Right now I am happy. At least once every day it dawns on me how happy I am feeling. If you read my blog often you realize how weird this is. You may be thinking, well you are just at your high right now. But I am not! In fact my life is very complicated right now. There are like a dozen things going on in my life and each one is complicated. And yet here I am feeling content and happy.
So I am sure you are wondering what all is going on? Well, like I said its all complicated and several things are all intertwined and mixed together but here is the short version.
1. My sister is moving to Illinois in 5 months
2. I am feeling frustrated and distant from my nephews at a time I should be creating lasting memories before they move away
3. I have a morning nanny job that helps pay the bills but also means I have to get up at 5am every day.
4. I changed church's but still attend my old one on Wed due to prior commitment (awkward)
5. My renter (brother) is moving out of my house and I am now starting the foreclosure process.
6. Have to change banks (due to foreclosure) I have 8 auto payments to move
7. My car, which I use for nanning, is getting worse.
Ok, only 7 things but still. Lots of change, lots of negative change and yet happy. I know some would just ignore it. Be happy they are happy but I can't. One idea is that although I am going through a lot I am staying close to God and following His plans for me which helps me handle it. Idea number 2...well lets just say I am eating my way to happyiness. I have been eating way to much way too often. If I feel like eating or crave something I eat it. I of course have been gaining weight to go with this and my pants are feeling pretty tight these days. Intellectually I know i need to stop. I even know what I need to do to get myself back to where I was. But I know that it takes so much energy to buy healthy, eat healthy, and exercise. I already have so much on my plate I feel like if I added the food stuff then it might be too much. I am just so happy right now I worry I might tip my boat, add the last straw, whatever analogy you want to make.
I feel stuck with it. I keep thinking I will just wait till a few things are off my plate and then i can add healthy. But as one thing comes off my plate 2 more are added, or at least it feels like it. I feel so busy all the time and I am not sleeping enough. I need to make some changes, I need to get more organized, I need to take better control of my life. All while trying not to stop following what God wants for me.