About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Happy! ...but with a price.

Right now I am happy. At least once every day it dawns on me how happy I am feeling. If you read my blog often you realize how weird this is. You may be thinking, well you are just at your high right now. But I am not! In fact my life is very complicated right now. There are like a dozen things going on in my life and each one is complicated. And yet here I am feeling content and happy.

So I am sure you are wondering what all is going on? Well, like I said its all complicated and several things are all intertwined and mixed together but here is the short version.
1. My sister is moving to Illinois in 5 months
2. I am feeling frustrated and distant from my nephews at a time I should be creating lasting memories before they move away
3. I have a morning nanny job that helps pay the bills but also means I have to get up at 5am every day.
4. I changed church's but still attend my old one on Wed due to prior commitment (awkward)
5. My renter (brother) is moving out of my house and I am now starting the foreclosure process.
6. Have to change banks (due to foreclosure) I have 8 auto payments to move
7. My car, which I use for nanning, is getting worse.

Ok, only 7 things but still. Lots of change, lots of negative change and yet happy. I know some would just ignore it. Be happy they are happy but I can't. One idea is that although I am going through a lot I am staying close to God and following His plans for me which helps me handle it. Idea number 2...well lets just say I am eating my way to happyiness. I have been eating way to much way too often. If I feel like eating or crave something I eat it. I of course have been gaining weight to go with this and my pants are feeling pretty tight these days. Intellectually I know i need to stop. I even know what I need to do to get myself back to where I was. But I know that it takes so much energy to buy healthy, eat healthy, and exercise. I already have so much on my plate I feel like if I added the food stuff then it might be too much. I am just so happy right now I worry I might tip my boat, add the last straw, whatever analogy you want to make.

I feel stuck with it. I keep thinking I will just wait till a few things are off my plate and then i can add healthy. But as one thing comes off my plate 2 more are added, or at least it feels like it. I feel so busy all the time and I am not sleeping enough. I need to make some changes, I need to get more organized, I need to take better control of my life. All while trying not to stop following what God wants for me.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New Year

Me: So dad its almost 2011 do you have any resolutions?
Dad: (Silence for several moments then) No
Me: Oh well I have a couple movies as a kid I didn't like so I want to watch those this year. And I really want to re-try clam chowder.
Dad: Isn't that a To Do list?
Me: Isn't that what resolutions are? A list of things to do over the next year.
Dad: I guess

This conversation really made me stop and think. What does resolution mean? Where did this resolution thing start? And so I looked it up.

Merriam-Websters Dictionary lists this as the definition to Resolution:

1: the act or process of resolving:
2: the subsidence of a pathological state (as inflammation)
3 a : something that is resolved
b : firmness of resolve
4: a formal expression of opinion, will, or intent voted by an official body or assembled group
5: the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out
6: the process or capability of making distinguishable the individual parts of an object, closely adjacent optical images, or sources of light

So only one of the six, #3, really has anything to do with the New Year. And that deffinition just points us to the word resolve so I looked that up. The word Resolve has eight means but I will only list numbers 4 and 5 for you.

4 a: to deal with successfully : clear up (resolve doubts) (resolve a dispute)
b : to find an answer to
c : to make clear or understandable
d : to find a mathematical solution of
e : to split up (as a vector) into two or more components especially in assigned directions
5 : to reach a firm decision about (resolve to get more sleep) (resolve disputed points in a text)

That made a little more sense; I need to make a firm decision about something and make sure it is clear. This makes me think it is more than just a to do list for the next year it is more of life changes I am making a firm decision to change.

Next I looked up some history on resolutions for the new year. Multiple sources advised me that it was originally started back 4000 years ago with the Babylonians. Though for them they would return items that they had borrowed the previous year. For a time in history some cultures used the new year for traditions for luck. Greece in 600 BC paraded around a baby in a basket to represent the birth of a God and good fertility. Others have taken the baby image for sign of rebirth with the new year. Others eat only round foods on New Years day, base their luck on their first visitor New Years day, and even today people eat legumes and pork for luck.

The closest thing I found to our current tradition was created by the Romans. They worshiped a god named Janus, she was the god of beginnings and endings. So the Romans would at the new year make promises of good conduct to Janus.

So after reading both of those I realize my father was right I was trying to make a to do list not a resolution list. I really have no interest in making a list of resolutions and when I stopped to look at last years resolutions I realized why. I didn't accomplish anything.

Last year I had three resolutions: Finances, Weight, and God

Finances - Although I do not eat out in restaurants like I had I still spend too much money on things I do not need. I have no money in savings and may have to foreclose on my house.
Weight - Last year was rough. I did loose 15 lbs and my BMI went down 2%. However trying HHGC has really messed with me mentally and I am currently eating way to much food and having trouble stopping myself.
God - I did not stick with devotions or daily prayers. I am praying more than I did the previous year but I don't think that is because of my resolution. I have been attending Living Streams on Saturdays for a year now which satisfied the bible study I was looking for.

There are positives and negatives but I don't know that the resolutions I made on the first really affected all of the positive changes I made. Plus knowing that all three would still again be my resolutions this year makes me feel unsuccessful. So instead I want to do a 2011 to do list. I think I will have to add things for now the below is what I want to do this year.

2011 TO DO List

1. Eat a great bowl of Clam Chowder
2. Try movies I hated as a kid:
a. Labrinth - I hate watching kids hurt and I felt the girl was kind of being torchered.
b. The NeverEnding Story - I hated the scary wolves
c. The Princess Bride - Watched it too many times to and from camp as a teen
3. Read 20 classic books (currently Emma, Wonderful Wizard of Oz next)
4. Do NaNoWriMo again this year
5. Go to a batting cage
6. Save $150 a month toward buying a new car. (Mine is on its last leg)