I feel like God is telling me to do two things. Both of them are difficult and so I keep pushing them away, keep telling myself that I must be hearing wrong and then He tells me again. This week it was so evident that I can not deny the truth that it is from God. I must do something about it even if it is scary. The first is Saturday night service. I tell people that I go. I tell myself that I go. But the truth is that I do not often go. Many times I get offered a babysitting job on Saturday nights and so I choose the money over God. The second is Friday nights. My church has just started advertising several in home bible studies. This has been happening for a couple months and ever since the first time I saw one particular location/study it has been on my mind. It is friday nights at 6:30. It is after work so I can make it but again, it is Friday night which is my other babysitting night.
I keep asking God, "You only mean one, right? You couldn't really mean that I shouldn't babysit either night, right? Right?" But God has made it clear to me that this is what He wants me to do. I mean shy of having someone prophecy it or hearing God's voice audibly. Neither of which should have to happen for me to listen to God.
If you are a regular reader then you are familiar with my cliff analogy. How I feel like I am walking along the edge of cliff. That God has been keeping me right there on the edge, safe but still scary. During my fasting time I feel like God and I have been walking much closer, I am no longer trying to catch up but instead walking with Him, able to hear his voice clearer. But this, not babysitting on Friday's or Saturday's it feels like I am stepping off the cliff. And as that thought came to my mind the only other thought was "Into the hands of Christ." And so I will. I will choose God. I will remember when enticed by money that I LOVE GOD MORE! That God has always taken care of me. That His plan is bigger and better then anything I can imagine and if that means stepping off the cliff then I have to. Because honestly He is the only one I jump off a cliff for. :)