About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 34 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.


Saturday, July 31, 2010

Weekly Weigh-In

I am so excited to post that I lost 6 lbs this week!! It takes me down to 254, which isn't my lowest but only 2 lbs higher so I am really excited. My waist stayed the same at 49" so that is good too. Someone asked me about my other measurements and I realized I don't think I have posted about that. From time to time I take all my measurements; neck, arms, chest, legs the whole deal. Right now I try to give myself 90 day goals, which I have mentioned before. Anyways I take my full measurements every 90 days right now. So I have 1 more month till I take them again.

Today my friend came with me to the gym. At 24 hour fitness you can send friends a pass to try the gym for 24 days. So I sent one to my friend. She came with me tonight and I learned some new stuff and got a new strength routine to mix in with my other strength routine. I think this will help me not get so complacent and its good for the muscles. But really I just had a lot of fun. Normally I go by myself and keep the ipod in not talking to anyone and so having a friend along was awesome! Because the pass is for a month we will probably get together a few more times to work out. I am so excited!

I have worked out for the last 6 days so tomorrow is my day off from exercise. One thing my friend challenged me to do is to try some of the fitness classes they have. So far I have been scared of them because I don't know if I can do a full hour or 45 min of cycling. But as she likes to tell me I am pretty hard core. And I know that if I am in the right mindset I can push myself. So I have a goal of going to at least 1 class but I am going to shoot for 2 classes some time this week. I am pretty much completely free the next two weeks so I want to take advantage of the flexibility of my schedule to help push myself into the classes. I think I will enjoy them, its just starting them that is a little scary.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Staycation (sort of)

I am sorry about my last post. I know dramatic but really just me being an emotional girl. As I think I have mentioned before I have three weeks off from work. Here is how the week has gone so far.

Sunday: I was still upset and frustrated. I know that normalcy helps me heal so I went on my regular schedule. I got up and went and got my niece and nephews and went to church. I spent half of service with tears streaming down my face. I watched the kids and then hung out for a little while after my sister got home. That night I tried to relax. I exfoliated and shaved, used a mud mask and took a milk bath. It was lovely and relaxing.

Monday: I had a side babysitting job in the morning (with kids I love to watch) and then went baby shopping for Mylinda's baby shower. I went to Buy Buy Baby, there was so much fun stuff it was hard to pick what to get.

Tuesday: This was my pamper me day. I got up around 9am, got dressed in a pretty yellow sundress I wore to my sisters wedding. I had a quick breakfast and then went out. I had an appointment at Sundrops Nail Spot. It is a small place out near Biltmore at 40th St and Camelback. I had a coconut pedicure and then a brow threading. Overall I am happy with it but mostly disappointed. The location is beautiful and fun music and such. The woman who did my pedicure talked a lot all about her upsale options and when I tried to steer the conversation somewhere else she tied it back into making her more money. She did something, maybe cutting my cuticles and then sprayed something on my toes which was very painful. I think it was the most painful pedicure I have ever had (not that I have had a lot but still it sucked.) Next was the eyebrow threading. When I did waxing I always broke out and was red for days. So I thought hey lets try this. Overall threading does seem to be a bit more painful because it takes longer but it creates the same desired effect. They seemed to have a new chair and didn't know how to use it. The woman was short and they couldn't figure out how to lower it so I had to slouch in the chair plus because the chair was so high my feet dangled so it created this awful crink in my back. I could tell the lighting wasn't very good so she was having some problems and then she kept draping the string across me which at one point wrapped around one of the jewels on my dress which then took her 2 min to figure out how to unwrap it. I think it would be a great place for party/pre wedding pedicure location. I just would not want this woman to do my work, I am sure they have staff there.

After that I went over to Biltmore Fashion Park and walked around all the shops. It was lots of fun looking at everything. It was actually like a walk down memory lane. Frog figurines from Maui, William Sonoma like my first job at a kitchen store, and Cheesecake Factory oh so many memories there. It was a lovely morning. I stopped at Harkins and watched the new movie Salt. I found it very disappointing and the ending was bad. I got home and had a two free hours so I did a quick change and went to the gym. I got back and took a quick shower then got back in my cute sundress to go to a Mary Kay party. My good friend Mylinda now does Mary Kay and invited my to a party. It was more like a recruitment party than anything else but I still had fun hanging out with girls and seeing how excited Mylinda and Lia are about their new opportunities with Mary Kay.

Wednesday: I was able to go into work for a few hours thanks to my awesome boss. She didn't want me to come in till after 11 am. I slept in till about 10:30 and then casually got ready for work. I got there about 11:30 and stayed till about 4:30 so a good 4 hours of work. It wasn't exciting, cleaning toys but hey work is work. I had church in the evening and then gym afterwards. I love being a member of 24 hour fitness because I didn't get to the gym till 10 pm and then didn't leave till 11:30 pm. But I like working out while the gym is mostly empty.

Thursday: I had stayed up so late Wed night I slept in this morning. I was supposed to meet my friend Kandie at 11 am to hang out but I didn't wake up till she called at 11:15 am. It was ok though. We had lots of fun. We watched Footloose, which I hadn't seen before. Then went the pool for a little while and then came back in and watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. It was a lot of fun hanging out with her and her son and then her husband when he came home from work.

Friday I babysit again and then Sat and Sun I watch my niece and nephews again. Next wed I have an apt for a facial and shampoo treatment. Plus I have tentative plans to hang out with Kandie again next week and maybe watch Twilight and New Moon.

I keep going to the gym and working out. Kandie is a personal trainer so I am going to have her help me with my work out. Plus she thinks I need more protein in my diet so I am going to look into that as well. In addition I have also added some extra cardio on my strength day. I have been helping with the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure for a few years now. And when looking up some info I decided that maybe I could start training to run the 5K for the Race for the Cure. So I found a six week plan to help me train for it and started on Monday. So we will see how that goes.

I think that is it for now. I will post again on Sat night after my weigh in.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Broken

Today I feel broken. You ever have one of those weeks where one thing after another goes wrong. Where nothing will go right and everything feels wrong. And you keep trying to hold on because something good is going to happen. Something will work out. I knew that I was going to loose weight or loose inches this week. I went to the gym everyday this week working out hard, pushing myself. I ate healthy and didn't over eat or eat out all week. I was going to loose weight. I went to weigh in and I gained 3.5 lbs! My official weight on the wii fit is 259.9. I think the .1 is just screw with me. So now I am 260 again! It was so the last straw. My waist stayed the same which is is good, at least it didn't go up but why?! Why can't I loose weight?!! I follow this girls blog and she started at 350 lbs and is trying to loose 100 lbs this year. She is already at 57 lbs lost and what I am at, I think it a total of 10lbs lost in the last 8 months. It is right. It's not fair. I don't understand why I can try so hard and push myself and sacrifice and then nothing happens. Everyone says, oh you gained muscle which is good because muscle burns fat but you don't know that. My stupid scale that does fat percentages still says I am the same 43% that I have been all year long. When people say that it reminds me of this other girls blog who every month gains 5 lbs for her period, which she does loose after her period but everytime just blames the gain on her "TOM." Actually as often as she is using it as an excuse I think she is having two "tom's" every month. Why can people on Jillian's new show loose 30-40 lbs in 6 weeks when in 24 days I have gained 3 lbs. What am I doing wrong? I met with a trainer and follow everything she said. And I even ran it past my trainer friend and she said it was good. And when i tell other people all I do they are surprised by how much I work out but it doesn't matter because it isn't working!

Intellectually I know that I am going to keep going to the gym. Keep watching what I eat because what else am I going to do. Now am lactose intolerant and can't eat any good foods anyways and I already paid for a year gym membership so I am going to get my money's worth. But it is just exhausting and frustrating and just feels pointless. If when I give my all it doesn't make a difference then what is the point?

So today I feel broken.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

My weigh in

I promised I would post this so I am. This evening I was starving and so I stopped and got a pizza. Totally not a good idea. I spent 20 min waiting for it and then ended up eating an entire medium pizza. It was good but way way to many calories. And of course I missed the gym because I got out of church at 7pm and then 15 min drive home and 20 min waiting for pizza and then i had to eat it. And the gym closes at 9pm so I didn't make it again.

I went and weighed in on my wii fit. My waist finally went back down to 49" after a few weeks up at 50". My weight stayed at 256 lbs. Technically it went up by .02 lbs but too little to matter. So maybe muscle weight but most likely the extra calories I have eaten the last few days.

Self Sabotage

I don't know why I do it but I know I am doing it.

I have continued with my exercise routine. I go to the gym for an hour a day switching back and forth between cardio and strength. I noticed the last couple days that my pants have been riding a little lower. Actually I should have grabbed a belt today because my pants were so loose. Great news right? I should be excited to see that my effort is paying off. Instead I start self sabotaging. I don't like plan it out, it just is a spur of the moment usually. Yesterday I ate 4 Paradise Bakery Cookies, 4! I was having a bad day and so I had planned to buy two but then I am out the door and I have 4. And then I realize that was dumb, but hey I will just save two. Of course I don't. In case that wasn't enough I have been craving breakfast food for awhile so last night I went to Denny's and had the heartland scramble; I don't even know how many calories are in that. And then it just continued today. Breakfast was a donut, 32 oz diet coke, and a bag of peanuts. Lunch was good, a chicken salad and yogurt, because I planned it ahead. But then tonight wasn't good. I was going to meet some new people tonight so I was nervous so I this ice cream sandwich (lactose free of course), then at the place they had dinner. Then on the way home I pull into McDonalds and order the 10 nuggets, large fries, and large diet coke and in case that wasn't enough I also got a hamburger. Who needs that many calories?! I didn't especially because I didn't make it to the gym today. I don't even know why I ate all of it, because it was in front of me.

I know that some overeating will happen. The denny's dinner wasn't a huge deal but eating over 1000 cal from mcdonalds when I should have just gone home and had a 100-200 cal snack was dumb. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to loose...no, I want to get rid of all of this extra weight. I don't go to the gym for an hour so I can go to mcdonalds. I go to the gym so that I can get healthy and eating like I have over the last couple days is not healthy. I recognize that this is an addiction I am fighting. Just like my brother giving up smoking it is hard to quit and temptation is so easy. I do know that recognizing this sabotage is also helpful. I can't change what I have already eaten but I can move forward making good choices. Will I loose weight on tomorrow's weigh in? Probably not due to the extra calories and salt. But that won't stop me because I just hit a speed bump these last two days. I was stressed out and sad about something and nervous about meeting new people. It happens and I think I have handled it a lot better than I have in the past. I know that in the past I have gone on week long binges either not realizing what I was doing or ignoring the truth so I could have my instant gratification from the food I was eating. So I still need to improve. I still need to learn how to channel stress into exercise, I haven't quite figured that one out. Though tonight I almost talked myself into going to exercise instead of going to meet new people. So hey that is a change. Oh and in case you aren't on my facebook. The other night I was in the gym and one of the trainers new me by name. I am so proud that I go regularly enough now that he would learn my name. I am so proud of myself! :)

Well there it is. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. So I have admitted my self sabotage and can not try to lie to myself that I didn't realize what I was doing. I need to stop and think before I eat. I need to stop and think before I buy any fast food. Ok, actually I shouldn't be buying any fast food so that has to stop anyways. I will post again tomorrow, even if it is short, what my new weight and measurements are.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A week past

I am so frustrated by not loosing weight. I know I have only been going to the gym for two weeks now but I feel like I should see some results. I weighed myself in tonight and I did loose 1 lb and am now down to 256 lbs. It is frustrating to spend so much time in the gym and work so hard to not see the results!

I saw some girlfriends tonight and they complimented me on how great I am doing and I want to say thank you (and I do) but it is just frustrating because I know that I haven't lost any weight in nearly 4 months now. I just want to get down below 250, I just want to get past this stupid hurtle! So of course my wonderful friends remind me to I am close and to have patients and remember that a loss of 60 lbs in a year is great. I know it is great but it is still frustrating. I do know that I need to fuel that frustration toward more gym time and healthier eating to see the weight loss I want. So some frustration is good.

This evening I was looking at a couple of blogs I follow specifically one named priorfatgirl it is actually a blog three different women do (they each have their own but follow same format) and they all have these before and after photo's and I think that is what I am missing. I know I have lost 60 lbs and I know I have gone down several pants sizes but I don't have that side by side to really see the difference. It is late so I am not going to attempt to now but I hope to put these on the right column of my blog to remind myself of what I have accomplished. But for now I am going to post them below.

This was taken on 5/9/2008. I was at my highest of 318 lbs.




This was taken on 3/12/2010. I was at 258 lbs on this date.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

An update

It has been over two weeks since I posted. I keep putting it off, some because I am busy and some because I hate reporting weight gain. On July 19th, I hadn't exercised in two weeks due to VBS. I gained 1 lb taking me to 254. The following week (last saturday) I weighed in at 257, a 3 lb gain. I had started to exercise again that week but only 4 out of 7 days. It was hard to get started again with exercising but did start on wednesday again. This week I have been good as well. I have this week off work and have had plenty of excuses not to go but I seem to push them aside and go anyways. I am so proud of myself. :) I have been good about one day of strength and one day cardio. Today is a cardio day.

As I mentioned before I had joined 24 hour fitness. I had my orientation training with a trainer. I have been doing what she told me and when I am in the moment doing the exercise I feel my body being pushed. But I am not really sore afterwards. I don't really feel fatigued. So I keep wondering if I am doing all I should be doing. Like I am not pushing myself enough. I think I need to sit down with my trainer friend and see what she thinks. I want to make sure I am not wasting my time, I want to see results. So this week I should see some results, hopefully at least some of the 4 lbs I gained will come off.

Yesterday I cut my hair again. I cut off about 4 inches and now it is just above my shoulders. My brother said that it doesn't count as weight loss, cutting off my hair. It is pretty thick, so hey maybe it will help a little. :) I like it, it is light and fluffy now. Really though I get tired of long hair and tend to put it up all the time. When I cut it off it is too short to put up so I am more likely to leave it down. The only problem now is when I go to the gym. I have to learn to deal with leaving my hair down while exercising. I don't think I have ever done that but I see other girls with short hair leave theirs down. So i just have to learn to deal with it I guess.

I am still all messed up with food though. I still don't know what to eat now that dairy is out. My meals are all off and funky, though I do think I eat less because I never know what to eat. Now when I have that random desire to eat I go look at the food available and determine their is nothing that good or satisfying so I don't eat. It is interesting how all comfort food seems to be full of dairy. I do tend to eat out more now though. Chicken nuggets, hamburgers and fries, even taco bell fresco style is all ok to eat. Though all have to many calories and aren't really healthy. I need to find a happy medium. And one that doesn't cost me and arm and a leg.