Ok just so you know this blog is probably going to be all over the place. It's like my head is swimming or maybe more like my thoughts are in the wash spinning around in my head. Though I figure that is pretty normal for my blogs.
Went again today, though I barely made it on time. We mostly did cardio which for me is just frustrating. She had us jog around the park stopping at these little exercise stations they have there. But really it just seemed like a lot of jumping. So we would run and then jump and run and then jump some more. Part of it is frustrating because I can see someone else do the full version and I try but my body just won't do it. And don't know maybe it is mental or because my body weighs more than theirs but it is discouraging. Like one spot we held a bar over our head and we were to lift both legs off the ground waist high. The other girl could do this and then trainer actually said she regularly has to lift her toes all the way up the bar not just waist high. But i couldn't do it. I got my feet maybe knee high but not any further. I had to do a modified option of lifting one leg at a time. I am going to keep doing this and finish out the 10 sessions but I don't think I would continue with this company. At least not at this weight. Anyways, so I was driving home out of breath but my body wasn't tired so I actually went to the gym for an hour and did my strength training routine.
So I know I said I wasn't going to weigh myself but I couldn't help it. I have noticed my pants getting tighter which is not a good sign. So yesterday I measured and my waist is up 1 inch. I used a different scale so I don't have an exact # but I have gained at least 5 lbs like I suspected. I know it has been my food, I keep eating out. Even today I went out for lunch even though I packed my lunch. But I was thinking about it and I also think is the non-gym thing. As you know I hadn't gone to the gym in several weeks before I started boot camp. And I kept thinking I would go, especially because I had time in the morning. But then I figured the boot camp would replace my strength training. And then when I was sore from the strength training I would use it as an excuse not to go do cardio on my off day. So I am eating worse and really not exercising of course I am gaining weight. I don't know that I will always do the strength training on my boot camp days but I think I might try. When I went today I noticed that when i did chest press and some of the leg moves I could do heavier weights but like my biceps, triceps, and lat pull down they were all much more difficult at my old weights. Actually I barely made it through the triceps and overhead press because the weight was just too much. So this lets me know that although some things are being worked out and improved not everything. I worry about over working a certain muscle group but I am smart and can figure it out. Like I did 30 lunges at boot camp so I only did 40 at the gym instead of my normal 60. I did have to push myself harder on my abs too but had to be careful since we did some ab work in the morning. As I type it out it sounds complicated which is why I have avoided the gym lately but when I was there I just figured it out. I need to trust myself and my knowledge and just go anyways.
I don't think I have talked about it but I currently attend two churches. I have attended Hillside Baptist for over 6 years. I attend at least twice a week and sometimes go more than that. But if you remember at the beginning of this year I was looking for a new group to plug into. At the time I was thinking of a small bible study. Instead God led me to Living Streams where I attend a Sat evening service. For the last 7 months or so I have always considered them separate just being two different parts of my life but over the last month or two I noticed how God is teaching me many of the same things through both churches as well as through some of the random books I have been reading. One of the biggest things is John. I started like 4 months ago a devotional study on John by Beth Moore. It was weird because I had randomly stopped at a Ross and was walking around and on a shelf where there were no other books there sat this book, at a great price. I had a few of her other devotions and wanted this one but didn't get around to buying it because of the cost. Seeing it in that store there was no question it was for me. I think it was two weeks later the Pastor at Living Steams started teaching from the book of John. You would think that was enough of a coincidence but it wasn't. Tim Lahaye, that wrote the Left Behind series. He and the same co-author have a new series where they tell a fictional first hand account from John, Mark, Matthew, and Luke. I was in the library one day and the Luke book had just come out and so it was in their new book area and it looked interesting. I noticed it was actually the fourth book so I went to see if they had the others and they did. The series started with John. I have had the book for 6 weeks, finally had to return it today. I have been slowly making my way through. Well the book isn't just about the book of John, 4th book in the New Testament. But it was about all John wrote which includes Revelations. Since Jan we have been studying Revelations in my Sun morning bible study. So knowledge from the class helped with book and now knowledge from the book is helping on Sun mornings. Not only that but the Pastor at Hillside, who is normally all over the bible. Has often been picking many verses and stories from both John and Revelations. Now I don't actually believe in coincidences and there is no way that this just happened. So I have been trying to learn and absorb as much as I can right now just trying to learn anything and everything God wants me to know.
A second interesting coincidence is fasting. Living Steams did a month of fast because the 26th was their 26th anniversary. So fasting was on my mind. Then last Sunday out of the blue the Pastor at Hillside mentions that he is going to be fasting on Mon and Tue and encourages us to fast as well. Although I have been interested in fasting it has always been a scary idea to me. I already have so many food issues that fasting doesn't sound like the right thing for me. But here I am and I feel like God is telling me to fast. So I got this book that is literally called "Fasting" of course by Christian author. I am hoping that I can get some insight into this fasting thing so I can feel more comfortable about it. Though I get being uncomfortable is part of the point so I will lean on God. I was thinking maybe instead of food I could fast from tv for 21 days but knowing me, and the lovely site Hulu, I could just watch it all after the 21 days. But would that be cheating? Knowing that I would get to watch it later. I mean it would still drive me nuts seeing my hulu queue grow, listening to my brother watch shows, or even listening to people talk about shows. I am not sure. Now I do know you aren't actually supposed to tell people you are fasting because you aren't supposed to be lifting yourself up to show others what you are doing. But I think the reason why I wanted to post this is first for your prayers that I won't chicken out and two for any tips or idea's you have for me encouraging this. Have you fasted? What kind of fast? I keep thinking I need to lock myself in my room and be alone but don't people fast while they work? Any advise would be helpful.
Awhile ago I posted about making a to do list. Things I want to accomplish in life. I said I would post it soon. When I sat down to think about it I realized that nothing on my list is for God. Everything is stuff I want to do; go to ireland, bungy jump, own a new car. But my list, and more importantly my life, need to reflect what God wants me to do. Sure me to have fun and be happy but my plans are not very often His plans. And yet His plans always turn out better. So I need more time to think and pray before I make a new list.
On a side note to this (I can not remember if I told you this yet.) I did start teaching myself spanish. I have this workbook I found at Sam's club. And then I can only get part of my dad's spanish program work but I am using the part that works. I was going to look into how many credits I need and I need 18 credits for a general AA degree. But I really have no desire to go back to school so at least I know my credit count. The third thing I was working on was saving for a trip to Seattle. This really hasn't happened yet. As I mentioned before I keep going out to eat and that's expensive. Plus my old school loans are coming due again and I don't think I am going to defer again. But I am working on my budget and hopefully it will come together.
I took my nephews to the AZ Museum for Youth. Honestly it is really small and pretty boring. Unless you live near it or are really desperate for something to do in Mesa I would say skip it. The AZ Science Center is better for youth and the Children's Museum is best for little kids. I posted several fun photo's on Facebook because my crazy nephews can have fun almost anywhere.
So my car sucks and I am not supposed to drive it long ways because it overheats. Well I did it anyways and went out to mesa and back. On the way home, like 3 miles from home the car did overheat and stall out. But I just had to let it cool for a little while and then we were good to go. But now the car engine is extra loud and it doesn't like being between 40-45. I push it anyways but I know something is wrong. I checked all my fluids and everything is full and nothing is really leaking. I know I should take it in but I seem to hate every mechanic I take it to and then all want to charge an arm and a leg. So I don't know what I am going to do. I was thinking maybe take it to the Nissan dealership for a full 109 point inspection or whatever it is so I can get a list of everything they think is wrong. I am sure it will be very long but maybe if I get someone honest (yeah right) and I say "ok, I have $200 what is the most important" then maybe that will work. I don't know, but I will figure it out.
Ok, I have been up for 17 hours now so it must be time for bed. Hopefully most of this was at least coherent enough to read if not then you probably didn't get this far. :) Have a fabulous day!!