Tonight has been hard. Every Wed for months I have gone to Denny's to do homework. But this wednesday I stayed at home. I still had homework to do so I sat at the kitchen table and tried to do. But I just kept thinking about food. Specifically the ice cream options. I wanted a banana split or a sundae. I want them so much I can remember the taste and the texture on my tongue as I eat it. Then I remind myself that I am not actually hungry. I think of eating other food to distract myself but the reality is I am not hungry, I have eaten enough. This does not stop the cravings.
I managed to finish one of my two assignments and then waste an hour or two on pinterest. Now I am headed off to bed. But the craving is still there. I didn't want to take out my contacts in case I changed my mind and became weak enough to go out. The cravings were bad enough that I didn't really care what. I could go to QT for some donuts or my local Fry's and find some sugary filled food. I realize that this habit of going to Denny's is something I need to learn to break. I didn't have to take pain pills today because my caffeine headache was finally gone. I am loosing weight and my pants are already feeling looser. And it is not like I am starving myself, not at all. When I want to eat I am eating something healthy or natural instead of whatever processed or sugary food I am craving or is at hand. I never go hungry. I don't feel like I am eating enough calories but that is why I am listening to my body and not tracking calories. I am sure that my body knows better then an app on my smartphone.
So day four was a success. I feel like I still have forever to go but try to remember that four days so far is awesome. I can not say this is bringing me closer to God like a full fast from food would. In that type of fast when you feel hunger pains you stop and pray. Your body becomes weak and you have to rely on God to get you through. With this I eat when I am hungry. When I want something else I remind myself of why I am doing this, a commitment to God, but I don't find myself stopping to pray for support. I have seventeen more days to work on this though.