I know I haven't been blogging lately. See what I had been doing is getting home from work, exercising, taking my shower, and then sitting down to blog about the day. But I haven't been exercising so I haven't been blogging. I read a lot of other blogs about other people trying to loose weight or maintain their 80+ lb weight loss. And they all have this commitment to blog every day no matter what. I have seen them post the good and the bad. I have seen them not have anything else to say so they just post pictures of everything they ate that day. (These bloggers LOVE photo's) Photo's are time consuming though so I don't usually use them. I had the one blog a couple weeks ago where I did include pictures and it was because I wanted to see how much extra time it would take to take pictures, load them on the computer, and then get them to be on my blog the correct way. It did take awhile so I won't make it an everyday thing.

So here I am, I actually just ended week 2 of my 12 week challenge. And honestly so far I am not doing so good. All I can seem to think about is bingeing on bad foods. I can't even tell you how many times I have eaten out this week. Not every day but probably 4 or 5 times this week. And when I say that I mean that I was eating bad food. Friday night I went to Carlos O'Brians for mexican food. So delicious but a billion calories. Today I did Wendy's and I know I went to starbucks and Paradise Bakery at least once this week. And then at night I am also eating poorly, staying late for no reason and then eating more calories than necessary. Intellectually I know that I am doing something stupid but the immediate fix I get from the food I eat somehow because more important. Actually this week while I have been trying to really think about what I am doing I have felt more like a addict than ever before. It is like I need a fix and I try to do things to distract myself from the desire of the fix but it doesn't usually work. Last night I knew I had eaten enough food but I really wanted to eat. Part of me even wanted to go out and find some ice cream. Instead I went over to my brother and sil side of the house and talked with them for awhile. I think it bugged them that I was like interrupting to talk about nothing in particular. But all it did was postpone the eating. Though I think that 30 min did keep me from leaving the house to find food and instead I just ate what was in my fridge instead. I know that when I exercised at night that definitely stopped my late night eating. I was exhausted from working out and when I was hungry after a work out I made good choices. Better choices than what I make now. So there I am again at the fact that I really need to start exercising regularly again.

I work at a school and this week I have it off for spring break. I keep joking with my brother that I should work out 6 hrs a day like they do on the biggest loser. I wonder how much weight I could loose doing that and how much I would gain back after I crashed the next week. I actually stopped to try and figure out what I would need to do. I think I worked it out to 1:30 of different videos and then walk 13 miles mixed in. Or something else crazy. It was a lot of walking. I don't think I will actually do that but I will continue to try and get myself to start exercising daily. I was thinking of going to a couple zoo's and maybe a museum this week so those would be some good walking. I have never been to Out of Africa so I was thinking of doing that tuesday and then on thursday going to the Phoenix Zoo. I love to take pictures so I thought I would borrow my brothers fancy oldschool manual non-digital camera to take pictures at both. And then this week is First Fridays and so the Phoenix Art Museum is open free all day though I kind of want to go see the natural history museum, I don't think I have ever been but was thinking of waiting to take my nephew some saturday I have them instead of going alone. Today while my sister and bil took their 4 oldest kids to Wrestlemania I took Tirso (2y old) to the Children's Museum. I had several people say it would be great for him and I was able to get a couple free tickets from my local library so I thought that was a good deal. It was a lot of fun, I am really glad I could take him. It is only for ages 2 - 10 so it is all focused right toward his age group. There was only one spot that was set up like a grocery store that I didn't think he would understand and would probably try to eat everything and then get upset when he couldn't but instead they had an area specific for 3y and under and he spent forever in that area. So a good two hours spent.

So I finally sent in my Biggest Loser application. I dragged my heels on it forever but decided thursday night I couldn't postpone any longer. So I had one clip I had to do voice over for and then I rewrote my application (I had edited my previous so it had to be rewritten.) Then I had to take a picture. They wanted a picture of me and I don't really have any by myself so I dressed up in a pretty dress, put my hair down, and put on a little make-up. Then with the help of my brother I got a good picture to send in to them. Actually making the dvd was so hard. I had made the video in imovie then had to transfer it to idvd to be able to burn it to a dvd. Well, the first copy cut off my head (my awesome brother figured out that fix.) Then I forgot to change the name so after 15 min trying to transfer to idvd it broke my computer and I had reset. Then it crashed my computer 2 more times. It was 2am, I was exhausted and on my last nerve about to just send the video with no head tried it one more time and it finally worked. Praise the Lord!! I mailed it off on Friday. So maybe I will hear back maybe not but I tried. There are dozen things I feel like I should have done different on the video but I did what I could and I gave them what they asked for and I think I showed me. So we will see.

So as you saw on the title I did loose 3 lbs this week. I am not really excited about it since I gained 6 lbs the week before. Plus I know I didn't do anything specific to deserve a weight loss so I don't really care because I don't know if it will stay or not. So I think that is all I have to say about that. So until I post again. Ta Ta!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Week 8 - 6 lb gain

Yes I wrote that right. I gained 6 lbs in the last week. Although I exercised Sun-Tue I didn't the rest of the week. And last night instead of exercising I started binge eating. And to continue with my honesty it continued to today. I have also been measuring my waist every week and it went from a 51" up to 52". Which I know should motivate me to get up and exercise but it is just depressing. And then I start thinking about how much easier it has been just not exercising and eating what I want. It is a lot less stressful and I have more time for other things like sleep and reading. Am I giving up, No of course not. It is just rough right now. But I will make it through, you'll see.

Friday, March 19, 2010

An off week

On wednesday I had an 8am dentist apt. I have to go back on Monday to get my actual crown done. They actually almost sent me home before even mentioning doing a crown. I was confused since I thought it was part of the deal and had to ask for it to be done. I don't understand why they would quote me $1100 for a root canal and crown and then expect me to only do the root canal and leave in a temp filling. I didn't even know that was an option or I would have done it sooner since it would have only cost me $400. Anyways crown goes in on Monday morning.

After work I went home and my brother had made corned beef and cabbage with red potatoes. It was delicious and fit for St Patrick's Day. I had church and got home early. Just like I had planned I went right to bed so I could catch up on some sleep which meant I was in bed by 9:30. So no exercise on wednesday.

Thursday was a long day. I started work at 8am and got off at 6pm. And again I know doesn't seem so long but I normally work part time so it was a lot. Mid day I had my regular 1 1/2 break and I totally got the munchies. All I wanted to do was leave and go find some junk to eat. But I fought the urge knowing I had already eaten plenty. And so I went and sat in the school library and distracted myself reading children's books. I don't know why it worked but it did. Even with that distraction I did not eat very well yesterday. I was having a long day so I decided I would eat the school lunch they had chicken quesadilla's. Then during my break I had a yogurt and fruit strip. Then before I was able to distract myself I had 3 servings of cheez-its.

After work the plan was to do 4 miles with my walk away the pounds dvd's. I only got 1 mile done and then sat down. I just didn't feel like exercising. I kept trying to convince myself to get up and do just one more mile but I couldn't do it. I went to take a shower and felt so guilty that I didn't do more. I did move some with the 1 mile but I need to do better. I am disappointed in myself. Then as part of my "don't care" attitude I ate bad again. I had a trader joe pizza in my freezer. The plan was to eat half but after half it was just so good I went and ate the other half. For dessert I had the last of the marble cake my brother made me for my birthday. I did stop eating it when I was full and even threw away a couple bites so I am proud of that. I want to blame the fact that it was such a long day and I have been so tired lately. But you and I know those are just excuses. I need to do better and I don't know where it was yesterday but part of my wants to do better.

This week my niece and nephew from illinois are coming to town for spring break. So I will watch them the next two weekends. I am excited to see them but that also means no exercising at my sisters house. I was thinking that since I took wed off and mostly took yesterday off from exercise I need to exercise sat. So I will need to do it when i get home. Oh wait I get to come home early tomorrow. My brother in law is getting off work early so he can have more time with his kids so I should have time to go home exercise and then make it to church for the evening. I am totally excited!

Tonight the plan is the Biggest Loser Bootcamp video and a 1m walk. The goal is also to first eat a salad before dinner so I do not overeat. I will update you later on this.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I don't wanna

So on tuesday I woke up early again for work and got some extra hours. But I forgot to pack a lunch so I came home mid-day. Now my brother had baked a marble cake for me on Monday night so when I came home for lunch i couldn't resist eating a peice. It was delicious! I figured that was enough calories for lunch. But on the way back to work I started to get a headache and realized I hadn't had any caffeine so I stopped at a Wendy's real quick. That was a mistake. I ordered my soda, a diet coke. Then I also got one of their chicken sandwiches from the dollar menu thinking I should eat more than just cake. And since I was at Wendy's and I have one of their cool frosty key chain's that give me a free jr frosty any time I buy something I got one of those too. Oh and then or desert yesterday evening I had more cake. So needless to say I totally went over my calories for the day. I blame poor planning on my part. And although cake once during the day would have been fine a second time wasn't so good.

I did get some exercise in. I had planned to do it right after work but didn't exercise till 10pm for plain procrastination sake. Then I had planned 4 miles but I only did 3. Which is still great in my opinion. I haven't exercised in a month and I am still sore today from monday's workout. Plus I keep missing sleep so I am so very tired as well. Actually because this morning I had to get up for a dentist apt at 8am and then tomorrow I go into work early again I have decided to skip today's workout. I work till 5 today, come home and eat, then church till 9pm. So I will go to bed right after that. I think that neglecting my sleep is going to hurt me more than if I staying up and exercising after church will help me. Even now I feel so very tired and wish I could sleep instead of go to work. But off to work I go anyways.

Monday, March 15, 2010

So very tired

Last night I was trying to post and stayed up way to late. I think I went to bed at 2:30am. I was supposed to wake up at 6am to take an antibiotic but slept right threw the alarm. I did wake up at 8:30 when work called and asked if I would come in for extra hours. Knowing I am trying to save for the summer I said yes. *Side note: I do get work the summer program with the school I work for however it will still give me 7 weeks off in the summer. Better than 3 months but I will still have bills those 7 weeks so I am trying to save. Plus if I save enough maybe I will actually go somewhere too.

So I was at work from 9am - 6pm. Which I know is only 9 hr and I did have a 1 1/2 break in their to. But with the little amount of sleep the day just seemed so long. I was tired on my drive home. But I knew I couldn't skip today's exercises, I knew I wasn't really going to sleep at 6pm anyways. So I stuck in the Jillian Micheals 30 day shred. I have 4 of the Biggest Loser video's and I have to say that this video is comparable if not slightly easier. Yes I just said easier. The video with warm up and cool down is 20 min. It is circuit training so you are switching exercises every 30 - 60 seconds. So although each one is very difficult I love that you move on to something new very quickly. Some of the things that make it difficult are the pushups, crunches, bicycle crunches, jumping jacks, and jumping kickbacks. But each of these are pretty basic moves in any video and something you have to build up to. Personally I hate jumping. To be blatant I have always had big boobs and even in expensive sports bra's they bounce which can be painful. So I need to work up to the jumping jacks; they scare me more than push ups. Overall it was a good video. I modified a few exercises so I didn't get the full burn and at 20 min I did take like 3 min break. So not perfect but pretty good.

After finishing the video I was exhausted but I hadn't eaten and I really wanted to walk 1 mile as well. So I ate dinner and procrastinated for a couple hours. Then finally at 10pm when i couldn't put it off any longer I got off my bum and did my one mile. It definitely got my heart rate up but the fact that I knew what I was doing helped me get through it. It was like 22 min with warm up and cool down.

So today I ate healthy...well actually I ate some cheesecake that is not very healthy. But I think even with that I was at like 1200 calories so that is good. And I exercised for about 52 min. And now I am going to bed because I am exhausted!

12 Week Plan

*Disclaimer: I am posting 2 blogs at once. The first covers the past week or so and turning 28 realizations. The second is about my future plans.

So I am always trying to think long term with my health plans. I tend to do a few weeks and then it tapers off like most people. 3 months, 12 weeks, 90 days; it seems so long but in a lifetime it really isn't. So almost a year ago I bought this book called "Fitbook." It helps you do a 12 week plan where you make plan for the entire 12 weeks and then it breaks it down week by week. Then for each day you track your food and exercise. I never really used it. I wanted to at one point but didn't think I was committed enough. But now I think is the time.

To assist and encourage myself I made some encouragements. The first thing I made (I actually made it a couple weeks ago.) is a goal chart. I saw it on a blog I follow called 'Skinny Me' by weightwatcher76.blogspot.com. It is to help me track how far I have come. I made it long enough to cover a 20% weight loss which is a pretty good goal.

The other chart I made covers all 12 weeks and gives me room to not only set my goals but to also chart what I actually completed. I think I have some star stickers I may need to bring out to use on my board.

I have a lot of video's I can do and many times that in itself throws me off since I don't know which I should do. So I decided for each month I will work with 3 specific dvd's. That way I can learn the routine and build to higher difficulty levels on each video. So I made this small chart and put it above my tv to remind me what I should be doing for that given day of the week.

As you see for this month I am doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred on Monday's, Biggest Loser Yoga on Wednesday's, and Biggest Loser Bootcamp on Friday's. I mix it up with straight cardio on alternate days. It is a pretty tough schedule but I do have Saturday's off. Then on Sunday's I scheduled to specifically do the wii fit plus workout, I really enjoy doing that and it definitely mixes up I am doing and brings out my competitive nature trying to beat my previous score on different games.

I keep mentioning that I want to watch my calories to make sure I am staying reasonable. I have the fit book which I can put down the foods I eat through out the day but there isn't room for calorie count. Several of the blogs I read have mentioned SparkPeople.com before. It allows you to track your food, exercise, set goals, and communicate with others also trying to loose or maintain weight. I had always assumed it cost so today I logged on curious what the monthly rate was and it turns out it is free. So I think, at least for this week. I want to track my food on their so I can see exactly how many calories I am eating. It will also tell me all the other important stuff; sugar, fat, carbs, protein, etc that I am getting daily.

So just to keep you updated. Today I ate horrible, Mcdonalds for lunch and Taco Bell for dinner then cheesecake for dessert. But I did start my exercise plan and did 1 hr of wii fit (309 calories.) Earlier today I was bored while babysitting so I also did a 15 min cardio dance video I found on netflix instant. It was alright but some of the moves were confusing. I know it got my heart pumping though so that is good. So 75 min of exercise today.

Week 7 - 2 lb loss

*Disclaimer: I am posting 2 blogs at once. The first covers the past week or so and turning 28 realizations. The second is about my future plans.

So I was for 3 weeks and then this last week was my birthday week so I didn't really want to spend time worrying about food or exercise all week. So the fact that I lost 2 lb's is crazy.

I had the first half of my root canal done on tuesday. There was some pain when he was cleaning out the tooth near the root. But not a big deal compared to the pain when it was hurting a couple weeks ago. And honestly I haven't had any pain since (though I do knock on wood every time I say that.) On wednesday I go back in and get the temp filling out and a crown put on. So that should be fun. Right now I am taking antibiotics every 6 hrs, which is totally fun. NOT!

My birthday was good. I am the big 28 now. Nothing exciting happened but it was good. My family was awesome and my friends are great. So good birthday over all!! But of course with a birthday comes reflection on my life. I normally reflect more on my life on my birthday than on a new year.

First of all, go me! One year ago I weighed 214 lbs and this year I weigh 156 lbs. That is a weight loss of 58 lbs in one year! That is totally awesome! I have always gained weight. I have never yo-yo'd like people always talk about. I instead, every few years increase a size or two. So this is like, "wow, I can actually do this!" I know I am using a lot of explanation points but I am allowed to be excited.

I have filmed most of my application for the Biggest Loser. Actually I finished that on like Tuesday night. I have two more parts to tape and I keep putting it off. One is really embarrassing and so I think that is why I haven't done it yet. There is also part of me that wonders if it is really something I need. I can see that I am capable of loosing weight on my own. But I think it would be cool and if I won the $250,000 or even the $100,000 at home prize. Plus I am sure that I don't actually know everything about nutrition and exercise, even if I think I do. So learning from professionals would be a great experience. So I will let you know how that goes.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Week 6 - 1lb loss

So I lost the pound I gained last I guess. This week I ate well, kind of. I cheated plenty. And I didn't exercise at all. Though I have been sick all week so bleh. My pink eye isn't bad right now since I have been using the drops I got every 4 hrs. I am really anxious to put my contacts back in but don't want them to get infected and then re-infect myself so I will wait. Tomorrow will be day 5 so on Monday I can wear them again. I find my glasses annoying and then every one always asks why I am wearing them and I hate lying so then I mention pink eye and the freak out. Anyways almost done. Oh and my cold is like done too. I haven't been on cold medicine all day and I only blew my nose like 4 times so yea to that.


I love birthday's! I always have (well as an adult.) I usually plan my own thing and have fun but this year its just not right. I work that day and my boss will be out so I will be a little busier than normal. And then this week I am having my root canal done. Which I don't even know if I have the money for it. I really need to sit down and figure it out but I am kind of scared too. But then I don't have any money. And all I can think about is how I am spending enough money to go to Seattle for a week to fix my tooth. It is so frustrating!! I mean I know it is all my fault. I don't brush my teeth like I know I should, I never have. I don't know why, its stupid and expensive. So its just not special. My family wants to do stuff for me but its not like they have money. Monday night I will go out to eat with my dad before he leaves town again. And my sister wants to do something and keeps asking me what but I don't know what to say. I don't know why I feel so down right now, so bleh. I mean I guess I do its all right here.

So I think I need to plan something special. Maybe Starbucks before work on Friday. Oh, and I love pizza and keep not eating it so maybe I will pick up a frozen one this week to eat friday night. I babysit all day Sat and Sun but maybe I will go watch a movie sat night. I haven't watched a movie in awhile. I have always known that as an adult you make your own birthday special. And I think maybe that is the problem I have been sick for 3 weeks that I haven't stopped to plan something even if it is just a couple special things, I am old enough to know that money doesn't always make things special.

I will update you next weekend, let you know how it all goes. I do know I need to get back into the exercise routine. This last week I got back to eating what I should so now I need to add the exercise to the mix. I am kind of excited to see my weight drop a couple pounds again. Oh and today I recorded some of my Biggest Loser video. I wanted to record some with my nephews so I was able to get that shot. I think the rest is just me doing and intro and then maybe shots of me exercising. I need to find some old pictures too. I hate seeing myself on video, it is so weird. I like watch what was taped analyzing myself, I will be happy when I am done with this. I think I want to have it all taped so I can edit it on Tue night.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Pink Eye

That's right I now have pink eye. It actually started on Wed but something had also gotten in my eye to irritate it so I didn't think it was actual pink eye. Anyways, I woke up today and my other eye was shut, it had spread. I quick called in sick and ran out to a dr. Alright not a dr, don't have ins went to one of the new Walgreens Clinic's. It cost $65 to get a prescription for the antibacterial eye drops I needed. They say i shouldn't be contagious 24 hrs after I start so I should be able to go to work tomorrow. I still have this stupid cold and I have been taking Advil cold and sinus so long my body is building and immunity to it. I slept several hours today and plan to go back to bed again soon. I am trying to make sure I hit all of my "every 4 hr" for my drops because although I could really use the pay I don't want to get anyone else sick tomorrow. I actually didn't know that pink eye could start by my cold spreading to my eyes. That is interesting to know. I am tired of being sick and just want my nose to stop running. The nurse practitioner at the walgreens had prescribed some nasal decongestant but when I went to buy it with no ins it was $117, there was no way I was buying that. That is crazy! She also told me to try benadryl to dry up my nose, I was like this isn't allergies and she said it would work anyways, it totally didn't . So I am glad I picked up more of the advil at the same time.

I have been eating fairly good everyday. But I am still not sure about exercising while I am sick. I have read that as long as you don't have a fever you can do cardio just not weight training. But I have been sick since last saturday and I don't want to do anything that might drag this out any longer than it already has. It is so frustrating!!! And now my eye's are like itchy, not really bad so I can withstand touching them but it is a little annoying. I still just hope that I didn't spread pink eye all over the school on wed when I didn't realize I had it. I wash my hands a lot due to my cold so maybe that will help. I know kids get sick, these things go around. But I always feel so guilty, I hate feeling so guilty all the time. :(

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Nothing new

Monday 3/1/10

I ate well on monday, though not for lack of trying. Breakfast and lunch were great but then for dinner I decided I wanted Arby's. In fact I pulled into the plaza and up to the drive threw before I realize it was no longer an Arby's it was a mexican food place now. I can't even tell you when that happened. Nobody was behind me so I just backed out and went home. It was kind of weird. So I had a good dinner of chicken and rice. I did not exercise as I was still feeling sick and was worried I would make it worse.

Tuesday 3/2/10

On monday I had called and made a dental apt for the root canal. It was scheduled for Tuesday at 9am. I set the alarm, woke up on time but I felt awful. Now I hate mornings and had trouble sleeping last night because I couldn't breath. But that is the thing I couldn't breath out of one nostril and I could only breath out of that one after the meds kicked in. Plus I had a bad sore throat since I was probably snoring all night do to said lack of breathing. Anyways I called in and they said I could move the apt so I moved it to next tuesday since I don't know how long this cold will decide to linger on.

Today I was eating great. I don't think I have ever mentioned what I eat regularly now so I think I will. Yes I know it will sound weird and you probably don't know what some of it is but just ask or google it. For breakfast I have 8oz of Kefir (a liquid yogurt with other healthy stuff in it) and I mix that with 2oz of POM. Delicious. That isn't quite enough calories so I either grab a whole wheat mini bagel or light cheese stick, today it was the cheese stick. I was running late this morning so I had to make lunch quick so I grabbed a scoop of slim fast powder chocolate and about 10 oz of organic vanilla silk milk, quick easy and good. Again not enough calories so I also pack a 100 cal yogurt (fry's brand is actually pretty all natural) and then i toss in a diet soda for my afternoon caffeine kick. When I got home from work I made myself a chicken wrap which is pretty simple. Pre-cooked chicken strips, fresh spinach leaves, 2 tbsp light ranch, and whole wheat tortilla. It is actually pretty filling. The problem then became my brain. It was sure I hadn't had enough dinner. It tried to convince me that I needed, I deserved something great for dessert. So instead of exercising like I should have I went out to Fry's and bought donuts. And of course because it was so late I couldn't buy them individually I had to buy a box. I totally ate 6 donuts since 7:30pm, which to my defense has been 5 1/2 hours though no one should ever really eat 6 donuts in one day so rationalizing that it was over 5 hrs, not really helpful. On that subject I do want to mention that at no time during the day was I ever hunger or while 6 donuts did I feel full and definitely not stuffed. I don't know if I am just off due to being sick or what but I thought that was worth noting. What would I have had for dessert had I not had donuts. Well probably nothing if I didn't exercise but if I did either a bowl of organic granola with silk or greek yogurt with granola mixed in. Both totally delicious. But for now I need to go to bed. It is 1am and I am still sick so i need my sleep.