I am heading to bed but really want to update everyone first.
Thursday and being a secretary kind of sucked. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but only because it wasn't as busy as I thought it would be. I was very anxious any time a call came in and often stuttered as I answered the phone. I couldn't seem to please anyone with the answers that I was giving and kept getting questions I couldn't answer and had no one to ask the answers of. I did 3 hours in the morning and 1 1/2 in the afternoon and then another half hour today. Bleh, I don't like it. Though I made it very clear to my boss how much I didn't like it and so I think she will avoid giving me the job if possible in the future. Which I totally appreciate!!
Wednesday night after I left my nanny job I noticed it was only 6pm which meant I had time to drive across town to check out the wed night group at Living Streams where I go now. The group didn't start until 7 but I got there early at 6:30. I went to where we were meeting which was in a room in the basement. I had never been down there before and it was just a big mostly empty room with some couches in a circle. No one was there yet so I sat down on a couch and picked up a bible sitting on a table near by. I flipped through and stopped on Psalm 118. This Psalm starts with "Give thanks to the Lord, His love endures forever." I read through the whole chapter and then started going through each verse just praying it to the Lord. It really was the perfect chapter for me to select because it is all about thanking God and trusting Him to get you through anything. By the time I was done praying it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt so at peace with the Lord and the only thing I was sad about was why I hadn't done it sooner.
The group met and although I don't want to go into details the Holy Spirit used the time to confirm to me that He is my strength. As I got in my car afterwards I noticed what a change that had been made. When I drove to church I was depressed. I sat with my head against the headrest, slouched, not really listening to music or paying attention to anything. I was sad and wasn't even sure I wanted to go to church because I "wasn't in the mood." But after I go back to my car I a laughing, I am singing along to the music (praise music of course) just happy. It is just a reminder of how important it is to go to God about everything. I wonder if instead of coming home after I got the text and watching some sad movie if I had gone straight to the Lord in prayer if this week would have been different. I think so.
This evening my younger brother came over and apologize. My sister had read my blog and decided to give him a call. He didn't even know I had a blog, which I knew when I posted about this. Though I am thankful for her stepping in. I didn't know how to handle it and am glad it is more resolved now. The conversation wasn't all roses because of course it is a difficult situation. But hopefully we will move past this and before we know it it won't be so much stress between us. I don't regret renting my house to him and his girlfriend. We had both planned for a better ending but that is life, it doesn't always work out how you want it to.
So thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers! I really appreciate them. Although I am on prozac sometimes I just...have a hard time. So to my family and friends who read this Thank You.