Right now, in this moment all I can think about is an ice cream sundae at Denny's. I want one so much. I had my Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight and I had been thinking about this sundae before I even left. On my way out the door I grabbed a text book so I had an excuse to stop. I thought about it during my group. On the way I thought about this sundae.
I have eaten this same sundae so many times at my local Denny's I think nearly every swing shift and graveyard waiter could tell you what it is; vanilla ice cream, carmel, oreo's, and whip cream. Mmmmm, I love it!
On the way home from class I am driving in the left lane and know I need to move away from the Denny's so I go into the middle lane. As I near home I remember I am supposed to go to the bank to drop off a check. My bank is in the Fry's and I know that I am way too tempted right now. I just have to get home, so I stay in the middle lane as I pass by the Denny's and the Fry's. I pull into my driveway and I am thinking about running in and getting my laptop and going out again. I take off my shoes to put myself one step further from this plot in my head. I even admitted my craving to my roommates who so wonderfully told me, "No eating. Even if you have the calories it is too close to bed." I already knew this but appreciate their support immensely. I go to my fridge and grab one of my Dole peaches and cream parfait's. I keep them in the fridge for times like these when I need a dessert. I even have the calories for it. I try to enjoy it, to savor it but it is not the sundae. The memory of this sundae is in my head. I can distinctly remember the texture of it in my mouth and how delicious each bite is.
As much as I am craving this dessert I crave God more. I will not let this memory of a food control me. I push it away further. I brush my teeth, wash my face and take my evening pills. I change clothes and crawl into bed with my laptop. On the Made to Crave video from last week the woman changed the old saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to "Nothing tastes as good as peace feels." This is so much more accurate. I could go eat this food and feel ok in the few minutes it takes to eat it. But how long afterwards will I be upset that I ate it. How long will I feel guilty that I gave in to this temptation. Will lead to further temptations. So no, this sundae will not feel as good as the peace I will have in the morning.