About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Was this learned or self taught?

I have never really blamed my mother for being overweight. I know that as a kid I was very picky and it was hard for my parents. So picky in fact my sister learned from my odd behavior. See I hate vegetables. Well most I would eat corn and green beans and broccoli but spinach, peas, cauliflower, zucchini it was all so gross. They would always give the threat that if I didn't eat my vegetables then no desert. So I would say, "Ok, no desert." My older sister knowing this with her kids make them eat it for breakfast if they don't eat it for dinner. Kind of like a "your going to eat eventually so just eat it now." I guess I have never discussed it with her, maybe this came from her kid's fathers side but the self-absorbed part of me is pretty sure she was effected by me.

We never went to the doctors a lot. Mom hated doctors and we never had insurance. I remember though going at like 12. I had to get a physical to say I had bad eye sight so that I could go to an optometrist (even though I already wore glasses at the time.) It was some requirement from the gov't coverage we had at the time. At that point I was already overweight for my age and the dr of course questioned this. I remember mom saying she cooked us dinner and watched what we ate. Then the dr pointedly asked my mom if maybe I was sneaking food. She said, "No, I would no that." then they turned to me and asked me if I did. Knowing that even just the night before I had snuck 2 or 3 cookies while mom wasn't watching I said "No." It was a lie, I felt so guilty. But mom believed me and the dr moved on. So I can't blame mom, what was she supposed to do lock up the food or count it all to watch if something went missing? I am glad that she never put me on a "diet" as a kid, even though she went on several herself.

But I try to think about my kids. What I want to feed them and teach them about food. What kind of example I want to lead for them. This is one of my motivation, really one of my biggest ones. I want to teach them to eat healthy but to do that I need to be an example. I know that part of my body is pre-disposed to being overweight, my mothers family is overweight, most of my siblings as well. Not obese like me but not the "ideal-weight" either. So to combat genetics for my kids I want to know my stuff, be an example and know what to feed my kids. Because I figure if I just fed them right then they won't be like me.

I have been reading some books. Biographies from people who have lost over 100 lbs. I have also been reading fitness sites looking for inspirational stories. And what I notice is that for many people they were fed healthy items and were active as kids so they were skinny kids and teenagers but it was after that that they plumped up. That even if the parents teach them right the processed foods and junk that is out their is just so easy, cheap, and delicious that I can't really prevent anything in them. I know it is one of those, teach them as kids and then you have to let them make there own decisions. But this just makes me think even more about how really my mom really couldn't have done anything. The choices that I make right now that are my downfalls each time are against what she taught me. I crave sugar and overeat snacks, or have too many snacks in a day. Or really feeling a need to "splurge" on myself by going out to eat. Mom never took us out to eat because it was expensive and not healthy. So now I always feel like it is this special treat. So then when i deny myself of it, even for the right reasons, I start to feel like I am depriving myself. I think this is one of my biggest problems. Why is it so hard to loose weight? Because on every corner their is a fast food restaurant or sit down restaurant just calling me. It is hard. This weekend when I kind of went crazy with food, I ate out I think three or four times. The first time I kind of realized that it wasn't a certain type of food I was craving it was just food from any restaurant. I don't know how to combat this. They restaurants will always be there and I have to somehow learn not to let them control me. I mean even the fact that saturday morning, after I ate out friday night, I felt gross and sluggish and yet I still went out to eat again on Sunday night. I knew that the junk I ate was just that junk. Ok here's what I ate and sorry if this grosses you out. I ended up at Arby's, I had two arby melts, a med fry, and three mozzarella sticks, plus it was the first time I drank caffeine in 2 weeks. Then I went and hung out at Barnes and Noble and ended up eating a slice of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, another soda, and then bought a large cookie to eat at home later. Like a million calories, mostly from fat, none of it healthy. Could I have gone out and made a healthy food choices, of course but my head just wanted to eat the junk that I am used to and that for some sick reason my brain craves. I say brain not body because I know the next day my body was pretty mad at me for my choices.

So how, if I change my habits do I teach my kids. Maybe I just wasn't actually taught enough about making healthy choices. If I discuss healthy choices with my kids and why they are healthier maybe that will make a difference. My sisters kids, besides having an awesome metabolism from their dad eat lots and lots of fruit, they love it. But I never have, I don't understand how she did it. And well honestly I don't have kids yet (or even a boyfriend let alone a husband for that matter) so I don't need to know that now. So for now I will worry about me and worry about teaching my kids when I have them.

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