Always Something New

If you have been reading my blog for awhile you know I am on the very long journey of no longer being plus size. Being healthy, active and have a wider selection of clothes to choose from. This spring I started hiking. It has been a lot of fun and I really enjoy spending time hiking though now that it is a million degrees outside here in Phoenix I have not been hiking very often. I wish I was a morning person so I could go out before it got to hot but I just can't convince myself to get up that early in the morning.

In addition to this I have started using "It Works" products. A friend of mine started selling it and posting about the products on Facebook. Their main product is a wrap that supposedly shrinks your fat cells causing you to loose inches with a results that last 4-6 months. They have several other products as well.  It is hard to find accurate information online about the products because the program is a pyramid sales program like Mary Kay, Herbalife, or Avon. So the internet is full of people trying to sell the products which then makes real reviews hidden. As note, if you have found this blog, I do not sell the products I am simply trying them out. I am currently on day 22 of a 90 program that allows me to try out several of their products. I am blogging about them to create a real untampered review of the products.

The 90 day program I selected starts the first 30 days with cleanse using multi-vitamins, greens, and a cleanse product called regular. The next 30 days is about lose where I will use greens, fat fighter, and thermofit. The last 30 days is tighten where I continue with greens and finally use the ultimate body applicator (wrap) and defining gel.

Right now, as I said before, I am on day 22 so I can only review the three products I have used for month one.

1. It's Vital Core Nutrition - A multi-vitamin
       - 1 bottle lasts 30 days with you taking 3 pills each morning. You can view the ingredients on the web site. It seems like it is a basic multi-vitamin with a few extra things added. I don't feel a difference compared to my previous multi but the site states that it has things to help with metabolism, I do not know if this is true.

2. Greens
      - Greens come in either berry or orange flavor. I selected berry flavor and since I committed to 90 days I bought the large container of greens. You can either by 1 month worth or 3 months worth at a discounted rate. This is a powder that comes with a small scoop. You use two small scoops of the greens and mix it with a liquid. I have been adding it in my morning protein shake. It takes a few days to get used to the flavor but now I don't notice it anymore.
      - The greens have many supplements in them including green tea. I was worried that I might get shaky from this product as many other supplements cause my heart to race and I get shaking. Luckily this did not happen and I feel fine after drinking it. I have missed a couple days due to time in the morning and so I try to think about if I feel a difference. I would say that it does make me feel clearer for the day and a little less sluggish. I also recently heard that it can help with my lactose intolerance issues. I tested it out a little bit and I would say that this is true. If I eat a lot of dairy I can get very gassy but this has not happened when eating dairy over the last week which is pretty awesome.

3. Regular
    - This does exactly what you think it would, helps clean out your colon. A bottle is 30 days worth with taking 2 pills each night. I alternated between 1 and 2 pills each day. Either way they both worked well clearing out my body just like a cleanse should. No bad side affects. That is until I reached about day 18. I noticed that my stools were getting looser and it was sometimes painful to go to the bathroom. So of course I have stopped taking it and there are no more issues. I don't know if maybe it just finished what it needed to or what but I would say it worked well. I will keep the remaining bottle to potentially use again in the future.


Next month is about loosing weight. I will continue on the greens which works just fine with my morning protein shake. As note I am using the chocolate Ideal Shakes I had previously bought not long ago. They fast great and help me stay full all morning. In addition I will start taking Thermofit which should help increase matabolism and decrease appetite. With this I am again hoping I will not get the shakes. I will also start using Fat Fighters. This product is to be taking after a large meal or after eating a lot of carbs. It is supposed to help move the bad fats out of your body instead of absorbing them.

One other note is that I am going off from the 90 day plan and I am also getting a package of the wraps. I have decided I would like to try the wraps first on my arms. I hate my 'bat wings' and would love to tighten my upper arms. So I will try those out and see how and if they work soon. I think that is it for now I will post again next month.

Upcoming Birthday

This year I am feeling old. I usually don't mind my age. I have lived each year learning and growing from the year before. Unlike most women I don't mind telling people my age. I have lived these years, why hide them? This year I will be turning 32 and for some reason it is really getting to me. It feels so…old.

I have thought about it. Why this year? What is different? It may be the time I am spending with college and 20's age people. Compared to these 18-26 year old's 32 seems so far off. I have also noticed the wrinkles around my eyes begin to appear and the greying hair of a friend my age. I think about the fact that I still have no boyfriend making me at least 2 years from marriage and at least 3 years from having a child. Although 35 is not too old have a child, it is getting very close to the too old to have a child age.

I have started to think about what I haven't done. I haven't lost the weight I had been hoping to for so many years. I have traveled some but not like I really wanted to when I was younger. I wonder if I have been adventurous enough, explored enough, been a witness for Christ often enough?

In the last couple weeks I have started hiking. It is nice to get out of the house and just hike. It clears my mind, gives me time to work thoughts through, and most important time with God. I realized this week there is a mountain less then 5 minutes from my house. How have I not realized this before? How did I miss before how beneficial hiking is for me both mentally and physically. So much better then hours and hours in front of the television.

It is said that we can only move forward. I can not change what I have missed out on or what has passed me by. Instead I have today and then tomorrow to take new steps on the path I desire.

Oh, and what will I do for my birthday? My birthday is Wed the 12th. On Fri the 14th - Sun the 16th I am going on a mission trip to Mexico with my church. We will serve in a variety of ways and I will pour out love on the children of Rocky Point.

Bible Study

Back in September I started to volunteer for the college group at my church. It is called Refinery and meets every Sunday night. It was a small commitment with no real direction. I seem to have found my spot making new comers feel welcome, getting to know them and not let them sit alone. It actually surprised me at how well I do this and how comfortable I feel doing it. See I am generally an introvert and I am not one to go greet new people. I stay in the corner and keep to my self generally. However God, as always, knew what He was doing. See I know what it is like to stand in a corner. To want to go to an activity but simultaneously to not feel alone or overwhelmed by people. I watch people and see their mannerisms and can see how they are feeling through their actions. So I reach out to people the way, hopefully, they need it best. I can truly only do this with God's help each time. 

It didn't take long to get invited to the actual leader meetings and get further involved. They also meet for game nights on Thursdays. I have a bible study that night so I often miss but over winter break I was able to go to about 6 of them. I loved just hanging out and inviting people to join us each week. I went camping for the first time with this group and will hopefully be going to Mexico with several of them in March. 

One of the other leaders has been doing a bible study for women each week. She had casually invited me but I never made it. It has been on my heart to see about joining her at the end of January when she started a new group for the new semester. She contacted me first. She was starting  co-ed group and was wondering if I would start my own woman's group to fill the hole. It is one of those things, clearly it was on my mind already placed by God. But I have never run a bible study before. What if I do it wrong? What if I don't have the right answers? 

I continued to pray about it. Friday the Refinery bible studies randomly came up in conversation with a close friend. I mentioned the opportunity and my concerns and they were a total encouragement to go for it. Their confidence was so supportive. It again, a half hour later, randomly came up in conversation to the Refinery's Pastor's wife, she is a friend but I just wanted to clarify who. Now here we are 4 days later and we have a day, time, place, and topic all planned. She is going to help me since I am feeling a little less then confident and I don't really mind. 

The plan for the content is to expand on what the Pastor teaches on Sunday night. This is the biggest thing I am thinking about at this point. I want to make sure I am not misrepresenting what Luke talks about. He is a powerful speaker and God has blessed Luke with this amazing gift. It's again weird because I know that that is what I should be teaching on but at the same time it worries me. I know the answer is to make sure that I am in the Word and in prayer listening. I believe God wants me to do this and now I need to trust and listen. 

Some Days

Some days, like today, I wish there was arranged marriages. Not that I believe my parents would have actually found a great guy for me but I am seriously bad at finding relationships on my own. I am 31, nearly 32 and I am single. I have always been single. This is not to say I have never loved. There was a guy I loved once but he chose someone else. It was painful and complicated and I wasn't able let him go emotionally until I saw his wedding pictures. Then I promptly removed him as a Facebook friend.

I am hopeless at flirting. I don't know how to do it or I do it wrong; I don't know. There is this guy right now I am interested in and I think he might be interested in me. I haven't seen him in a week and I miss hanging out with him. I knew I would see him today and I was so excited. So excited in fact that I lost all of my words and passed by him without even saying hello. What is wrong with me?! What I wanted to do, what I should have done is placed my hand on his arm, looked him in the eyes and said hi. Instead I over think and I think about the other people present and what if I am wrong and he will think I am crazy. See, I swear I will be single forever. God better be sending me a man that take charge of the relationship because otherwise I am up a creek without a paddle.

Contradiction

I don't how I can love my job one minute and hate it the next. Some weeks I feel down right bipolar. Last week I was sick and had to call out for work and I hated it. I worried about who was watching my kids and teaching my class. Then on the other side I don't want to go to work so much that I often stay up way too late and sleep through the million alarms I set for myself. Days I somehow get myself up on time I still somehow end up being late to work. It is a miracle that I have not been fired yet.

It is so confusing to me how I can be so connected to this group of kids and then feel so totally and utterly frustrated by them. Though now that I type this out I realize how normal this really is. Although I do not have children of my own I have plenty of friends that do and this is exactly how they describe being a parent. The complete and utter love you have for your child even though sometimes they drive you so batty that you would sell them to the traveling circus. That really sums up how I feel.

On Monday I had the odd experience of having a fellow teacher in my class criticizing what I do and how I treat my students. She was supposed to be observing and assisting me as needed in my class as she is new to the company. She was very critical of me and did not like it when I did not agree with her. Over the past couple days I have run her complaints through my head. Scenario's of what had happened and how I could have handled it differently. Every time I come back to the fact that I was doing my best with the students at the time. Was each interaction completely perfect? No, but it was far from abusive or detrimental to the children in any way.

So here I sit at 10:30 at night, avoiding my bed because I don't want to wake up for work tomorrow. When mentally I have been defending my teaching and my kids for two days. To love and hate my job at the same time. It is such a weird conundrum.

The Truth

Hello my blog reading friends. I know it has been a long time and one of you (violinist) recently pointed this out to me. So the question is "How am I doing?" a great question but let me first tell you why I haven't been posting.

Here I blog about me. My truths. I put everything out their for you to read, the whole world to read. I try to live my life under the thought that if I am embarrassed by it I shouldn't be doing it. So with that I can post my life because I am not ashamed of it, or at least I shouldn't be. I write about everything. Personal life, church, I am careful with work posts, family stuff, everything. This is my journal. I have never really been fond of a hand written journal. I type so much faster then hand writing and so it closer to the rate the thoughts flow from my head. The speed is also a time saver I find. :)

So why? Why did I stop writing. I have been asked this several times, recently actually. I have had many excuses but I think the truth is that I was still hurt from what happened with I applied for the priorfatgirl blog. If you don't remember I had applied to be a regular poster on there. I made it to the top ten and then when I posted about myself on the blog I was torn apart due to my grammar. I tried hard to pretend it didn't hurt and I also worked hard at trying to teach myself better grammar. The truth is that every time I posted that was all I could think about. Did I make a mistake? Did I miss some grammar error that people are going to make fun of me for? Even a few lines ago I had to stop and correct a their to a there. So my posts became less and less as I became more and more self conscious of what I was putting out into the world to just be judged on. I spent more and more time on each blog trying to make sure everything was exactly correct.

Well no more. I am who I am. I struggle with learning names and I sometimes can't read a word that I have read a dozen or more times. Sometimes my brain just does not understand that there is a difference between their and there or loose and lose. I don't know why my brain is this way but I do know that I am okay with who I am. See because if you don't like my grammar then you don't have to read my grammar. And some days, like yesterday, I am going to post from my iPhone or I won't have time to re-read what I have written and so it may come out a little jumbled and confusing. I may mix up words and it won't be perfect. But I have so many more important things to think about and spend my time on then worrying about a random stranger on the internet not liking my grammar. So thank you to everyone who encouraged me to start posting again. I will.

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A quick what have I been up to.

1. Received my AAS degree in Early Education
2. Currently work at a private preschool where I teach a class of 4 year olds full time.
3. I am still actively involved in my church, Living Streams. I help with nursery, sunday breakfast and have now added college leader mentor to the list.
4. I still think about the mission trip to Belize I took last May. I can't believe how long it has been since I was there.
5. Not going for BA yet, first year teaching is crazy enough on it's own.
6. Dealing with teeth issues. In Oct I had an extraction and a root canal. Then end of Nov the root canal cracked so now it has to be extracted plus I have another root canal to have done but the timing keeps not working out but I can't let it get worse because I am already down two molars I am not going to loose a third. - Brush your teeth and make your kids brush their teeth.
7. Finally got a smart phone, love it!
8. Not dating and haven't lost any weight recently just maintaing which is good.

Service

This weekend I spent a lot of time serving. I usually try to be in the background but sometimes the way I am helping is in front of people. I don't mind especially when I am working with kids. I love that! 

The problem with being in front of people are the comments. "Why do help so much?" "You are amazing!" "I can't believe all you do." "You make me feel so lazy." On and on with comments. It is nice. I appreciate the comments and everyone means really well. The problem is that after I hear this over and over I start to think about why I am doing so much. Then as I go to clean up church breakfast, by myself because my helper forgot and is sick. I walk into a dark and quiet gym and I just want to sleep. I push the carts to the kitchen and stare at them. "I don't want to. Can't someone else do this?" Then I stop myself and close my eyes as I lean against the cart full of work to do. "Why am I doing this?" I ask myself and I immediately know that I do it because He called me to it. I don't do any service because I want the praise or the recognition I do it because God has placed it on my heart to do it. He has given me joy with children, a contagious smile and an eye for details. So I as I remind myself of exactly why I am in the kitchen cleaning it is easy to go back to work. The work comes easy and I don't mind it. 

The last church I went to people would often say to me "there is another jewel in your crown." At first I was confused I didn't understand what they were talking about. I hadn't heard this before. I was told that we are given a crown in heaven and when we serve Christ it adds jewels to our crown. This has never really sat with me well and honestly I have looked and there are no verses that actually say this. However in 1 Peter 5:4 it says when Christ returns we will be given a crown that will not fade away. There are many other verses that do say we will get a crown of righteousness and gold. This weekend we were singing a song during worship with the words of throwing our crowns at the feet of Jesus. I have sung this song many times before but this weekend in the midst of receiving praise it finally clicked. I don't know what kind of crown we will have or if their will be jewels on it but if there is I will throw it at Christ's feet because what I do is not for the jewels or the praise it is for my Heavenly Father who loves me dearly.