This weekend was a little different. I normally watch my sisters kids all day saturday and sunday. But she had a big test on Sat morning and so she and her husband decided to do a staycation saturday night. This meant I had Saturday morning to myself but then stayed at my sisters all night and all sunday. Because I normally don't have saturday's off I wanted to do something, often times for me that means eating out. I became more aware of this this weekend but I will tell you about that later.
Saturday morning I woke up and my brother was showing his art at like a sidewalk fair thing. So I went out and stopped at dunkin donuts and got two donuts. This didn't really work out well. I was still hungry afterwards because I was used to eating a real breakfast and their donuts were more expensive and yet weren't any better than what I sometimes get at QT. In fact they didn't even have any filled donuts there, how weird is that. I went and hung out with my brother and SIL for awhile and then came home. On the way home I was craving soda (probably due to the donuts) and stopped at Taco Bell for lunch. Delicious but totally not healthy. I got to watch a movie before heading over to my sisters. For dinner I went to Wendy's and got the club sandwich, my favorite! The problem is a also got a medium vanilla shake. I am literally still sick from eating that stupid shake. I new I shouldn't eat it. I knew it would be a bad idea but I just got it in my head and couldn't seem to get it out. The next morning was a protein bar because it was easy and then lunch we went to McDonald's.
For dinner I was on my own. I was driving home and all think about was Baja Fresh. I wanted the quesadilla or maybe the nacho's. But I new that it wasn't fiscally responsible even if it would be delicious. I convinced myself to go to fry's instead because for the same $9 for one meal and 12 oz of soda I could easily get a bag of chips, shredded cheese, and a 2 litter. So that's what I did. The problem is I was on my way home from my sisters house so I had all my stuff in my car from staying the night. So not until I got to my car with my bags did it even dawn on me that my laptop was in the back of my car! Now you may so, no big deal. But remember my drivers window is stuck down so my car is never secure plus my windows are not tinted. Now thank GOD it was still there. But I still can't believe I left it there. I was so single minded toward getting the food and soda that I thought of nothing else. Not even my favorite position. Seriously if my house was on fire, bible's are cheap a new laptop not so much. Oh, and all my pictures on my laptop to so that just ads to the value.
After this happened I could think about was that morning's bible study. We are in Revelations and were discussing how during the tribulation Christians will die for their belief's and that you have to decide now what you will do if it happens not wait till the moment happens. Like with teenagers; they need to decide now if they will be abstinent not while they are in the "heat" of the moment. In class the discussion then turned into other parts of our lives where sin is a problem listing things like drugs, alcohol and porn. But for me it is food. Sat night the idea of the frosty entered my head and I couldn't seem to kick it out. I had actually been wanting to go to Dairy Queen all day and kept trying push away the thought but then I found myself at Wendy's and it was like my "drug" of choice was right there in front of me totally available. I have heard same thing about how I forgot about my computer people who are thinking about the alcohol or the drugs forget important things like their kids. And I know my computer is not as important as a kid but honestly where my head was if Tirso was in the back I just pray the Holy Spirit would have stopped me to remember him. I know it is awful to say and I almost don't want to post it but I think it is a real problem. ... I don't want food to control my life. I can't let it. And don't really know what I can do but be aware and the more I stop myself hopefully I learn to retrain my brain. I don't know though.
As I said I was with my nephews and I realize how important food is to me. See in my head (because I was already obsessing over it) that going to Dairy Queen would be a treat for them. But they didn't really care because it is just food to them. And then the next day I took them to Arrowhead because I wanted to hang out with my friend and her son and my youngest nephew could play together. And I felt bad that they had such a bad time that again I just kept thinking that maybe food would fix it. I could take them to taco bell or mcdonalds or something and it would fix. And I had remind myself that where in my head going out to eat is this big treat and special that for them its just food. I mean they like it and bug me sometimes to go instead of have PB&J but if they are not hungry they don't keep eating. They would prefer pants, shirts, hats, silly bands, etc. And this really made me realize how food is just...I don't like mentally I am messed up. I hate saying I bad relationship with food because that is part of the problem food is food it shouldn't affect me like this.
oh and on a side note after realizing I had left the computer in the car I had no desire to eat the nacho's and then soda bottle is still sealed in my fridge.