About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 34 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Broken

Today I feel broken. You ever have one of those weeks where one thing after another goes wrong. Where nothing will go right and everything feels wrong. And you keep trying to hold on because something good is going to happen. Something will work out. I knew that I was going to loose weight or loose inches this week. I went to the gym everyday this week working out hard, pushing myself. I ate healthy and didn't over eat or eat out all week. I was going to loose weight. I went to weigh in and I gained 3.5 lbs! My official weight on the wii fit is 259.9. I think the .1 is just screw with me. So now I am 260 again! It was so the last straw. My waist stayed the same which is is good, at least it didn't go up but why?! Why can't I loose weight?!! I follow this girls blog and she started at 350 lbs and is trying to loose 100 lbs this year. She is already at 57 lbs lost and what I am at, I think it a total of 10lbs lost in the last 8 months. It is right. It's not fair. I don't understand why I can try so hard and push myself and sacrifice and then nothing happens. Everyone says, oh you gained muscle which is good because muscle burns fat but you don't know that. My stupid scale that does fat percentages still says I am the same 43% that I have been all year long. When people say that it reminds me of this other girls blog who every month gains 5 lbs for her period, which she does loose after her period but everytime just blames the gain on her "TOM." Actually as often as she is using it as an excuse I think she is having two "tom's" every month. Why can people on Jillian's new show loose 30-40 lbs in 6 weeks when in 24 days I have gained 3 lbs. What am I doing wrong? I met with a trainer and follow everything she said. And I even ran it past my trainer friend and she said it was good. And when i tell other people all I do they are surprised by how much I work out but it doesn't matter because it isn't working!

Intellectually I know that I am going to keep going to the gym. Keep watching what I eat because what else am I going to do. Now am lactose intolerant and can't eat any good foods anyways and I already paid for a year gym membership so I am going to get my money's worth. But it is just exhausting and frustrating and just feels pointless. If when I give my all it doesn't make a difference then what is the point?

So today I feel broken.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, sweet Angela, I'm praying for you today. Love you. I wish I had something encouraging to say.

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