So it is saturday again which means weekly weigh in day. I was feeling kind of confident because I knew I worked out pretty hard this week and my pants have been feeling looser. I was worried about the last two days, as you know they have not been my best. So when I stepped on the wii fit and it only said a loss of 1.1 lbs I was sad. I just stood their for a little while staring at the number. I try to remember that a 1 lb loss is good, that is actually my goal and well I reached it. I did also the tape measure because I wondered about the loose pants. And indeed I lost 2 inches on my waste. So it does go to show that it isn't always about the number on the scale.
I did not exercise today. I just didn't feel like it. Which I know is not good but it is what it is. I also didn't eat so well tonight. I still have stupid klondike bars in my freezer and although I ate everything great today through dinner this evening went down hill. I had 2 klondike bars and a bag of 100 cal popcorn. Oh and one of these amazing oreo chocolate balls my brother and sil made, it was amazing but not so good for me. The problem is that I now of course don't feel good at all. My stomach hurts and I don't feel good now. I knew I wasn't hungry when I ate the second ice cream bar. And I even knew I was full when I started popping the popcorn. I don't know why I did this to myself. Why the idea that food is going to make things somehow better can convince me to eat when I shouldn't, what I shouldn't. Sure I had an instant flow of endorphins or whatever creating a moment of... I don't know happiness I guess. But was it really worth it? More than the way I feel physically right now it is more about the weight I lost and the inches. Would I give up those 2 inches for some ice cream and popcorn? That is kind of what I told my body, that it wasn't worth it. (Obviously I eat 2 in worth of calories but you get the point.) But I am worthy of feeling healthy! But I need to remember that in that moment before I eat whatever junk that my worth is not tied up in this food. That feeling good all day or week is better than feeling good for the 2 to 5 min it took to eat whatever. And most important is I need to not be scared to throw it away. I waste money on stuff all the time. The bananas went bad, I only ate half of my dinner at a restaurant, or even the open can that got lost in the back of the fridge. So why when I am standing there listening to my popcorn pop recognizing the fact that I feel full do I eat it anyways. The bag was less than a dollar, I shouldn't have eaten it just because it was already popped. I should have listened to my body, put it in a plastic bag and taken to the trash can outside. In fact I should have stopped half way through my second ice cream bar when i knew i was an idiot for eating it and actually stopped enjoying it at that point. Just thrown it away instead of worrying about throwing away good ice cream. It is just food, food that, in that moment, was not at all good for me.
I want to thank anyone still reading this for your positive prayers and thoughts for me while I go through this. And thank you for the supportive comments some of you have left. I did have a friend post yesterday about a sermon series her pastor is currently doing called "Get FiTT" being done at Community of Faith church in TX. I haven't had the time to watch an entire sermon but I enjoyed the parts I had a chance to watch. I assume tomorrow they will move to week 4 of the series but luckily they have all prior episodes online so I am excited to sit down each day this week and watch them. It doesn't matter how often I go to church I seem to always leave God out of my weight loss. Of course at first I am always praying but really I need to be turning to him during all of my ups and downs through this change to healthy living. That is why I am excited about this sermon series to help connect my health with God. I know its His temple, the connection should be easy. But why then is it missed so often.
On that same note I just finished a book called "Fat Chance" by Julie Hadden. I think I mentioned it before, it is by a woman who lost a lot of weight on The Biggest Loser. Through out the book Julie talks about her faith and how she not only rely on God at times but also grew closer to Him through this process. Over and over again she talks about God being their to listen when she was exhausted after working out for 6 hrs. And how important it is to really understand that you are worth the changes. That God values us and wants everything for us which includes living a healthy and long life. But first recognizing that even if you don't think you are worth it to get healthy God does think you are worth it. I was just so inspired by this book. Although I checked it out from the library I may have to buy a copy of it. I have spent a week reading through it just rereading inspirational stories from Julie.
So one thing I meant to mention yesterday but didn't was my experience playing football yesterday. One of the 4th grade boys in my after school program plays football on Saturdays. I had practiced with him a couple weeks ago (can't remember if I told you this before so sorry if I have.) Anyways, he punts (kicks) the ball to me and I either catch it or chase after it and throw it back. And we did this for awhile, I don't know how long. But I started getting so tired, eventually my aim was so off at throwing and I was sure my face was red so I had to quite helping him practice. Yesterday he asked again if I would help him practice and again it was the same thing. Catch or chase after the ball and then throw it across the field. I played for a good 25 min before I had to stop. And I didn't stop because I was tired i stopped because I started getting a caffeine headache. While I was playing I just kept thinking about how much easier it was to run around and throw the ball. How I wasn't out of breath and I was pretty sure my face didn't get red this time. I was so proud of myself and so excited to actually see the difference in my work life, how I had improved. So that that was my "yea me" for yesterday. I am not sure I have one today...well unless it is unfitness related. I had gone to a Sat evening service at a local church I had never attended before and this evening on the way home from my sisters I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to go again. And although I felt hungry and tired I went anyways and really enjoyed it. I have wanted a new bible class during the week and although this is a sermon not a class I am really enjoying it and feel comfortable there. So the plan is if I get off babysitting in time then I will try to go every week. We will see how that goes. So "yea me" for listening to that "still small voice" instead of my whiny physical body. :)