About Me

Hi, my name is Angela and welcome to my blog. This is a place where I write about my life in an honest and open way.

I am 36 years old, single, and a Christian. God gave me a heart to work with children and so I spend my day teaching kindergarten. It is my fourth year teaching and although it is hard I love it. I currently go to a college for my BA in Elementary Education which keeps me busy. Between work and school there is not much time left but I enjoy serving and helping others, watching netflix, or reading a good book.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Upsetting News

So I was told today that I did not get the job. I was told that they wanted someone with education. Now I knew God had said no to the promotion. It was still frustrating but I knew the answer already so, okay fine. The problem is the girl that they are hiring instead. The girl did not even want the job. It is my understanding she had told the principal she was willing to apply for any open position. In fact she had declined taking this very same job three years ago and everyone knows she prefers high school kids and this job is mainly preschool and elementary age kids. Worse is that we do not work well together.

I had the feeling the last few days that she was being offered the job so I have been trying to acclimate myself to this idea but the idea is just difficult. I don't know how this is going to work. I feel like I am supposed to stay, it is the smartest decision for completing my college classes. But it is going to be hard. Prayer lots of prayer. Today at work I was feeling it again that she was going to get the job, feeling frustrated so while the kids watched a movie I sat there and wrote. I filled a full page in tiny writing just pouring out my feelings and frustrations. I don't know that it really helped, maybe temporarily.

When I was first told I tried to stay strong but as the afternoon progressed I would notice tears just pouring from my eyes. I would walk away from the kids and dry my tears. When I got home I didn't want to talk to anyone. I laid down in my bed and listened to last weeks sermon I had missed while I was out of town. You will never guess what it was about. Prayer! We are studying Revelations and we are on chapter 8 and talking about the seven seals. After the seventh seal is opened there is a half hour of silence but that does not mean heaven is lacking in activity. It says that the prayers of the saints caused thunder, rumbling, earthquakes and lightning. My pastor takes that to say that prayers do not go unheard in heaven. It was very encouraging. He spoke of how he even struggles sometimes feeling connected to God with His prayers and recently found he was praying not as God wanted him to so when he started praying as God wanted he felt more in line with him. My pastor recommended not quitting but instead praying with more insistence, fasting if needed till you line back up with God again. It was just what I needed. God's timing is amazing and this was a great reminder of that.

Hearing this sermon and understanding it I will not magically be fixed. I am still in pain and still feel frustrated by my life. This afternoon I took a nap and then re-listened to part of the sermon. Afterwards I prayed through tears words of honesty to God. Telling Him how I felt and asking for help. It is hard to be so vulnerable even with God. But I know that I feel the closest to Him when I am open and vulnerable with God.

I don't know what will come next. I know I will go to work on Monday just as I am scheduled to. I will try to remember that I am there because I love kids and just because my boss is changing my passion for kids is not. I will try to focus my energy into my school work, into making sure I get my degree by the end of next summer. Knowing that after that I will listen for God's new direction for me. Till then I will sit still and remember that he will not give me more then I can handle.

1 comment:

  1. I am completely empathetic with your job situation but as you said "it's the right thing for you right now to complete your school" it might not be the best for the long run but keep your goals minimal. "get through the day" days turn to weeks, months...etc. end of next summer? that's nothing...1 year. done!

    Working with someone that you have a history with and now she's your boss...phew! that's a tough pill to swallow but if you take the same approach as it's only temporary, maybe that will be babe steps enough to get you through the frustration with her. Journaling, blogging, writing down your thoughts is a great way to cope with stress/negativity because it allows you the release to put it out there, leave it and walk away! I think it's a great therapy!

    I'm not sure that you even read my comments or care but I'm sending encouragement from the East Coast! My dad always told me there are 3 elements to being happy: location, personal life, professional life. If you are 100% happy with 1 of the 3, the other 2 will fall in the shadow of the 1, not dropping in priority but allowing you to re-evaluate your level of unhappiness. if you're happy with where you are then personal/professional won't matter...etc. Pick one. you love your job (i've read that on here) so embrace the challenge of working with someone that you've had previous disagreements! if you approach her new role with already assumed animosity then you won't have anything different!

    Best of luck to you this week.

    one day at a time!