About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 34 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.


Friday, March 30, 2012

Ow, my abs

I woke up late this morning which meant I was running out the door to work. Friday is my long day and so when I got home I was exhausted and just wanted to curl up on the couch and sleep. But like a good girl I got up, changed clothes and stuck in a new Firm Direct video. Today is day two of my four day kick-start. I started with Accelerate cardio+sculpt video. This video had lots of jumping like yesterday's but I tried to make it through to the end doing my best. It was deffinitly tough and pushed me hard. I was exhausted but per the calendar I had one more video to do the Overdrive cardio. I was still tired and thought that maybe if I pre-watched the video maybe I would be able to do it, so I watched it. Then i turned it on and tried it. I only got about 5 min in and turned it off frustrated by what all I could not do. Determined not to quit completely. I do have a goal to reach that is nearly impossible, about 35 lbs in two months. So I walked over to my DVD library and grabbed Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred. I stuck it in and as it gave me commercials for Biggest Loser dvd's I remembered that the Biggest Loser always makes people do jumping jacks. That both Jillian and Bob say that jumping jacks, in effect jumping, is fine for overweight. Not that that makes it comfortable to jump but that maybe I should give it a better attempt. Though it also reminds me that I have never really liked jumping so I don't know. Now I am not sure if I will return the video's or not. We will see. I did do the 30 day shred which was hard but I pushed through. My legs are are all rubbery right now. Now the trick is to not eat more than I just burned off. :)

***

But hey on a different note I am now on spring break. Not from school but from work. I don't have much planned for the next week. Well except school work and sorting my stuff. Will let you know how it goes.

Early Start

I was fiddling around on the internet and ended up reading more reviews about The Firm Express system that I am planning to start next week. I found some interesting things that I will mention later. One was people discussing a 4 day Kick-Start Workout calendar. I remembered seeing it but couldn't remember the details so I pulled it out of my book. It is simply doing two or three workouts in a day instead of the normal plan of one every other day. Well sure if I exercise sixty to ninety minutes a day four days in a row that better kick-start my weight loss. I said this sarcastically to myself last night. Then this morning I got up and started it.

The first video, of three today, is from cycle one by Emily Welsh her cardio video. Let me tell you that this is one of the worst work out video's I have tried. And I have seen my share. Not that it doesn't make you sweat, I was definitely sweating and my heart rate was up. The problem was with Emily. Last night when I was reading blog reviews everyone agreed that Emily does not describe anything and does really tell you before she moves on. This was completely true. I only half kept up because I have done other Firm video's and know what they call some of the moves. She does not cover form and in fact at the very end of the fourth 8 second burst of this high kick type move does she say "make sure you plant those heels." Let me say my heels were not touching the ground and I didn't back up the video to find out but I don't think any of the three girls heels were touching the ground. But even if her's were, there is nothing I can do with a comment being said as we finished the exercise. It should have been at the beginning. The other problem, huge problem in my opinion, is her back up girls. Emily states that the girl on the right is supposed to do low impact, that modified version that all video's have. The girl never does it! She just goes right along with Emily so there are points where you are supposed to be doing little hop's, I am sorry I do not hop. It is not comfortable, it is not going to happen. And I am sure other fat girls like me agree and so I look to the girl on the right, nope. No help. In fact at one point, about half way through Emily reminds us that for easier moves we should be following girl on right, camera goes to her and she tries to quickly change to the low impact but as soon as it is wide angle again she switches back! I am sorry but if she can't handle her job then FIRE HER!!! So I started just making my own modifications because I am not going to quit. I thought dealing with the shipping was bad but not keeping the same quality of video is disappointing.

Next up was the Kick Start Video (green) I started with Pump it up! The first 8 second burst is a power lunge which is jumping between right and left leg lunges. I can't do that. The next burst is in plank position jumping your legs side to side. Who do they think is doing their video? The last burst is ski side to side. This one I could modify by making it slower at least. That was only ten min so now I am on to Shortcut to Flat Abs. The first five minutes aren't bad but then there are moves that I couldn't convince my body to do. While in a reverse table position with a five pound weight on your lower abdomen I would like you to alternate lifting each leg straight into the air. I understand that some people can do these things. The problem is they are not showing any modifications and I can't think of any for them. I can say that the trainer Jennifer Ray is much better at describing exercises and telling you before you have to already be doing them. After this second video I again wonder if this is really only for people you are already strong and have been working out for awhile?

I have one more video that I will do tonight. I will see how that goes.


*I did not exercise this evening. I worked late (stayed and watched the 2nd graders play.) Then went to Denny's to get some homework done. Denny's was a bad idea, I barely got any homework done and I ate 2000 calories. My calories for breakfast and lunch were just fine why did I have to go all crazy for dinner? Grrr... No more Denny's. Ok well at least next time I will log it before I order so I know what I am getting into.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Little of this, little of that

It is late, I am tired, and I have no voice. Well It comes and goes depending on much I have talked recently. I have talked too much at my writing group and now I am even coughing to go with the lack of voice. It is hotter inside my house then it is out but without screens for the doors I am not "allowed" to open the door or windows. So I sit and sweat till my body adjusts. It is eleven pm and yet I have just stuck in Hugo, a two hour movie to watch. I noticed today that the mess of my house has spread to my work area, which is really just embarrassing. I feel like I am playing that wii fit game where you are balancing on a ball while juggling balls and they just keep throwing you more and more balls. And even if you drop them they just start throwing them at you again.

I volunteer at my church and I said yes to a slightly bigger job but it has become much more complicated then it needs to be. But I persevere and make it through the craziness because the job still needs to be done and I still feel like it is what I should do.

I go to the grocery store and in an attempt to add more fruit and vegetables to my daily life I buy 7 apples, 5 bananas, and 5 cucumbers. I have also managed to leave the store with no treats. This is actually not very odd for me. My subconscious knows that I do not need these treats and so as I walk up and down aisles I may pass cookies, candies, and ice cream but I do not place them in my cart. I am always amazed when this happens though it should just confirm what I know to be true that truely, deep down i do want to eat healthy. It is nearly my emotions and weakness in the moment that gets the best of me. Though I guess I should say the worst in me.

It is Wednesday. I have not exercised yet this week, though I think about doing so right now. And will I be good and eat all of the apples, bananas, and cucumbers I just bought? Only time will tell.

I received good new that I can get financial aid for my summer semester. As long as I jump through a few hoops for them, not all of which make sense but whatever makes them happy. This means that the money I had saved for summer school means I can go see my sister for the first week of July. I am very excited about this as three days at the beginning of June will not be enough time. With the hoops I must jump through it does mean that I will have at least two weeks after the Spring session and before the Summer session. Which is good since I really want a break. School kind of sucks. Though it is a little better when you are learning things you actually enjoy.

I will not list plans for Thursday and Friday as they are both up in the air. What I hope for and what is to be I know may not be the same. Though I suppose my number one goal is to get my voice back. That would be handy.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Disconnected

Recently I was reading a blog that asked the questions "Are you disconnected from the number on the scale." I wasn't really sure at first until I started reading some of the comments that were left. Many people said they weighed every day. I won't weigh myself more than once a week since numbers fluctuate. One person said they used to pack a scale when they traveled so they wouldn't miss a weigh in. I couldn't picture that. I once stayed for three weeks with my sister and weighed myself about half way through to confirm what my loose pants were telling me, that I was loosing weight. But I would never pack a scale to take along with me.

I know that at times in my past I have been obsessive over my weight. For years I have weighed myself daily so I do understand what this person's mentality is. So after reading the comments I knew that I am disconnected from the scale. I focus on how my clothes fit and how I am feeling day in and day out. Actually when I stopped to really think about it my personal scale in my room has been out of battery's for  over a year maybe more. Every once and awhile I go turn on my brother's wii fit and weigh myself. It keeps a record which I like to look over and see where I am at. But I wonder can I be too disconnected from the scale? I have maintained a weight around 270 for two years now and I don't want to start gaining again. I decided it was time. Time to buy a new scale.

I went online and did research looking at consumer reports and review after review. I decided on an Eat Smart Precision Digital Bathroom Scale. Although I could not find it being sold in a local store it had amazing reviews on Amazon. In fact a few of the people who didn't like how it turned on then reported that Eat Smart sent them their updated model that doesn't have that issue and now the customer was happy. It was $30 and I got free shipping (I didn't care how long it took to get to me.) And it arrived today.

I took it out, put in four AAA and stepped on. I was nervous as I am currently feeling a little snug in my fat pants plus I haven't weighed myself in forever. But it wasn't too bad at 277.2. Plus now I can take cool pictures like this to post on here.

Today I did wake up and my cold was back. Sore throat, runny nose, and my head was kind of foggy. It was kind of my fault since I should have gone to bed early last night. However I think Hunger Games was worth it. No exercise today because I want to get right to bed to fight this cold. But tomorrow I will. Especially since I know that since all of my symptoms are above the neck the experts say exercise if fine. One more week till I start my new Firm Express video's. But for now I am off to bed.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Sleep Deprived Good Day

After 3.5 hours of sleep I got up, drove across town and walked the dogs. I went to church for my normal 4.5 hours and then went to check on the dogs again. Had my writing group which only my regular writing friends showed up for so I am seriously stopping my monthly attempt at including people. We met at Wildflower Bread Co. I was again disappointed by their food. The options are all mostly foreign to me. When I find something I do recognize I then read the details and the description has something I don't like or don't know. Then as you stand reading the menu they keep asking, "are you ready?" "Let me know when you are ready?" "I can help who is next?" Every time I would stop and look around and I was the only one their so i would so no not yet and then they would keep asking. Grrr. I am not going back.

After writing group I checked on the dogs one last time and then I was off to go see Hunger Games. Four friends and I were watching it at the Cinema Movie Grill where they serve food. I had gone once before for the Muppets. It is an interesting idea but I don't really like eating in the dark and then the food just sits their till the movie is over. Plus they have to interrupt you to give you the check, pick up the check, and then give you the receipt. It is all very distracting, at least to me, when you are trying to watch the end of the movie. Enough about that. Hunger Games was great. I really think it is much better if you have read the books so if you haven't take a day and read book one. They flash things on the screen that they never really tell you about later. Their sole purpose is to remind you about something that happened in the book. I can tell I cried at least three times and jumped at least once maybe twice, and I knew what was going to happen. The movie is scary at times so I do not recommend young children to watch it. If you want details let me know and I can e-mail you directly (don't want any spoilers here.) I don't buy many movies but I think this may make it into my collection when it is out on dvd.

And now it is time for sleeping. As I was driving home my throat started to hurt again which makes total sense seeing that I have only slept 3.5 hours in the last 48 hours. Oh and as a side note. I did not exercise and I ate horrible today. I feel like I should add some pep talk right her about tomorrow being a new day and new week but right now I feel too tired to care.

Till tomorrow.

Long day, still going

It is 12:42 and my day is not yet done. I am currently babysitting and the parents will get home eventually. Afterwards off to let the dogs out that I am sitting. I sit here and worry as the last time I let them out it was four pm and it is now nearly one am. That is only eight hours I remind myself. They go ten hours from six am to four pm I remind myself. Then I remind myself that I told her that I was babysitting and that it may be ten hours before I let them out and she said ok. But I still worry.

I have not tracked my food today. I should have as I ate normal, well kind of. I had cereal for breakfast and goldfish for snack. I had a bacon angus burger and large fries from McDonald's because I needed their wifi to do homework. For dinner? Well it is hard to say. More goldfish, a mini ice cream cone, more goldfish. I don't know how to track that.

Oh, did I mention. I feel much better today. I figured it out that in 26 hours time I slept 20 hours. I would have slept more if it wasn't for taking care of dogs. My throat hurt a little this morning but not this evening. I have a slight runny nose but nothing bed. I am so happy I called out sick from work yesterday. I am even happy I slept at my friends house with her dogs and cat in the bed with me instead of driving home and back again. I have no plans to do that tonight. I want my own bed. I want a shower. Oh and I totally need to print out my pages for my writing group tomorrow afternoon which has to be done at home.

Today was my exercise day but I did exercise. I mean I did a little bit of stuff, running around with the dogs and the kids and going up and down stairs in the apartment. Which did I mention that. I don't think I would live in a place like she has. The idea is nice but I have had a house with stairs and don't much like them. She lives in an apartment where the only thing on the ground floor is her door and her garage. The second floor is her kitchen, dining area, and living room. Then the third floor has her bed and bathroom. So I am constantly going up and down the first flight of stairs and twice a day the second flight as she feeds one of her dogs in her bedroom so they are separated while eating. So a little bit of exercise but nothing fancy. And no offense if you have an apartment or townhouse like that. I am just saying it is not for me. I did like that she has a washer and dryer on the third floor. I hated carting laundry up and down the stairs to go to a laundry room and my condo. I was ecstatic when my dad installed a washer and dryer upstairs even if it took up half of my walk in closet.

Till I type to you again! Ta Ta!

Tomorrow I may try to fit in some exercise. Not sure exactly when. And my dad is in town which means that since I live in his house he will be around. Normally he lives up north in Pine and I don't see him often so I am sure to spend some time chit chatting with him tomorrow. If I ever make it home. Did I mention I have to watch the dogs a little later then I thought. She won't get home till 10pm so I have to go at 4:30. Not a big deal but another drive across town I wasn't expecting.


Saturday, March 24, 2012

Pass what on?

I was tagged by a friend to do Lucky 7 Me which involves posting 7 lines from a work in progress novel. I figure why not. I am not tagging anyone else but if you want to do then feel free and just say I tagged you. ;)


The Lucky 7 Me: Rules

Go to page 77 of your current MS/WIP
Go to line 7
Copy down the next 7 lines--sentences or paragraphs--and post them as they're written. No cheating
Tag 7 authors [I am skipping this]
Let them know

In my writing group I am currently editing my 2010 NaNo novel. The following 7 lines are from my 2011 NaNo novel that needs lots and lots of work. It is a little more then they asked but I figured I should finish the section. (Oh and Tracy I haven't changed the name in this book yet. Sorry.)


“I was planning on doing that with the $1000. So I will e-mail Jessica that and what we will put on the note for the favors. I think I will put them together myself. I can’t wait to get all the M&M’s in, that should be fun.”
“You mean delicious?” Jared asked.
“Yes, very delicious! Remind me not to let you help me put them together.” I said jokingly.
“You are not putting 250 together on your own. Isn’t that like a pre-wedding bonding experience?” Jared asked.
“Well it should be with my bridesmaids but seeing that she is not here I guess I will have to deal with you helping.” I said rolling my eyes, joking with him.  
We arrived at the restraunt and got out. “So try not to be too jealous of Anderson. He may be cute and richer then you but I think I will stick with you.” I joked with him as we got out of the car.
“Yes but I would be richer if it wasn’t for shopping sprees. See he has it right not having a million dollar wedding.” Jared said.
“It is not a million dollars and you aren’t paying for it so it doesn’t count.” I stuck my tongue out at him. 


Unexpected Changes

I woke up at 5:30 this morning and the light sore throat I had was much worse. Knowing dogs were waiting on me to let them out I got up got dressed and got ready to not be home all day. I made it to the apartment the dogs are at and still did not feel well. I took them for a walk, went inside sat down and didn't want to move. Now I would never say I was a morning person but this felt worse. I eventually got up and drove to the Starbucks even though I just wanted to go home. I thought maybe a frappacino with lots of caffeine would wake me up. But the idea of drinking anything especially cold sounded painful. I drove home.

At home I slept for 2 1/2 hours and when I woke up felt just as bad. I hate calling out to work especially on busy Friday's but I saw no choice. I called out and went back to sleep for five hours.

I had eaten the donut from the night before early that morning and was feeling a little hungry again. Soup sounded good but I didn't have any so I had a can of beefaroni instead. I went to let the dogs out again. I stayed and read a book for a little while after I walked them so they would have company but mostly just sat in a chair not moving. I got home at 5:30 and slept through till 9:30 when I had to go let the dogs out again.

As I write this I am in the apartment watching the two dogs chase around the cat. Their owner says it play but when one dog comes back with a chunk of the cats fur in his mouth I don't believe it. I have to be back at 6am and I am thinking of just crashing in her bed instead of driving home said hours. But I am hungry and my stomach will probably win this battle.

This is how the next two days will go:
Sat:
6am walk dogs
9 - 2 babysit kids
2 - 4:30 let dogs out and do homework
5 - 1am babysit same kids from morning
1 am or when done let dogs out
Go home to sleep

Sun:
6am let dogs out (I may push this)
8 - 12:30 church
12:30 - 1 dogs (last time)
2 - 4 writing group
7 - 9 hunger games with writing group friends
Then go home and crash

Two problems with this:
1. I have two homework assignments due sat night don't know how I will finish them.
2. Being sick during all of this just sucks. :(

Update: I did stay there. An extra hour of sleep and saving gas won over. Iso I slept 18 of the last 24 hours. Feeling a little better. Can't call out today though.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Donuts

Donuts and ice cream are my nemesis. I love ice cream, I think I would choose it over internet. But sometimes donuts just hit the spot. I was so proud of myself earlier. I had gotten a free rental at a Blockbuster rental kiosk and my closest one was in my local QT gas station. I went in and found a movie. As I was walking out I could see they still had donuts! At 6pm! See QT donuts are my favorite and after 3pm the donuts are forty-nine cents. But I took a breath, knowing I was already over my calories for the day, and walked out. I was so proud! Was being the operative word.

I went home and watched my movie (Real Steal, it was good. Lots of action, little bit romance, cute kid, kind of long but overall glad I picked it.) Then I had to go out because I am dog sitting for a friend this week. I went over to her place to let her two little dogs out and hung out for about an hour so that the dogs were spending time with someone. Then on my home I stopped by the QT across from her apartments to drop off the movie. I returned my movie and then again my head turned toward the donut area. They had just stocked. That means they fresh warm donuts, makes them even better. I bought three. As you saw in the picture only one made it home with me. Now I am way over my calories. :(

I recognize that I made a pour choice. I could bought one. I could have bought none but instead I went three. I need to try harder because really it wasn't much of a fight. I just decided I wanted them and then I got them. Which does concern me a little. People always say that there was some turning point that made them change but if I don't even try to stop myself from buying 3000 calories worth of food on a whim, am I really ready? I am going to have to chew on that for a little while.


On another note, it came. My Firm Express came by mail today. So I ordered on the Sun the 11th, received e-mail that it was shipped on Tuesday the 13th and received it on the 22nd, 9 days later. Clearly I am still upset about paying $15 for shipping. Though it is silly since i do not plan on starting those video's for another week, the first week of April. It will be my spring break week so I will have more time and maybe double up on video's the first week to kick start myself. Plus I will be going through my boxes that week so I should hopefully be able to make more space in my living room for moving around.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Poor Service

Today I was determined to good with my food. I even tracked my food through my Lose It app which I have not done in forever. Breakfast went well, lunch was great, no afternoon snacking, and dinner was high in calories but still within my calories. Then I came home from my writing group and ate not just a klondike bar but a stack of club crackers and garlic and herb cheese spread. This put me over calories. Technically my calories are set to loose two pounds a week so I am still under a maintain calorie goal. But still I went over.

I pulled out my LTT - my Lateral Thigh Trainer. It is a lot like a step machine but more side to side motions then just up and down. I was hoping to do twenty minutes but only made it through ten. I remember the first time I tried it when I bought it a few months back I could only do two minutes on it. So ten minutes isn't too bad. Adding in the exercise calories, or rather subtracting still left me over but not as far over. Stair stepping burns a lot of calories.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will again try to stay within my calorie goal. Tomorrow is also a firm workout video day so I will need to work that in. For the next four days I am dog sitting which involves me driving across town three times a day. Not a bad job but will eat up some of my time.

I did manage to read one of two chapters I need to read for my EED class. I need to continue with that tomorrow and turn in a minimum of one assignment before I sleep.

***

I want your opinion. I bought on March 11th the new Firm Express workout system. The DVD's are $90 but because I am a member (as part of a 30 day free trial) I only paid $80. Shipping and handling was $15. So I am paying $95 for these video's. Yes I know, expensive. I ordered on the eleventh and it is now the twenty-first. I was watching the Fed-Ex tracking and I thought it was supposed to arrive today but really it was Fed-Ex'ed to a phoenix USPS location and then will be mailed to me from there. I think it was Sunday night that I stopped at a Target store and I could have bought the same DVD set for $90, no shipping. ....ok i just realized that really I am only paying $5 more for the DVD's and I get to split my payment over three months and I have the 30 day money back guarantee. So really it is stupid for me being so upset. Ok, it is still frustrating because clearly the shipping is not work $15. Today I shipped a package to my sisters in IA; it was a larger and heavier box and it only cost $9 for 3 day delivery. I am curious how expensive 12 day or whenever you get around to it delivery costs. I didn't seem to have that option when i was buying postage. I can say that I do not plan on buying anymore products from them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Three out of four

Today was horrible with food. I had meant to be good. I had even packed a good lunch. Then, after running errands, I ate at Zoyo for lunch. Not healthy. :( Then after work I met up with a friend at Denny's. I did get two assignments done but ate lots of calories.

I got home and worked out. My schedule had me doing my cardio blast DVD. This is 55 minutes. I know that I am not ready to work out that long yet so I set a timer for 25 minutes. And I made it! All the way through the 25 min. I am so proud! Then I ate a Klondike bar. Ok not immediately. There was a shower and I packed gifts for my niece and nephews birthday's this month.

Then I had a Klondike bar. Not the best choice but the choice that happened. So tomorrow is a new day and with it new challenges. As you can see, it is currently one am, so clearly I am not going to bed early. I do want to make it church tomorrow morning but I don't know if that will happen. My Wednesdays are so busy I do not plan to exercise. Though if I wake up late for church then I will exercise in the morning. After work I have my writing group. I think during my two hour break at work I will work on my next homework assignment.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Overwhelmed

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you did nothing. You know you have a long list of things to do and instead of doing any part of that list you do nothing. Maybe your nothing is video games, time on facebook, movies or tv but whatever it is, it is not what you should be doing.

I have been noticing this for several days, probably a week now. I have work, school work, church, writing group, exercise, paying attention to what I eat, and going through old boxes of stuff. And if that wasn't enough I also have many books and movies I want to read and watch. It just feels like way to much. I don't have enough time in the day to do everything and so I do nothing. But this does not work. I can not keep watching time pass me by. I need to do something. To do this I need to try to stop doing everything. I need a plan. You know how i love my plans.

1. Do not touch boxes until spring break in two weeks.
2. Writing group understands I am in school and support me in that.
3. School work - these classes are about things I want to know. Don't quit now.
      - I plan to go to summer school. I need at least 1 week off from school to give myself a break.        
        Planning that now will help me toward my goal.
4. Healthy - Stick with previous plan. Exercise routine now and food will follow.
5. Take life one day at a time


Tuesday:
1. Thirty minutes of exercise
2. Finish @ least one homework assignment
3. Print pages for writing group even if they are not completely ready
4. Bed early to make it to church Wed morning

Monday, March 19, 2012

Choices and Updates

I decided against the ipad. I would think about cool or how it would be but then something in my gut just said 'no.' But I could figure it out and it a good deal and... 'no.' I have been trying to listen to that voice inside of me and there was no denying this. I will wait and keep saving and when I need something new figure it out from there. But right now I am ok.

Last week I only exercised once. I did an twenty-five min ab video. This is not enough. I also have not been tracking calories. I know that I am just being lazy, I wish that I wasn't. Last night I was in target and they had the new exercise video's that I had bought online a week ago. Not only could I have saved $15 on shipping but I ordered a week ago and I still do not have them! It is totally frustrating. I guess the one benefit is that if I don't see results I can return it within 30 days. Not that I was planning on using that.

Yesterday I heard back from priorfatgirl, the sit I am applying to post on. I made it to the second round. I typed up a post she will put on her site next week. Then it is up to the readers and who they vote on. So that is kind of exciting. Though it also makes me nervous because I worry that what if I am not successful at this new attempt to loose weight? But why plan for failure so I will just ignore that seed of doubt in my mind.

Last week my school work was light (teachers had spring break, I don't get one.) This week is back to normal with lots of assignments for my classes due. Plus I didn't get a chance to sort any boxes this weekend so I want to work on that through out this week. I know this makes for a busy week but that is life.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Exhausted

I am exhausted. Lets see how fast I can type this post so I can get to bed. The last two days have been a little crazy. Friday I went to work early because our preschool kids were having a dad's barbeque. I went in a little early at eleven and helped out. It was two hours of craziness. Then Friday's are half day's so no break extended day started right away. After work I went straight to a babysitting job which I was there till eleven. So twelve hours of work.

I was headed right to bed when my brother, Teel, stopped me. He told me that he bought the ipad 3 and needed to sell his ipad 2. We had discussed how my laptop is dyeing (I think it is six years old) and I will need something new soon. I really love mac but it is so expensive. I happen to have some cash saved and could buy the ipad but I would then need to buy a wireless keyboard and a camera adapter. They do not have usb so my two external hard drives would be useless. One I store all my photo's on. As well as the fact that I can't convince my printer to be wireless so that would be frustrating. Even if I figure all that out can an ipad really replace a laptop? This one isn't dead yet so I can still use it till it does die. But mac laptops, even 2 year old refurbished are $900 and I can get the ipad from Teel for $350 (plus $69 keyboard.) I know that as I typed this out it seems like I have decided but really I have not. Because the other option is to get a non-mac but those have to be replaced more often then a mac so is it worth it to get a cheaper pc? All I know is I have to have a computer for my school work. That is number one important. Number two and three are my novel writing and photo's.

So all that was on my brain while I tried to go to sleep. I had to leave the house at six this morning. I thought I was only going to work a couple hours but she ended up needing me till twelve-thirty so six hours. I went straight from there to Denny's where I hung out with a friend for four hours looking up ipad info and editing my novel while she worked on grading for her class. After that I went straight to church which was emotionally frustrating. Afterwards I was off to babysit again. It was a little weird because I was reliving another babysitter who had plans later that evening. So I showed up at 7:30 to put the kids to bed and then worked on my novel till 11:30 when they came home. Another four hours of babysitting.

That leaves me here at midnight, tired. I have church in the morning so only six hours of sleep tonight. After church I get to switch my iphone/itouch. My brother upgraded to the new 4S iphone so his wife got his 4 which means that instead of the original iphone that I have been using as an itouch I now get to use their old iphone 3Gs instead. Which is awesome because a new smartphone is not anywhere near the top of my need list so it is cool they are willing to pass me what they are done with. Though Teel reminded me today, one day i will have to purchase my own smartphone. I know, but not right now. So tomorrow I will switch all of my stuff over. Then I need to start going through boxes to see what else I can get rid of or combine before moving stuff into the current storage sheds we have. I also need to meet a friend because I will watch her dogs next week and then I have a belated birthday dinner with a different friend. So I may get some sleep eventually. All I have to say is I am really glad I got my homework done early this week. I do not know when i would have fit that in.

Well this post has taken to long. I guess I am just too wordy. Till next time, Ta Ta!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Flashback

Shortly after coming home from my writing group tonight I started a half hour show on hulu to unwind before bed. I hear outside a large engined truck which sounds like it is idling in front of my house. Although this is normal during early morning and day light hours not at 10:30 pm. So I go look out the window. There is a fire truck outside my house. I watch as several fire men get out and go to a house across the street. I pray for them because it is all I can do. I do not know them by name only by site. They speak only spanish and I only english. But they are nice and I pray that God's hand would be on whatever is going on inside that house. As I stand, staring out the window, I realize that I can not pull myself away. And then, verbally, I say to no one at all, "The last time I saw a fire truck outside of my house my mother died." And it is true. There was a fire truck and many police cars and an ambulance, it was very busy outside my front door. I only remember seeing a moment of it as I passed by an open door on the way to my brothers room. I use this memory to hope that whatever is going on next door is not too bad; there are no police and still no ambulance. After I don't know how long, seemed like forever, an ambulance comes. I watch as they take the man of the house on the stretcher into the ambulance. He appears to be awake but is hooked up to machines and an iv. His wife gets in their van and is pulling out before the ambulance even moves. I hope that the medics slow speed means that he is ok. I never see firefighters and paramedics run around like they do in movies and on tv. Do they do that? If it was a real emergency would they at least walk fast? -- The ambulance, van, and fire truck all leave and I go back to my show. Both thinking about the man across the street and remembering the night my mother died. I had hoped to go to bed early, wake up early. But now my brain is going and I do not want to go alone to my bed with my thoughts on such sad things. I end up staying up, painting my nails, watching 2.5 hours on hulu, and eating a mini cake (500 Cal) that I had received for my birthday. Painful memories are hard to handle and I am still learning how to deal with them. So now it is one am and I am still not asleep. I bet I will wake up late again tomorrow. :( I am not liking the cycle that I am in. And I tried to get myself out but then something like this stops me. Grrr, life.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Pushing Through

Here I am at nearly 10 am sitting on the couch. I was happy that I woke up early so I could get my exercise in. Even though it to a billion alarms going off to wake me up. Then I remember that is Wednesday and I was supposed to go to church this morning. It has been so long since I went I now forget that I want to go. But it already too late to go so again I will miss another Wed morning.

I think about how I need to exercise next and look around my living room. It is a mess again! Didn't I just clean it? So before I exercise I need to clean so that I have space to move around to my video. I can't remember if I have mentioned that 1/3 of my living room is storage. Literally. I have boxes stacked to the ceiling and stuffed carefully balance and tetrised so that I can fit all my stuff into this corner of my living room. I had been planning on buying a storage room when my dad said he had one and planned to bring it down. Reason after reason pushed that back and now he no longer plans to bring it down. At first I thought no big deal, the stuff is not in my way. But the truth is my living room feels so crowded, I want more room. So again I will look into getting a storage shed for the back yard. The weird thing is that you don't realize how little of the space you have until you try to use it. I had done these video's before and it worked ok but since then I got a bigger tv and moved a chair into my living room so now as it wants me to move around and I can't anymore. At one point I want to just throw my couch away but of course I realize I would regret this quite quickly.

I live in a space that is small because it is rent free which allows me to work at the job I love. Also because my job is only part time which allows me to focus on school for the rest of my day. So small and cramped is a sacrifice that I live with. This week the sacrifice is just pressing on me a little harder. But I will work it out. I always do. There is always a solution if you look at a situation with a bit of a positive view. So here I go off to move things around and get my exercise on. Why because it is healthy and I really want healthy.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Birthday

It is 12:24 on March 13th which means my birthday is officially over. It has been a good day. I am thankful for my family and friends and all that they do. What did I do? Let's see.

Last night: Made from scratch coconut cake with brothers and their wives. Received a totally unexpected gift of hand crocheted fingerless gloves, in purple. I totally wanted some, thank you Mandy. Received a call from my dad wishing me happy birthday!

This morning: Breakfast with my brother at First Watch. I Love that place!

Work: Received a card, balloon, and mini cake from my boss/friend. The card was signed by all of my co-workers. The preschool classes I work in sang happy birthday and one gave me a card signed by the kids and they had decorated a crown for me to wear.

Lunch: Took myself to Chipotle. I love them. Then on the way back to work stopped and got suncatchers for the kids (and me) to paint in the extended day program.

Dinner: Did the drive thru at In-and-Out for dinner. On the way out of the parking lot got a call from my sister so I pulled over. (don't like to drive and chat.) We talked for an hour and a half; would have been longer if my phone hadn't died. Went home with my cold dinner but my brother saved me by offering to deep fry my fries to heat them up while I nuked my burger. Still made for a good dinner.

Evening: I had to watch the season finally of The Bachelor. It was 3 hours long! I missed the first half hour but I got the gist of what happened. While watching I finished painting the suncatchers I bought for myself that I didn't get to at work. After The Bachelor I popped in a movie I rented Sunday but didn't get to Monte Carlo. It is a teenage romance movie, I love those. I enjoyed another piece of my delicious birthday cake (though it was better fresh.) And now here I am off to bed.

I knew going in that to celebrate I would probably do it with food. I am feel a little weird about that. I mean how many calories did I eat just because it was my birthday? That isn't really healthy. Sure I have an excuse but I didn't need to eat out three times in one day. Though I guess other people celebrate by drinking lots and lots of alcohol so is that worse? Is it better? Who knows. Not that I will remember this in 364 days but I want to try and not base my whole birthday on food next year. There has to be something better. Hmmm...

Tomorrow I am going to start exercising again. I have put it off for two days but I finally weighed myself before I started blogging. My current weight is 278 which means I have gained 6 lbs in two and a half weeks. That is a lot of weight. I definitely have noticed in my pants. My fat pants are feeling tight. My goal still remains to be 240 lbs on May 31st when i fly out to see my sister. That is eleven weeks to loose 38 lbs. That comes out to just about 3.5 lbs a week. Will I make it? Maybe not but hey, why not try.

My first baby goal is to exercise every other day for two weeks. Then we will go from there. ...Ok I can't lie to you. I bought a new exercise video. Well really it is a new video by The Firm which I already have video's from. This is their newest set and is a little different so I won't have a 16" step to use while working out. I don't know that it will make it easier but it couldn't hurt. The video's are only 20 min long and then they have a four week cycle that you follow to mix up what you are doing. I have been looking at it for awhile and Sunday night, using the birthday excuse, I bought it. So for the next two weeks I am going to use the current firm video's I have and by then I would have my new dvd's and I will switch. I will then be able to do two four week cycle's before I leave.

I know what you are thinking. Ok, really I know what I am thinking. I am really great at making plans. I could make plans all day long. But the truth is pudding, where the rubber meets the road, or whatever other cliche you like best. I know that I suck at follow through but if I stop planning then I have no chance at success. Plus I really need to fit in my pants so that is pretty big motivation. I am not buying bigger pants!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Of a different nature

I don't normally do this but feel like I should this once. For the last two Novembers I have done NaNoWriMo, I have written 50K words in a month, a novel. The reason I got started in this because I was inspired by my brother. My older brother, Teel, has been writing books for years and introduced me to NaNoWriMo.

This year Teel wrote two books, a duology. They are young adult novels in a vampire world. Two books that each follow a different teenager through love, life, and other teenage dramas. I have read both books and really enjoyed them. I think they are his best work so far (and I really like some of his others.) He is trying to self publish this novels and has started a kickstarter to help fund this. I am adding a 90 second video that tells you about it. 


If you are not interested that is fine thank you for listening. But if you like what you see please either support him financially through kickstarter or help by forwarding this on to others you know that may be interested.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

20's Reflection

I am still 29 for seventy more minutes and I feel that this needs a blog post. As tomorrow has approached I have sometimes been excited and other times been reflective and cautious of the future. I can not help but think about the last ten years. Think about what I did, what I didn't do, and what I should have missed.

What I did:
On the top of my mind comes buying a house and foreclosing on it eight years later. In ten years I have worked four call centers (credit cards, infomercials, travel agency, and cell phone), I have worked for Cold Stone, delivered the AZ republic, and now work with kids. Those are all details that come to mind and yet I know that there are much more important ones. I have spent more Sunday's in church then away from church. I spent six years working with grade school kids in the Awana program at Hillside. I have helped behind the scenes in church nurseries, kitchens, and general set up and tear down. Not because I had to but because I wanted to. Although I fought with my sister during my early twenties that has changed. I now feel closer to her then any other person on the earth. I have spent countless hours with my nephews being a good Aunt; teaching them about God, life, and supported them through the many changes of their lives. I have remained close to both of my brothers even though I have had different fights with them i know they will always be there. This is something ten years ago I took advantage of but now know is a rarity in this world.
I have battled with depression and not let satan get me down. I have held tight to God even through the darkest of times. My walk with Christ over the last ten years has not be without it's faults but I have come through victorious and closer to God then I was back then. I know more about who I am and what I want in my life. I have allowed myself have a voice and to speak up when needed. I have done things that scared me; buying a home, quitting my last call center job, and even stepping up as a leader for NaNoWriMo. There are many more things that I have done but I can not list it all here. But this is to say I have done a lot.

What I didn't do:
As I turn thirty - in fifty-two minutes - I can not help but think of what I thought life would be like. I of course am not 150 lbs like I have been trying to get to for ten years. But I am not also not married and I do not have any children. I thought I would two or three kids by now. I thought if I wasn't a stay at home mom by now I  would have a career and be making lots of money. I never pictured myself with this much debt, but really who does.
But there are other things. I thought I would be a bigger traveler and would do mission trips to other countries. I am still surprised that photography is not any bigger in my life. Some days I question if it part of my life at all. I have always dreamed of running (Even if my big brother says it is horrible for my knees.)

What I should have missed:
When I think of this I think of some of the things I did, saw, experienced in my early twenties. I was rebellious and put myself in circumstances that I now wish I hadn't been in. So those are there. But I also think about the things that don't really matter. How many hundreds of hours have I spent watching tv shows? Does that show I watched 10, 8, 5 years ago even matter. For that fact do any of the shows I watch matter? No not really. I think about the time I spend worrying about things I can not change. I think about the friends that were never really friends to start with. In my last post I listed actual amount of times heart beat and how many breaths I have taken. I think about how much time I spent on things that could have been spent so much more wisely.

A few other things:
- I wish that I had not wasted so much time on school. That is to say taken eng 101, eng 102, and basic math each three times. I wish I had not dropped out of over a dozen classes because being lazy.
- When I was twenty it never crossed my mind that my mom would not be here when I turned thirty. In fact she wasn't even there when I turned twenty-one. Time is fleeting.
- I can not control a downturn in the economy but I should not have bought a house I could barely afford in hopes that I would make more money or that I would be married soon and a joint income would take care of it. This was not wise.

So what do my 30's hold? What is yet to come? I don't know. I have no idea forty will look like. I do know that if I stay on God's path. If I continue to stay close and follow Him that He will pour out blessing on me. And so I will and I do because when I did not follow God's path in the last ten years, that is when I made choices I now wish were different. So to another ten years, may they be better than the last!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Measurable

Everything we do is measurable. We each have 24 hours in a day and we choose how we spend them. We each choose what to put in our body and how many calories and the type of calories we consume. We  choose when to wake and when to go to sleep. We choose.

When I was a young child for my birthday's my grandparents always took me out. It was a big deal because as the birthday kid I went out with just grandma and grandpa and I got to choose what were we ate. My family never ate out, even McDonald's was a special trip. So birthday's were extra special. One year we went to a mall. This time it was with my dad and my brothers (I think, it has been a long time.) I remember that the mall had a carousel horse that I rode. Afterwards we to Target, I think, and I an end cap was birthday books. I chose the book that was for March 12th. I had to have it. Inside it tells you different celebrities that share your birthday as well as important things that happened on this date. The really interesting thing are some charts. Below I have added in what the chart says for my new age 30.

At your age:

You have blinked this many times: 144,968,777
You have breathed this many times: 180,595,958
You have eaten this many meals: 33,692
Your heart has beaten this many times: 1,363,113,000
It has pumped this many gallons of blood: 26,623,300
You have slept this many hours: 95,644
You have slept this many days: 3,985

Now of course as an adult I know all of these things vary. But just as I did as a kid I look at these numbers and think about the things that I have done mostly involuntarily. I do not choose to blink, breath, or pump my blood. These are things God has set in motion for us. I want to say they are things that we can not mess up but really they are. People smoke cigarettes and we pollute the air changing our breaths. We eat fatty foods and have sedentary lifestyles that clog our arteries and slow down the pumping of our blood. We even come up with staring contests to control our blinking. So even that which God has set up to help regulate our intricate body, we mess up.

I know that at the end of each day I have chosen all that has come my way. So if I am happy with the outcome or unhappy that is up to me. So today as I sit here, a nearly three in the morning. I know that I am being self-destructive. I have work tomorrow. I have school work I did not do. I probably somewhere between three and four thousand calories today. I did not exercise. I was glutenous sloth. Tomorrow I will not feel well and I will be tired. It will help to continue this path that I am on. But as much as I chose I also don't chose. I don't chose to finish doing my laundry. I don't chose to stop eating. I don't chose to exercise.

I wish that I was better with my choices. I wish that I could say that here on day 10,954 that I have figured it out. But I have not. So instead I blog about how I have no idea what I am doing. I blog about how I wish that I was doing better. And I blog in hope to help motivate myself into making those good choices. But for today I will count it a loss. I will chalk it up to another day of experience and hope that I learned something. Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance at new choices. What will you do with yours?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Is it still today?

I am tired. It has been a long day. If I think of it in hours worked then it doesn't seem as long as if I think about the list of things I did. I woke up early to try to fix my gate. It is my second attempt at fixing a gate and it again did not work out. I ran out of time and had to go to work. After a quick shower and a bowl of rice chex I was out the door. I thought I would be late but arrived on time somehow. Work was good, my hour and a half doing lunch duty. I spent my hour and a half break working on my EED class assignment. I had grabbed a microwavable chef boyardee and a fruit cup on my way out the door this morning. They made for a decent lunch except I tasted the beef-a-roni on my breath all afternoon. Next time I need to make sure I have some gum afterwards. Then it was time to go back to work. Today was wacky wednesday. We call it that because we have so many kids on wednesdays. It was additionally wacky due to it being the first wed of a new session of enrichment classes which means more work for me. After everything settled down I had to go to our other campus and watch junior high kids because a co-worker had called out. I had one kid and worked on my Eng final project for that hour and a half.

Then it was off to babysitting. I got out of work a little early so I stopped by a Chick-fil-a. There was a school eating their to raise money (you know how restaurants do that sometimes, a portion of the profits go toward a cause for receipts turned in during certain hours.) So the restaurant was very busy. But I found myself a both out of the way and watched the kids run around like crazy. I got their 12 piece nugget meal with fries and cookies and cream shake. It was way too much food. I should have made a better choice. Then it was off to babysit. The girl I was watching is really easy and goes to bed by eight. So she finished dinner, we played Rummikub a few times then she had some dessert. We played one more game and it was time for bed. With her in bed it meant it was time for me to do more homework. I spent another hour and a half finishing my eng final project and turned that in. Woohoo! No more english! Then another hour and half working on my eed assignment. I think I still have at least another hour writing up the essay I need to turn in but I have all the base work done. I did waste a bit of time playing on facebook throughout as well. Then it was time to come home. And here I am updating you on my crazy day. I did end the day with a klondike bar with some cool whip. So I don't know how food was today. Not too bad. I was getting hungry after five hours of babysitting so the klondike bar was reasonable.

Tomorrow is another day. A little less planned so that is good. Though I really want to figure out this fence thing. It is driving me insane right now. Oh and I need to wash my car.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

An Answer

So I know what the question on everyone mind is. How is gluten free going? Well I went gluten free for about a day and a half. I felt no pains yesterday. Yea! But work was stressful and I came home and ate food that definitely had gluten in it but have no stomach pains. So am I a hypochondriac? Yes I am. (I totally blame my mother.) But I still stand by the fact that I am not eating how I think that God wants me to be eating. I think that God has something new in store for me but I need to prepare. I am dedicating my time to God, money to God, going to school for a degree, and I need to dedicate my body to God as well. The food that I eat needs to healthy. I need to eat moderately not binge eat because a girl work was driving me crazy.

That being said. Yesterday I ate well. Three meals all healthy it was great. I had a good breakfast, good lunch. But my afternoon work just got so stressful and I had to just keep it all in to be professional. When I got home I grabbed the box of Golden Grahams and my silk milk, sat down in front of the computer and ate two bowls. Then I had to go to the bank and the nearest one is in my local Fry's. Did I just go to the bank? Of course not! I bought more ice cream because what lactose intolerant, concerned about gluten girl doesn't need a box of Snickers ice cream bars and Oreo Klondike Bars? I have to admit I had three snickers bars and 1 Klondike bar. So my stomach does hurt a little but due to eating a crazy amount of calories.

Tomorrow is another day and I will try again tomorrow. I want to get myself on the right track before I start tracking. Which I know maybe I shouldn't do but I have always hated tracking every little thing. I know it works! I totally do. But it is a pain and so micro-managy.

***

On a different note school is going well. I just have to write up a couple paragraphs describing some advertisements I made for my Eng 102 final project and then that class will be all done. My new EED class is kind of frustrating just because I don't understand the point of the assignment. I learned things from the lesson but the assignment is like busy work and doesn't really have to do with what we learned. That is frustrating. Hopefully the whole class isn't this weird.

I was offered a babysitting job for the next couple Wednesdays and Saturday nights. As you may know I decided to decline any babysitting jobs on Saturday's for church. So I knew I would say no to those. But Wednesday's I have been going to a writing group where we edit the novels we wrote for NaNoWriMo in November. I wanted to say no at first but knowing I just spent extra money on a hotel and then dinner is going to cost as well I thought I should go ahead and take the jobs. I am a little sad that I will be missing out on my Wed group but know I need to think big picture which includes paying for a little birthday celebration.

It is late again and I am supposed to wake up to go to church tomorrow morning. I have not made it two or three weeks and I really miss it so I need to wake up tomorrow. Especially since I will miss my wed night group. Oh and my church is doing a woman's night of worship and it is open to all women in the Phoenix area, there are 12 churchs all meeting together. It is this Friday at 7pm. The church is Living Streams at Central and Glendale. I will totally be there if you want to come praise God with me and lots of other women. Unfortunately no child care is available.

Till I post again, Ta Ta!

Monday, March 5, 2012

More Thoughts

I feel like I just posted about this. (I did about six hours ago.) But more thoughts have run through my head and I feel the need to share them with you.

My stomach still hurts. It is after I eat something. The feeling is hard to describe not hungry or like food poisoning. It is like a churning deep in my stomach. From the first moment I felt it yesterday evening my head went straight to gluten allergy. I have a few friends at work with it and have heard the symptoms described. It feels like what they have described. I hate jumping off cliffs. Deciding it must be this awful thing or being a hypochondriac. But the truth is this just doesn't feel right. I am a person that is aware of their body and the way feels. This is a new feeling at the age of (almost) thirty my digestive system shouldn't be feeling new ways.

I was talking to my older brother this evening about it. We happened to be talking right after I had eaten two hot dogs for dinner and the pain came back. I said it first, gluten allergy, but he was quick to say "yes maybe celiac disease." That sounds so awful, having a disease. I barely even heard him say it the first time. But I looked it up and there it was stating that people with lactose intolerance often have celiac disease and not know it. If this was the case and my symptoms were getting worse then it would account for my extra sleeping lately. If I stop eating gluten my depression could stop.

I think back to my few times as a vegan. Generally as a vegan I was gluten free. When I made things like pancakes I often bought gluten free mixes because they were also vegan. Maybe that explains part of why I do feel so much better being vegan. Not necessarily the processed meats poisoning my body but the gluten that I have been eating.

Honestly, total honesty. The thought in my head tonight as I said, "Celiac disease? Why God." and it just hit me. I have prayed to get healthy time and time again. I have known I was lactose intolerant for three or four years now and yet I still eat dairy even though my body rejects it. And yet I still pray God help me stick with eating healthy. God help me get healthy so I can have kids one day. And now it is painful to eat the foods that are not good for my body. God tried lactose intolerance and it didn't work. So now maybe the having or the idea of having celiac disease will do it.

I hear you God.
I hear you.



I need to try harder. I need to lean on God on those times that I want to cheat or skip a workout. Clearly God has a different path for me then the one that I am on. It is clear to me that I have choice right now. God is saying you can continue down your path or you can take mine. But right now. This moment. This is when you need to decide.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Not a Well Oiled Machine

My stomach hurts. It started to hurt after the pot luck at church last night . It hurt all night long. I figure maybe it is from eating bad foods. (I have not been eating healthy at all lately.) So this morning I had a large apple for breakfast at 8 am and then around 11 am I had a granola bar. Since I ate the granola bar my stomach has been hurting again. It's not like a hungry hurting it's like a 'I'm upset with you pain.' There were only trace amounts of dairy in the granola bar so it shouldn't be my lactose intolerance creating the problem. So all I really know is that I don't like it.

I want to just (and am currently) curled up in a ball on my bed trying to move as little as possible. I should probably go find something to eat with some fiber and then exercise. I need to get my system moving to get whatever my body doesn't like out.

I also want to be honest that I have not been exercising or eating healthy or tracking my calories like I should. This may be why I am in this position right now. I mean for all of January I ate vegan and totally healthy. I was eating my fruits and vegetables every day like I should. Then last month I eat greasy foods and dairy, so much (delicious) dairy. Of course my body is revolting. It wants the good healthy food back. As good as ice cream tastes this pain in my stomach is not worth it. Bleh!

I think I will take a short nap and then get up and find some exercise to do.

Before I do I will update you on a couple things. First, I did apply to be a priorfatgirl and blog through their site. It is a long process of nominations and reader voting so I won't know for awhile but will keep you updated. Second, my little birthday stay-cation is not working out. Between spring training and spring breaks all of the hotels are booked. I can't get a single good deal on a hotel. I am going to talk to my friend tonight about it. I think we need to move dates or cancel it. So far it has been more frustration then good. Third, I am having sleeping issues. As you know I take melatonin to help me sleep. Well lately I have been sleeping twelve hours which means I am waking up late for work. I tried not taking the melatonin but then it takes forever to fall asleep. I am already on a pretty small dose but I am going to cut it in half and see if that helps. Though of course when I eat healthy and exercise this sleeping issue disappears.


Friday, March 2, 2012

Thursday?

Well it is not really Thursday anymore it is now Friday. It is 1:17 to be exact. It is late and I should be sleeping but here I am posting instead. Why? Because I love all of my lovely readers.

Things are going well. I think I mentioned how I turned in all of last week's homework a day late on Sunday. Well I am happy to say that I have now turned in all of my work for this week. That is why I am up so late, I have been trying to get it all done. I have been working on it all week. I had to read and edit my research paper a million times for English and then for Early Childhood I had to interview five kids. Which was actually kind of hard because they had to be playing using their imagination and you can't really control when kids do that. Plus I was doing it while I was working and so I had to make sure I was paying attention to all of the other kids as well. Anyways I got a total five assignments for both classes done! Then I realized the three for early childhood are not due till next week. Not a big deal though. Because I started a week late because I was waiting on financial aid I technically have three classes next week and this means that I already have the work done for one of the classes. I think I am going to try and to at least have of my final project for english on Saturday. I have to create at least three advertisements that go along with my research paper topic. I already them out so the hard part will be figuring out how to create the actual ad.

This week has been really long at work. The kids are just loud and have so much energy. I come home everyday exhausted. Tomorrow my boss is out and I don't like the sub that we have. Though I guess she is better then having no sub...ok I don't really think that but my boss does so I guess.

I am trying to book a hotel for Friday the 23rd. I told you me and a girlfriend were going to get away for a night. But in case you were not aware March means baseball spring training which means every decent hotel in phoenix is already booked. So I don't think it is going to work. I got so mad last night with hotel's that had disappeared (sold out) that I told myself no more looking for hotel's till Sunday. I just don't need the frustration between now and then.

I have been having trouble sleeping. The problem is I am sleeping too much. The last two days my brother has had to wake me up so that I would make it to work on time. In fact he keeps harassing me because I am still awake that I really won't wake up tomorrow. I think I am going to skip my melatonin tonight. I figure I must have too much in my system because last night I slept twelve hours and then night before I slept ten. That just doesn't work.

So one last thing before I head to bed. There is this blog I follow called 'PriorFatGirl.' The girl's name is Jen and she is totally inspirational I am always reading her blog. Well she is now at a maintain weight and so she wants to have people blog on her site that have weight to loose. She had a couple girls but they didn't stick with the blogging so now she is looking for new applicants.  I am thinking of applying. It would mean I would mostly post over on her blog instead of here. Though I think most of that is all weight loss so school stuff would stay here. I am not sure though. But the idea of being a prior fat girl instead of a current fat girl sounds awesome. And as you all know I keep trying to set goals and loose the weight. The scary part is she has a very big following and her followers love to comment and they are not always nice. I have about six followers here and I seem to handle that ok but eight hundred followers that is a little scary. I am still praying about it and trying to figure out what God thinks about this. So I will let you know what I decide. I mean can support others with my journey and they support me with encouragement then that's not bad right?

Well now it is 1:38 so I really need to sleep. Talk to you soon!