I have a little time before I run off to work so I thought I should take a minute and update you. You saw in my last post where after a really long and hard day I got in a car accident. I attempted to stop but did not make it in time (I am going to go have my breaks checked as there should have been plenty of time.) But we hit. I felt, he felt it, we both pulled over. His car had one small scratch and my car was just fine. He wasn't worried about a scratch and so we parted ways. This was my turning point.
Over the last few weeks God has been taking care of me. Something will happen, will call it A, it is frustrating and difficult and emotion causing event. But right away God steps in with B, a solution to take of me in the moment. For the last three weeks this has happened over and over. My choices cause A to happen and then God steps in with B. I knew it was happening and yet I let myself be swept up in A. Even though it had already been taken care of I still had an emotional fall out from the original incident. Part of me knew it wasn't rational and yet my emotions, fears, and anxieties did not let my rational side come out. Then there was a car accident. I shouldn't have been out. I should have been at my Friday night bible study. Instead I went to Zia's and bought Breaking Dawn part 1, the new Twilight movie. Even though my previous post implies it I was not crying at the time. I was just driving home. The last time I rear-ended someone I totaled my car. This time nothing. I felt like God stuck his hand in the way making sure nothing happened. Rationally of course you could say I just wasn't going very fast at the impact and that accidents like this happen all the time. But when both of us got out we were both shocked that it wasn't more, it felt like more should have happened.
Since then I have felt different. Not numb but not the surge of emotions that were running through my body the last three weeks. I am still dealing with the effects from this. I am still short tempered and my words sometimes bite. I am not my old smiling self and keep catching myself saying curse words. I had pushed away God and let the emotions of my flesh in and with it came the bad habits that I do not desire. I try to stay quiet and am careful of my words. I continue to pray about this but know it will take time.
I mentioned to a friend at church about my lawsuit and possible bankruptcy. Her husband knows a bit about such things and so he is trying to help however he can. I think I have determined that I should still wait. That I should do nothing right now. He found something that states that because I make so little they may not garnish my wages at all. I also found that after the judgement, if they do garnish my wages, I can still declare bankruptcy at that point. My friend also helped and thinks that even without paying rent I should be able to file a chapter seven. I still know that is a maybe but knowing that if I need it I might be able to then that is good. The worst part is that to garnish wages they have to send paperwork to my employer, which is embarrassing. Nothing stays secret at a school. The secretary would see it, then the girl who should handle it, but she is new and I don't know is she will know what to do so then she will go to someone else that is trying to help her through. (Deep Breath) It's not like I am keeping this a secret. If anyone cared I would tell them, in fact my boss/friend knows already. So I will just keep praying and seeking guidance for what step God wants me to take next.
Today I exercised. I did a Firm workout video for 25 min. I am also watching my calories as well. I want to try to eat all vegan today, which I know is weird since society says today is fat tuesday and I should be glutinous today. But I am not Catholic so I say, no lent, no fat tuesday. :) At least for me. Well now I have to run off to work. Ta Ta for Now!