Ok so I am totally frustrated and so I am going to lay it all out. So yes that means a negative post and I try to stay away from those but this is my life and writing it out helps me deal.
So last week I decided to join Curves gym. I signed up for the 30 days for $30 deal to try it out. I liked it. It wasn't getting my heart rate high enough at first but I am working on that. I actually went 6 times last week plus because that was helping me feel so good I also did 30 min of additional cardio at home 4 days last week. I was so proud of myself and feeling great. And I really learned how easy it was to plug it into my life. I think out of 6 workouts I went 5 different times of day because my schedule kept changing last week. At my sat weigh in I lost 2 lbs dropping me to 264 and I dropped an inch taking back down to 51". I was way excited. I felt like maybe this is just what I needed to get myself moving again.
On monday morning when I woke up I didn't feel well. Turns out I had food poisoning. And not the kind where you just get sick, your body expels everything and then you get better. No here I am on day three of my food poisoning. Day one was mostly painful with my intestines just cramping all day and then day 2 and 3...well I had diarrhea and lots of it. The problem is I don't even know what caused this which is just more frustrating. So I am going to through out some stuff that may be the cause and just hope for the best with everything else. I have a couple things in mind that may have caused this so we will see. Ok really I will be praying I don't get sick again because this sucks!
The worst isn't just that I am sick it is that I am missing the exercise routine I had just created. Plus they keep calling me in for extra hours at work so on mon I worked 8.5 hrs and then tue I worked 10 hrs. Tomorrow I get 8 hrs too (I normally work 4.5 hrs a day.) I really need the money so I am super excited about the hours but feeling sick the entire time is not so helpful. The missing exercise thing wouldn't bother me as much, I tend to get a cold within 4 weeks of starting an exercise routine. I usually blame the devil for trying to get me off track. :) But since monday I have been way bloated, my pants barely fit. I measured, this food poisoning has made me grow 1.5" overnight! It is crazy! You are supposed to loose weight with food poisoning not gain weight. I haven't weighed myself because if I gained weight then I would freak. I am feeling a little better this evening but I start work at 8am so I think I will hit the gym after work instead of before.
Ok so that's not it. I wish that was it. I could have skipped blogging about it but then some emotional stuff got in the way too. I keep wanting to start this story by saying, "You know how..." but then I realize that nobody does which is part of the problem. So here I am 28 and single, totally single. I usually don't mind, its a trial God gave me and I live with it. But for awhile now I kind of hold on to the fact that I am not a totally looser because I have friends who are single still. Now the thing about that is that most of my friends are younger than me and as of late the only single friends I have have really only been acquaintance. I had this one friend in particular that, I don't know, I guess in my head I could be like "I am not the only single girl, she is single too." Two days ago I found out she is engaged. I am totally happy for her and the guy is a great guy so its totally awesome. But for me...its like I am the only single girl now. And then of course the same time I saw that on facebook I also see that my friend named her new son. Again, totally excited for her, and I love the name she chose! But it just makes me ask God why? Why am I not married yet? Why do I not have kids yet? I am great with kids, everyone says so and honestly I know it. I know that God gave me this as a gift. But I don't understand why I can't use this gift for my own kids. And then I have been trying to exercise to loose weight and feel better and be healthier. And when I was exercising I generally feel better about myself because I am taking care of myself but here I am sick again for some unknown reason and can't even do that. It is all just so frustrating like I can't do anything right!
I know that its just a moment. I know that God has a plan. I know that wether or not I ever get married or have kids (tears) that God will take care of me. That He knows what is best for me and has a plan. I know that when I feel better I will get back up again and start exercising again. I just hate this moment! I hate feeling like somehow I missed what I should have had in life.