I am moving from 1200 sq ft to about 350 sq ft. As I pack my things knowing that I have to get rid of...well it feels like almost everything. There is no room for anything. So I pack some and then make bags for goodwill and bags full of trash. I feel pain as I do this but I compartmentalize it. I see the pain attached to the item that must be discarded as I have no use for it and so before touching it I quickly push away the pain and the sadness and quickly move it on. Some things I stop and look at deciding if, just maybe I have the room. I have now gone through many of the boxes once and (because I know I have way to many boxes already) will go through them again sorting out more "memories" to discard. I remind myself that I still have the memory even if I do not have the item and this helps long enough to throw out a few more things.
I at one point actually got upset when I realized I do not have room for my 4 foot stuffed snowman named murry and I cried. I knew almost immediately this is silly and it probably just the last straw kind of thing. The part I really don't think I will make it through is my cats. I have tried and tried to find someone to take them but it is kitten season and so there is no room or want for any of my cats. I was so sure I would find a shelter for them but there isn't any. I still have them listed on craigslist but there are so many cats there I don't wonder why no one has noticed mine. So there is only one option left, the pound. In case you don't realize what that means it means I am going to pay someone $35 per cat to kill my cats. Two of the cats I have only had about a year, they are the sweetest cats and are declawed and I really wish this wasn't there fate but I can handle that. The real problem is Penny. I have such emotional ties to Penny. See I got Penny before my mom died and before my grandmother died. I remember getting her at my grandparents property up north, she was the runt of the litter. I named her Penny because that day I got her (she was just weeks old) I had this whole conversation with my grandmother about pennies. I don't remember exactly but I think she was dropping some on the ground and I thought that was weird because it was just the middle of the property. And then I remember on the way home and mom was driving and I held the kitten the whole time. And then I let it walk around on the floor board not realizing that there was a whole to the engine, the kitten almost walked into the engine because I wasn't thinking. I try to remind myself she is just a cat and there are a 100 more to replace this one when I am able to have one but I have had her for 8 years, she is my baby. My sister did offer to take Penny in but I don't know. I don't know how she will be around my sisters dog and then my sister has another cat and penny always dominates and will that just drive me more crazy just visiting her once a week. And I don't want my sister doing it because she feels bad for me. And...I don't know. And I don't know if I am strong enough to take them down there tomorrow. I had called a shelter to see if they had any room and when she called back she started giving me this guilt trip about taking them to the pound, like as if I needed that, and I was trying to be nice but all I wanted to do was yell at her for being so insensitive. They are just cats.
So I will focus on packing my stuff. I need to have everything packed by friday evening even though I am not moving till monday. On friday night I am scrapbooking, then Sat and Sun during the day I am babysitting, and on sat night there is a party I want to go to. So sun night I will get all my last min stuff packed and I really need to clean several rooms before the move too. It is kind of weird since my brother and I are switching houses there is no time in between. It will probably be best to load my stuff, transfer it over and then load up his stuff to bring over here, he has a lot less stuff than I do. I was supposed to ask a friend if I could borrow his trailer to help with the move but I haven't yet. I meant to on wed night when I saw him but I didn't have the time. Without a trailer it may take 3 loads with my dads truck and that is just my furniture, I would probably need to move all the boxes in cars. I think my dad and brothers are all helping. And then my sister and family should be able to help as well so I think I am covered. I am leaving about half of my furniture, ok maybe a third of my furniture here since I have no room and my brother may be able to use it; so that helps with the move.
I can't believe it is already thursday, I feel like I still have so much to pack before I go. Though I seem to have saved books and my kitchen for last. Both pretty big projects. The kitchen stuff won't really need to be used so it is just making sure it is all stored safely for the unknown amount of time I won't be using it.
I think that is about it for now. Probably won't update again till after the move. Let you know how it all works out.