Sometimes I can not believe the cost of things. A friend and I have been talking about staying at a hotel just somewhere in Phoenix to get away for a day. Me to celebrate my birthday and her to have a night away from the hubby, 3 year old, and new puppy. I have been looking at the cost of hotels and it always seems crazy how expensive they are. Hundreds of dollars for one night in a hotel. I saw one room, ok it was a two room suite for over $1100! Do people really spend that? That is more than I make in a month. I am hoping to stay under $100 and so I am shopping around. I have always had luck with Priceline negotiator. So I think I can get one in north Scottsdale for $100 so I just need to make sure my friend is thinking the same price range since we are splitting it.
One hotel, ok it is a resort, is the JW Marriott. I babysat at that hotel once and they have to have over 2000 rooms there. The lowest price room is $500 and goes up from there. The night I was there was over a holiday weekend and the place was packed. That is a lot of money just from the rooms. Then of course it is a resort with a golf, multiple restraints and bars, and a spa. Plus being right next to Desert Ridge I am sure they are always busy. It just seems like so much money.
So if anyone wants to join us for a girl night on the night of Friday March 23rd let me know. Should be lots of fun!
***
Yesterday went great. I was so frustrated Saturday night and yet there was nothing I could do about it at that point. After church Sunday it took me several hours to end my paper and have my sil help edit it and then do the assignments for my early childhood class. I definitely had not done enough work through out the week to finish on time. I have made a plan for this week. I need to stick with it. I know that my essay needs a lot more work before I turn in the final draft this week. Plus I have to start working on a final project for my English class. I hope to get ahead in my early childhood class as well. Next week is the week that my classes overlap and I have three classes all at once. Next week is the last week of my English class and the first week of a second early childhood class.but the first week is never very hard. Usually just agreeing to the syllabus. But I don't want to get overwhelmed so time management this week is very important.
I also need to work on my food. I seem to be consuming a lot of calories but they have no nutritional value. So then I end up feel weak and tired. Sometimes a little dizzy. So the goal this week is to make sure that each meal has some kind of nutritional value in it. Because it turns out that 1000 calories of lemonade may be filling but not really what my body wants.
Speaking of it is my lunch time so I am going to go find something to eat.
About Me
Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.
I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
This is why...
This is why I fail. This is why I have dropped out of school four times before. This is why.
Because I spent a week being afraid of a 10 page paper. Because I don't finish the outline till 7pm on the night it is due. Because I then have four hours to write the research paper, have some read it, answer 15 ridiculously long questions, then write two paragraph response to their answers all before midnight. Because I thought that I would get points for doing the rough draft when it turns out I get no points for the rough draft I only get points for the questions answered and my response. Because i don't realize this until 11:30 at night after I have spent 3 1/2 hours working on the essay. And most of all because I am so stressed about the stupid rough draft that I couldn't finish in time that I forget completely about the 3 assignments due my other class. One of which I finished and just never submitted. And of course I do not remember that I even have another class let along that I have assignments due until 12:02! Great! Fabulous! So now I can fail two classes at once! This is why I don't do school. This is why I fail at life!
There is no point in staying up later trying to finish them. Turning them in in an hour won't make them any more on time then turning them in tomorrow afternoon. Plus I have church in the morning. I don't know how I will wake up in six hours but i have to do it, I have a commitment. Especially since I just wasted the last four hours of my life for no reason!
I hate school. Why did I start again? I can't seem to remember right now. All I know is that my 8-10 page essay is only five pages right now. Oh yeah and it is all total junk. I will probably have to scrap most of it tomorrow when I read through it. I can't seem to do anything right right now. Sixteen days till I turn 30 and I have nothing show for my life.
Morning Update: In the light of morning of course I realize how crazy this post is. All of the frustrations and feeling were deffinitly real and the fact that I used no curse words is the post is actually surprising. Now that I have slept a little, I am about to run off to church, I know that of course it is not the end of the world. I have made a semi plan for today to get my assignments done and turned in tonight. One day late will loose some points but my grades do not hinge on these few assignments. I do not apologize for my frustrations only am only explaining that they did not last very long.
Because I spent a week being afraid of a 10 page paper. Because I don't finish the outline till 7pm on the night it is due. Because I then have four hours to write the research paper, have some read it, answer 15 ridiculously long questions, then write two paragraph response to their answers all before midnight. Because I thought that I would get points for doing the rough draft when it turns out I get no points for the rough draft I only get points for the questions answered and my response. Because i don't realize this until 11:30 at night after I have spent 3 1/2 hours working on the essay. And most of all because I am so stressed about the stupid rough draft that I couldn't finish in time that I forget completely about the 3 assignments due my other class. One of which I finished and just never submitted. And of course I do not remember that I even have another class let along that I have assignments due until 12:02! Great! Fabulous! So now I can fail two classes at once! This is why I don't do school. This is why I fail at life!
There is no point in staying up later trying to finish them. Turning them in in an hour won't make them any more on time then turning them in tomorrow afternoon. Plus I have church in the morning. I don't know how I will wake up in six hours but i have to do it, I have a commitment. Especially since I just wasted the last four hours of my life for no reason!
I hate school. Why did I start again? I can't seem to remember right now. All I know is that my 8-10 page essay is only five pages right now. Oh yeah and it is all total junk. I will probably have to scrap most of it tomorrow when I read through it. I can't seem to do anything right right now. Sixteen days till I turn 30 and I have nothing show for my life.
Morning Update: In the light of morning of course I realize how crazy this post is. All of the frustrations and feeling were deffinitly real and the fact that I used no curse words is the post is actually surprising. Now that I have slept a little, I am about to run off to church, I know that of course it is not the end of the world. I have made a semi plan for today to get my assignments done and turned in tonight. One day late will loose some points but my grades do not hinge on these few assignments. I do not apologize for my frustrations only am only explaining that they did not last very long.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Wednesday Post
I am behind on my school work. I really need to be working on my stuff. I can't seem to figure out how to write my early childhood assignment. I keep trying and just keep blanking. I don't seem to get anything written. I also have a ten page research paper coming up and the full sentence outline is due this saturday. I feel so confused on how a paper is supposed to be so long. That just seems huge to me. Everyone points out how I wrote 50K words for Nanowrimo but that was different. I am supposed to have topic sentences and stuff. I am trying to work my way through and take it one logical step at a time. I am just not sure that I will get there in time.
Sometimes when I am at home I can not seem to concentrate. There is no good reason I can't get myself to focus on what I need to be doing. I have been trying to go out of the house going to coffee shops and Denny's but that is expensive.
.
...ok I have to stop blogging now. My computer is going crazy and keeps trying to delete things. It may be because I am sitting in the cold but I think it is just dying on me. I can not have my computer die on my right now. Ergghh!!
Ok let's try this again. I am back home in a nice warm house. I was sitting outside a coffee shop that had closed. I was trying to finish my early childhood assignment before I went home. I did manage to do that. Being cold seemed to help me figure it out. I will re-read it before I send it to make sure that it sounds reasonable, who knows with my computer being crazy. It kept deleting things. Like the entire paragraph would just highlight and delete. I think there is a problem with my mouse button. I think I my thumb may have been brushing against the mousepad and if the button was pressed down then it would count as a double click and then the paragraph would highlight. I am not sure how to get that fixed. Ever since the mac geniuses changed my macbook top (there was ink on it and I was still under warranty) the mouse has been having problems. It doesn't really click right. That was years ago so I can't really fix it now.
Well it is getting late so I think I will go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and I need to get some more work done on my essay.
Sometimes when I am at home I can not seem to concentrate. There is no good reason I can't get myself to focus on what I need to be doing. I have been trying to go out of the house going to coffee shops and Denny's but that is expensive.
.
...ok I have to stop blogging now. My computer is going crazy and keeps trying to delete things. It may be because I am sitting in the cold but I think it is just dying on me. I can not have my computer die on my right now. Ergghh!!
Ok let's try this again. I am back home in a nice warm house. I was sitting outside a coffee shop that had closed. I was trying to finish my early childhood assignment before I went home. I did manage to do that. Being cold seemed to help me figure it out. I will re-read it before I send it to make sure that it sounds reasonable, who knows with my computer being crazy. It kept deleting things. Like the entire paragraph would just highlight and delete. I think there is a problem with my mouse button. I think I my thumb may have been brushing against the mousepad and if the button was pressed down then it would count as a double click and then the paragraph would highlight. I am not sure how to get that fixed. Ever since the mac geniuses changed my macbook top (there was ink on it and I was still under warranty) the mouse has been having problems. It doesn't really click right. That was years ago so I can't really fix it now.
Well it is getting late so I think I will go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and I need to get some more work done on my essay.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A Better Day
I have a little time before I run off to work so I thought I should take a minute and update you. You saw in my last post where after a really long and hard day I got in a car accident. I attempted to stop but did not make it in time (I am going to go have my breaks checked as there should have been plenty of time.) But we hit. I felt, he felt it, we both pulled over. His car had one small scratch and my car was just fine. He wasn't worried about a scratch and so we parted ways. This was my turning point.
Over the last few weeks God has been taking care of me. Something will happen, will call it A, it is frustrating and difficult and emotion causing event. But right away God steps in with B, a solution to take of me in the moment. For the last three weeks this has happened over and over. My choices cause A to happen and then God steps in with B. I knew it was happening and yet I let myself be swept up in A. Even though it had already been taken care of I still had an emotional fall out from the original incident. Part of me knew it wasn't rational and yet my emotions, fears, and anxieties did not let my rational side come out. Then there was a car accident. I shouldn't have been out. I should have been at my Friday night bible study. Instead I went to Zia's and bought Breaking Dawn part 1, the new Twilight movie. Even though my previous post implies it I was not crying at the time. I was just driving home. The last time I rear-ended someone I totaled my car. This time nothing. I felt like God stuck his hand in the way making sure nothing happened. Rationally of course you could say I just wasn't going very fast at the impact and that accidents like this happen all the time. But when both of us got out we were both shocked that it wasn't more, it felt like more should have happened.
Since then I have felt different. Not numb but not the surge of emotions that were running through my body the last three weeks. I am still dealing with the effects from this. I am still short tempered and my words sometimes bite. I am not my old smiling self and keep catching myself saying curse words. I had pushed away God and let the emotions of my flesh in and with it came the bad habits that I do not desire. I try to stay quiet and am careful of my words. I continue to pray about this but know it will take time.
I mentioned to a friend at church about my lawsuit and possible bankruptcy. Her husband knows a bit about such things and so he is trying to help however he can. I think I have determined that I should still wait. That I should do nothing right now. He found something that states that because I make so little they may not garnish my wages at all. I also found that after the judgement, if they do garnish my wages, I can still declare bankruptcy at that point. My friend also helped and thinks that even without paying rent I should be able to file a chapter seven. I still know that is a maybe but knowing that if I need it I might be able to then that is good. The worst part is that to garnish wages they have to send paperwork to my employer, which is embarrassing. Nothing stays secret at a school. The secretary would see it, then the girl who should handle it, but she is new and I don't know is she will know what to do so then she will go to someone else that is trying to help her through. (Deep Breath) It's not like I am keeping this a secret. If anyone cared I would tell them, in fact my boss/friend knows already. So I will just keep praying and seeking guidance for what step God wants me to take next.
Today I exercised. I did a Firm workout video for 25 min. I am also watching my calories as well. I want to try to eat all vegan today, which I know is weird since society says today is fat tuesday and I should be glutinous today. But I am not Catholic so I say, no lent, no fat tuesday. :) At least for me. Well now I have to run off to work. Ta Ta for Now!
Over the last few weeks God has been taking care of me. Something will happen, will call it A, it is frustrating and difficult and emotion causing event. But right away God steps in with B, a solution to take of me in the moment. For the last three weeks this has happened over and over. My choices cause A to happen and then God steps in with B. I knew it was happening and yet I let myself be swept up in A. Even though it had already been taken care of I still had an emotional fall out from the original incident. Part of me knew it wasn't rational and yet my emotions, fears, and anxieties did not let my rational side come out. Then there was a car accident. I shouldn't have been out. I should have been at my Friday night bible study. Instead I went to Zia's and bought Breaking Dawn part 1, the new Twilight movie. Even though my previous post implies it I was not crying at the time. I was just driving home. The last time I rear-ended someone I totaled my car. This time nothing. I felt like God stuck his hand in the way making sure nothing happened. Rationally of course you could say I just wasn't going very fast at the impact and that accidents like this happen all the time. But when both of us got out we were both shocked that it wasn't more, it felt like more should have happened.
Since then I have felt different. Not numb but not the surge of emotions that were running through my body the last three weeks. I am still dealing with the effects from this. I am still short tempered and my words sometimes bite. I am not my old smiling self and keep catching myself saying curse words. I had pushed away God and let the emotions of my flesh in and with it came the bad habits that I do not desire. I try to stay quiet and am careful of my words. I continue to pray about this but know it will take time.
I mentioned to a friend at church about my lawsuit and possible bankruptcy. Her husband knows a bit about such things and so he is trying to help however he can. I think I have determined that I should still wait. That I should do nothing right now. He found something that states that because I make so little they may not garnish my wages at all. I also found that after the judgement, if they do garnish my wages, I can still declare bankruptcy at that point. My friend also helped and thinks that even without paying rent I should be able to file a chapter seven. I still know that is a maybe but knowing that if I need it I might be able to then that is good. The worst part is that to garnish wages they have to send paperwork to my employer, which is embarrassing. Nothing stays secret at a school. The secretary would see it, then the girl who should handle it, but she is new and I don't know is she will know what to do so then she will go to someone else that is trying to help her through. (Deep Breath) It's not like I am keeping this a secret. If anyone cared I would tell them, in fact my boss/friend knows already. So I will just keep praying and seeking guidance for what step God wants me to take next.
Today I exercised. I did a Firm workout video for 25 min. I am also watching my calories as well. I want to try to eat all vegan today, which I know is weird since society says today is fat tuesday and I should be glutinous today. But I am not Catholic so I say, no lent, no fat tuesday. :) At least for me. Well now I have to run off to work. Ta Ta for Now!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Poem for Yesterday
Self implode
day of tears
yes I bite...today
Pressure mounts
more confusion,
frustration, and aggravation
I see His hand
He makes it ok
with His timing
but it still hurts
Drive away
tears do fall
breaks squeal
CRASH
we bumped and yet not a scratch
Only God to thank
All this pain
All this fear
but He holds me so dear
I cry to Him to take me Home
to much pain
to much fear
He still hold me dear
His Love
His Comfort
He will get me through
He is doing his part
Now it is time to do mine
day of tears
yes I bite...today
Pressure mounts
more confusion,
frustration, and aggravation
I see His hand
He makes it ok
with His timing
but it still hurts
Drive away
tears do fall
breaks squeal
CRASH
we bumped and yet not a scratch
Only God to thank
All this pain
All this fear
but He holds me so dear
I cry to Him to take me Home
to much pain
to much fear
He still hold me dear
His Love
His Comfort
He will get me through
He is doing his part
Now it is time to do mine
Friday, February 17, 2012
4 Days Off
For President's Day the school I work for gives four days off. So I have tomorrow and Monday off. My goal is to not waste this time. I would hate to wake up Tuesday and feel like I have done nothing all weekend. It has happened before but not this time.
Things I Should Do:
1. Finish proof-reading my brothers books
2. Work on the two homework assignments I have been ignoring all week
3. Sam's club - milk, toilet paper, and the newest 39 Clues book
4. Laundry!
5. Go through edits for my novel (from my wed night edit group)
Pre-planned Activites
1. Friday night bible study
2. Sat afternoon edit-in group
3. Sat night service
4. Sun morning church
5. Sun evening deluge (a new interactive art event at my church)
Things Not to do
1. Spend the entire weekend emptying my hulu queue (28 items)
...um, I think that is it.
There are other things I could do. Like my brother has a couple movies from Netflix I want to watch and I want to stop by Home Depot to pick up a couple things. Oh, yeah and Michaels too. But none of that makes my top five.
So if you have a few days off too I hope that you find them productive as well!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Poem for Today
Holding on
tight, tight, tight
knuckles white
Flat tire
late for work
tears want to roll
can't let them start
Payed too much
honest Angela
can't help but come clean
Waiting for
a judge to say
"you must pay"
wrong check won't mislead, I pray
Wednesday group
lots of friends
get together and tell me what I bad writer I am
say it's with love but too hurt to hear
I try to imagine what it used to be like
before I was holding on so tight
Another day
another week
I feel so gray
I feel so weak
Trust He is there
thank Him through the pain
hold tight to my faith
hold tight to His promise of grace
Friends can see it
can't hide it anymore
to tired to care
all that I bare
Praying for peace
praying for relief
will this just cease
these moments of grief
Comfort will come
the good book says
in His right timing
in His perfect grace
And so I will wait
through this difficult storm
to the other side
where I will safe, dry and warm
tight, tight, tight
knuckles white
Flat tire
late for work
tears want to roll
can't let them start
Payed too much
honest Angela
can't help but come clean
Waiting for
a judge to say
"you must pay"
wrong check won't mislead, I pray
Wednesday group
lots of friends
get together and tell me what I bad writer I am
say it's with love but too hurt to hear
I try to imagine what it used to be like
before I was holding on so tight
Another day
another week
I feel so gray
I feel so weak
Trust He is there
thank Him through the pain
hold tight to my faith
hold tight to His promise of grace
Friends can see it
can't hide it anymore
to tired to care
all that I bare
Praying for peace
praying for relief
will this just cease
these moments of grief
Comfort will come
the good book says
in His right timing
in His perfect grace
And so I will wait
through this difficult storm
to the other side
where I will safe, dry and warm
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