November

I have not posted in forever. Sorry about that but it is November. Did I mention that November is National Novel Writing Month or for short we call it NaNoWriMo. Over 200,000 people from around the world attempt to write a novel with a minimum of 50,000 words. 

This is only my second year however a leader needed to step up to help cordinate and encourage everyone in Phoenix so I decided to do this. So in addition to writing a Novel in November I am on the web site encouraging people. Sending out weekly e-mails and organizing write-in’s for people to go to. There are nearly a thousand people in Phoenix writing novels. To date we have writen over fourteen million words. But in the last few years, without good leadership, people did not attend events. So I have planned an event every day of the month, saturdays two, all around the valley. The average event has about three to five people attend. I was hoping for a little more success but this is good.

I do love leading and encouraging so I plan to do this again. Next year I will have no more than 4 events a week and I will try my best to have them all at free locations. This year I struggled with that and so I am always at coffee shops or Denny’s. And for me, who goes to everyone, the cost adds up. I know what you are asking, do they pay you to do this? The answer is no. I do this out of the kindness of my heart and out of my own pocket. I have tried to bring a little jar to encourage people to donate though I kind of stopped bringing it around as it is the same groups of people nearly every time. 

Even with the fact that I am totally broke because of this I still love. I still think that leading NaNo was the right thing to do. Everyday I am out in the community meeting people, encouraging people, being positive and upbeat to help them meet their daily word goals. I share the joy that I have with others. Plus of course I am writing a Christian chick-lit book and I do not keep that a secret. It has come up in many conversations casually how my girl is a christian. (There is a wedding in my book and I am trying to keep the book PG.) 

I think that next month I will feel lonely. After being so social next month will be hard. Especially because I have two weeks off from work (school closed) so I really will feel lonely. I should probably apologize in advance to my roommates because I will surely talk their ears off next month. Seeing that they both read my blog I will say it here; Sorry Teel and Mandy for me being annoying next month.

So November is really busy for me and that is why I have not posted. I have only found time to post now because my book requires me to use the internet and the Starbucks I am at the internet is not working very well. So it is causing me much aggravation and frustration. I would leave but I have two people writing with me so I here I sit. Trying to be encouraging, pretending I am writing my novel when I really am not. 

Did I mention how I am doing on my novel? Not yet. Well I am doing very well. As I mentioned the goal is 50K words. I am just under 70K right now but I am still working on the story. I figure the story should end around 85K words. With nine more days and one of those has an overnight write-in. I will definitely be able to give my story an ending before I am done. I currently do not have write-in’s on Thanksgiving or Black Friday but that is mostly because it will be so crazy outside. I figure maybe I will just stay home and be encouraging from there. 

There is not a lot going on my life otherwise. Ok that is not exactly true. I just don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say after quitting my nanny job I have come across some struggles with getting more work. However I am trusting God to take care of me. It is weird because it is like He is keeping me on the edge of a cliff and He doesn’t let me fall off but He also blocks all my paths away from the edge. I was feeling a little wobbly on Saturday so I stopped and talked to God about it. He said I needed to just keep walking. So that is what I am doing. I don’t look down because that won’t help and don’t look at the safe path because that won’t help. Instead I just focus on what is ahead of me and trust that God will eventually lead my path to safer ground.

Yes, I know crazy analogy but it is totally what works for me. I mean didn’t Jesus always talk in analogies? I really think God gives me analogies to help me understand what He is doing in my life. 

But hey if you want to pray for me there is an opportunity to go to Belize in March and I think God may be telling me I should go. I don’t know how I will pay my bills next month so I have no idea how I will afford the $1500 to go to Belize in a few months. Though of course it is God that will afford it not me. And maybe I am understanding Him wrong and I won’t go. That will be fine too but…anyways. Hence why I am saying if you could pray about it for me as well that would be great.

I am trying to learn. Ok really God keeps pounding it into my head at church that I need to rely on my community, my friends, my family. I tend to just let it be me. I try to do it all myself but of course this is not very easy to do. So even putting that last paragraph is hard because it is asking for you to help me pray for something. I have to learn that the people around me care about me and love me and want good for me and so I need to let them help.

Like my shower. I had awful day last week, money issues. I had decided to buy a new shower head anyways. The one I had was old and I tried to CLR it twice and it was like it got worse each time. I was so frustrated every time I went to shower. So I come home from the store already frustrated and then just want to take a shower. I figure no big deal to change the shower head but it was giving me ridiculous problems. I mean it didn’t even make sense all the stupid things it was doing or not doing. My brother was in his living room I could have asked for help but I was being prideful. I wanted to do it on my own so I didn’t ask. The next day after work I was calm and rational and so I asked my brother for help. It took him like a minute to do what I failed to do in like 30 minutes. I was stubborn and for no good reason. 

Let’s see what else. I guess the only other thing came up last week. It was part of the stress of my money issues I think. I am still not handling my sister moving across the country very well. This last week two of my nephews had birthdays. It was the first time I didn’t celebrate their birthdays with them. I sent them gifts. It was hard trying to figure out what they would like and as I stood in the Walmart trying to decide I realized that each year it would get harder and harder because I would know them less and less. 

Saturday night when I was feeling lost about money and path I started looking for jobs in Davenport where my sister is. I mean if I don’t have anything holding me here then why not go. But of course I have free rent here and at least I have a part time job and there is no way I could afford to even pay for the gas to drive out there let alone pay for first month rent and deposit on an apartment. So it is not really practical. 

I am still horrible about calling my sister. And then she called me yesterday and I took the call while I was at a Write-In but then the coffee shop was closing so I had to let her go so I could say goodbye to the Wrimo’s that came to the write-in. I should have called her back when I got home and didn’t. Thanksgiving is this week and that is hard. Her family always came over for Thanksgiving. And then of course Christmas coming up. I seem to be living under the idea that if I don’t talk to her then it’s not true. Though of course that’s not really true either seeing that my background wallpaper on my computer is the picture of all of us when we went to Chicago. So ever time I shut down or turn on my computer, which is at least twice a day in November, I see their picture. 

Someone today was picking up their kid from after school. She said she was going to go visit her sister for spring break. She then mentioned that she hadn’t been out there since her son was one and a half, he is now six. The idea of that just pained me. But then I realize that she has done it just fine. People do it all the time. I need to just figure it out and stop pretending that it isn’t true.  

People at work keep asking if I am going to see my sister for Thanksgiving. It always makes me pause. I wish I could I always think but there is just no way. I am just trusting God I will be able to send them gifts for Christmas. 

Ok, so I have shared way to much now. In fact I totally want to delete the whole last section about my sister since she totally reads my blog. But as I have said before, it is how I feel and so there it is in black and white.