I am tired, exhausted, and frustrated! I have been awake for 17 hour which isn't actually a lot but I feel so tired and run down. I spent two hours exercising and 9 hours with kids and I am just worn out physically and mentally. I am also starving which I shouldn't be because I have eaten plenty of calories today but it has been 4 hours since I last ate so my body is whining at me to eat. But I just want to sleep and I know I don't need the calories but I don't know if I can sleep with a whining stomach.
But I am just at my wits end with these long exhausting days that don't seem to be doing anything for me except helping me gain more weight. I wore my fat pants today and they fit reasonably well this morning but by tonight they were tight on me. I am scared to measure but I may have gained another inch on my stomach! What in the world!! This is NOT what I wanted. My brother says "it takes time" and I know I just started back at the gym but this is just annoying. I litteraly want to cry because it is just so crazy.
Ok and then even worse I have a friend who saw I was loosing weight and was inspired. Well she is using a Homeopathic version of HGC and it is totally working for her. She lost like 80 lbs in the first session (42 days) and is already down 142 lbs and she is still on her second session. I don't even have 142 lbs to loose, I only need to loose about 110, ok maybe it is a little more than that with my current weight gains. But it isn't really healthy (you only eat 500 cal a day) and it is not approved by the FDA. And I don't have ins so if something does go wrong while I am on it then I am out of luck. But she hasn't had any problems and she is so happy and says she has more energy. Plus it is only $82 for one session. I spent $100 last week on fast food. And the Gazelle I bought years ago that I never used was $150. I just want an easy way out. I just want to get rid of this weight and then work to maintain it. Today some kid goes "your butt is big. All of is big." Now he is 4 and his mother is very skinny but it sucks to hear that when as I stand there most of my body is sore from working out. Knowing that my butt is actually bigger even though I have been trying so hard to make it smaller.
So right now in this moment I just want to quit these stupid boot camps. I just want to take the easy way out. Though most of my head is telling me that "if its too good to be true it probably is" but then the other side says well it is true, I know someone it is true for. I can see how much weight she lost. My family thinks its a bad idea, my friends are unsure of it but are swaying toward no's. It just makes everything more frustrating. Like this morning as I am running a mile around a park, really walking most of the way, I just think hey if I was taking HGC I might actually loose this weight. See in my head I already know this isn't working. I see that after 2 weeks I weigh more than I have in months. So now all I can say is grrrr.